|Reviews for Permission|
| deefective chapter 1 . 5/16/2011
Hm, well I like this line a lot:
"Perhaps they think a more suitable match
would be some nice, quiet, local lad
less like me and more like
everyone else. "
It's got a subtle 'rebel' feel and I can hear the sarcasm in the tone of voice there. It's also a resounding statement. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the fact of not wanting the normal, good guy and instead going for that different one. One thing that bothered me though was the rhythm. At certain points I felt like lines cut off too abruptly and the flow wasn't there. Especially with the odd rhyme scheme. The ending lines didn't seem to fit either.
"to offer us a smile or handshake or forgiving dove
to let us know we are permitted to love."
It was too obvious of you to choose 'dove' to rhyme with 'love' and it didn't exactly make sense. But other than that, nicely done.
| Evilives chapter 1 . 4/23/2011
Aww that was really sweet. No-nonsense, too.
And yes, the last two lines are my favorite.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 4/23/2011
Short but sweet. Love the last two lines.