are you going to complete this story ? i love it !

wow so the truth is out! wonder wonder :P

I like your story, but the gun shots were really random and that part kind of made the whole situation kind of...ridiculous? And everything happened too fast. But I hope you update soon :)

ok... now... what did just happen?

did this really happen? or is just like a dream or something... it feels so surreal..

-M

uhhh i see a nasty cat fight in the future! :P

-M

ok.. }devan is weird! hahaha ok not weird but he shoud tell her he has a gf... because this will start going downhill soon... and i bet kourtnee will be happy to kill halle when it happens:P

-M

You have to update soon because I'm loving this!

ohh hey! i notice you checked out my stories! thank you for doing so :P

and i love this! he is so getting in trouble for watching halle's every move :P i bet he'll get kind of obsessed because of halle trying to ignore him so badly. and caos! oh i can't wait :P

-M

Damn cliffhanger. WRITE WRITE WRITE! I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

hohohoho dear you have to update soon cause this is getting interesting! :P

-M

You're off to a good start!

You're off to a good start :)

Hm, you have an interesting concept here. I definitely fall head over heels for stories about forlorn love!

I notice someone already mentioned something about commas, and I would say I have to agree, you are missing a few, such as...

"In fact I finished early." - You need a comma after the word 'fact.'

Also, just a thought, but I was taught that action should not take place without purpose. While it is a nice little character detail that Hallee likes her sandwiches with tons of stuff on them, I am wondering how this will benefit the story. Maybe it will come in later with Devan? I sure hope so! It is something cute and unique about Hallee.

Once again, I think this is going to be a very cute, light story and I certainly hope that Hallee is able to find Devan and get her feelings across. They both deserve to be happy and find each other. :)

Keep writing!

-Kay

love the story cant wait to read more

Hmm, I'm kind of iffy with this story so far (yes I know 'iffy' isn't a word, at least I don't think it is but it does describe what I'm feeling). First off, the summary is written all in caps which is a real turn off for your story. I thought that it was rather short, even for a prologue. I think that the girl should have been more conflicted, especialy if she secretly did in fact love Devan. Even if she was too scared to say 'I love you', saying Okay. I'm not worried. You are replaceable." is a bit much.