|Reviews for Phobic|
| Shyre chapter 21 . 9/29/2016
Well...where should I begin?
It wasn't very professional.
First chapters :
- Not enough details.
- I felt like you had split up your personnality into most of the characters, so they weren't really a "whole". You could try to make a profile card and add likings, family situations and varied details to make them more humans.
- It seemed like Judson's personnality was the furthest away from yours, so he didn't speak a lot (you did your best, though) and it was very weird when we had his point of view for the first time.
These points only apply to the first chapters, since you improved after a while. ;)
I don't think it was necessary to give Kalah pink hair and piercings. Anyway. It's not really important.
You tried to make them pause between the different room ; I expected it to be disagreeable, but it went pretty smoothly. Maybe that the characters went through some rooms a bit to quickly, though.
I could feel that you didn't want to make Kathleen the typical female lead that was under a psycho's charm, but you didn't want the experiment to end yet, so you made it a way she would try to stop it but fail.
And...I don't know if you tried to show the readers that she was still kind of "submitted" to Russell (charisma powaa), but if it is the case, you failed to do so (PS: I've read your fiction half asleep).
I actually respect you for ending your fiction after pausing for a year (If I remember well), which I may not have done. You had probably solved the problem in the computer's room and the one with Kade and Annabelle, so you didn't know what to do anymore. Let the good guys win or show the bad guy's superiority (which can be a bit tempting)? You should make up your stories' ends before beginning them.
I've felt like there was a hidden door in the first room (clowns) throughout the entire story, until they said there were only trapdoors (that room was to far away for them to go back there anyway). Why is that, I wonder?
It was funny how you were not satisfied with Annabelle's death, so you got Shana shot (she's not dead, though) and even made the police officers' task easier by getting the two murderers to kill each other.
This fiction is EXACTLY the kind of thing I could have written when I was 12, so I feel kinda close to Ms. Author (not really, actually...). I feel like I've written and uploaded this story, then forgotten every memory related to it. Hahahaha.
So, as said above, it wasn't very professional, but overall, it was pretty good and agreeable to read somehow. Thank you.
I'm 5 years late, but you're apparently still writing fictions (I admire this), so you might see my comment. You've probably kind of forgotten this story, though.
PS: I'm sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes, English isn't my mother language.
| Alberichi chapter 21 . 10/7/2011
It's the end? Oh NO! Really! NO! I have not had enough! And those characters were lovable! Can't stand the idea that I won't be seeing them again!
I like how you gave a little insight about what Kathleen will be feeling in the future. It's really sad for her. She seems to be the only one who lost something in this experience, while everyone else gained maturity.
Anyway, it was very good, very entertaining and captivating. I think I found a writer who understands my taste in psychological stories! You're really talented! Thank you for this wonerful story!
| Alberichi chapter 20 . 10/7/2011
I HATE RUSSELL! The kind of men who do something wrong then blame you for not thaking them! No wander the result of the experiment came as a surprise to him! He would not have acted the same way had he been part of the experiment! Sad man!
I love how you portrayed everybody! That's the case for all your stories! You make them so real! It's so good that they found the courage to attack him! Oh God! I would have had a heart attack had they obeyed! Poor Shana! T_T
| Alberichi chapter 19 . 10/7/2011
That was awesome! Intense!
I really was caught in this action. It was frightening. Poor Kalah! I liked that girl! Well, I don't know what to say, I loved it!
And Russell is waiting for them! Never expected that! What is he thinking?
| Alberichi chapter 18 . 10/7/2011
Wow! We're getting close to the best part!
I have a feeling Kade will kill someone!
They can't get any worse, can they? They're frightened, hurt, in a dark room and there's a killer hidden somewhere close. I think Kallah is wishing she never talked about her horror movies at all xD
Kathleen is really soft. She can't picture Russell being hurt even after what he did? I know I would not be this compassionate!
| Alberichi chapter 17 . 9/17/2011
Wow! This is what I call a REAL TWIST!
And Kade is back now. It was very captivating to be in his mind for a moment there. I was overcome with a kind of dark fascination at every thought he had.
I love the new concepts. This is very well done! I am sure Russel will do anything to see them all dead at the end. I wonder what surprises the underground are hiding. Because, obviously, they were not meant to be an escape route when they were made, right?
Wow, now Kalah can use all her movie references xD
| Alberichi chapter 16 . 9/14/2011
Wow, it's like your anticipated my thoughts! Judson came back full force!
I am sure Kathleen does not have a plan while Dr Russel has already thought out something -if this was not part of the plan from the very beginning-. It would be nice to see the two brains show what they've got. Especially Kathleen. She was hired for a reason, right?
If I were Dr Russel, I'd get rid of all of them and redo the experiment with the new data. What better way to do this than to use Kade again. He has been quite for a while now. Or maybe he has something else up his sleeve?
That was really nice! I am impatient to see what happens next! I seriousely hope your muses are back on track!
| Alberichi chapter 15 . 9/14/2011
Kalah is frightening xD. If anybody says something stupid, she's sure to point in out and rub it on them till they feel bad about it! I like this trait of hers.
Judson needs a little more screen time though. He's been a little subdued. Well, who wouldn't be in front of Kalah, Devon and Shana. But it would be nice if he did something great in the near future.
I am all excited right now. I bet Shana will scream and maybe Judson will hit the intruder thinking she's a killer! If I were kathleen, I'd lie about my current predicament. Definitely.
| Alberichi chapter 14 . 9/14/2011
That is a seriously sinister turn of events!
Poor girl! I think she's one wonderful character! I really found my own worries mirrored in her, especially that I too, would have admired a genius doctor if I had this opportunity!
Oh no, I feel so sad for her! The transition between the part and present was awesome!
Ok, scratch all of that, I LOVE Dr Russel anyway! He's a crazy maniac, but he does have good ideas!
I wonder what the groups reaction will be when they finally meet her!
| Alberichi chapter 13 . 6/5/2011
I enjoyed the constract between the strong man's responsibility at the begining, and the humiliation of the room.
Devon is simply the best character there is! He and Kalah form a very amusing duo! I can't believe he put CLOWNS in that sentence of his! Actually, almost all of what he said was funny!
But when he talked about the rooms of terror, he said something important about there being a room for Kade as well. The people around him should have suspected, in my opinion, that a psycho killer disguised as one of them could not put a room to frighten himself as well... as if he was also a pert of the victims. This should have arise suspicion about him being one of the instigators. That's what I think at least.. someone should have discussed this point.
Also, I kind of had an idea when thinking about the rooms and how to push someone to go against their fears in order to adavance. What if, after entering each neutral room, there was a time limit inflicted?
Watching people be dragged was funny with the clowns, but even after knowing that their lives are at stake, they don't even show a will to advance on their own. That is, in my opinion, because they don't know why they are going forward, they can lure themselves into thinking that there is a sense of security into staying into the neutral room. Maybe if the doors were programmed to lock themselves behind them after the time limit was consumed could give them the necessary fear that would go against their phobias. Or something along those lines. We fear the unknown punishements more than the known ones, right?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. I did not really expect Kalah's fear to be of Death. Awesome way to make Devon pee his pants xD
| Alberichi chapter 12 . 5/31/2011
"...how will they find YOU?" I think this is the words I wanted to hear from him. He was planning this all along. I was mistaken when saying that his experiment was a failure, because this is exactly the outcome he wanted to witness.
Amazing and clever. I am curious to what will happen from now on. They will eventually arrive at the computer room. Russel certainly planned something for this. I am looking forward to it.
Oh and by the way, I love how condescending he is towards kathleen. Simply love it. Strangely enough, I don't find it insane of sickening. He's obsessed. Fantastic.
| Alberichi chapter 11 . 5/28/2011
They were supposed to get the meaning of the experiment after the third room, but the events turned out in such a way that they can't even picture this possibility anymore.
The fate of Kade is shocking. The words of Kalah made the events seem even more real. You really mastered the tempo, here, kudos to you.
I can't wait to read the rest!
| Alberichi chapter 10 . 5/27/2011
I feel a little redundant saying this, but it's amazing.
She loved a man she did not know, and he showed her his true face. Fabulous.
I like the little presentiment that the girl next door had. It's like real life, with a little more excitement!
| Alberichi chapter 9 . 5/27/2011
OMG! Can't find my words! THAT was ...!
| Alberichi chapter 8 . 5/27/2011
Kathleen is too sensitive for her own good. Experiments are experiemnts after all...
But I wonder is Russel will remember that if his little game fails...