OMG! I read the original story a couple of days ago, and I totally loved it!

Now, reading this rewrite of the first chapter, I can realise your writing has improved tons, and I'm super excited to see how the rest of the story is going to unfold this time!

XOXO

This is a follow on because I used up my characters.

You could also explain what happened to Lynn's Mother, maybe put in a chapter where she goes to see her. I know she is in a instution but... It's not my story but you left some questions unanswered-'Does Lynn forgive her Mother?' or 'Does Daniel get in to the dance school with Lynn?'- these are just some of my ideas but once again it's up to you.

I don't think you should rewrite the story it is pretty much perfect the way it is. You could maybe just touch up on a few things but like I said my opinion. It was a great story line which deserved my review and I don't do this often.

Keep Writing,

Elizabeth