Reviews for Fire Starter
lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
Review Return

...her to sobre up... [sober]

"Because this is what I deserve." [Though stylistically I think I know what you were going for, putting this in its own paragraph, I would either re-phrase the speaker tag, maybe "And then only said one thing." or I would just pop it back into the above paragraph with the tag - either way, don't leave the comma hanging.]

"Sobre suits you," I joked. [Sober]

I liked her sobre. [Haha, okay, I don't think this is a typo anymore. Sobre is some kind of spanish word I think, maybe, but it isn't English and it doesn't mean what you're implying it means. I think the word you're looking for is "sober"]

Stepping outside the door, I heard, [Again, try to find a way to make this grammatically correct so the comma isn't hanging in mid-air. I would suggest that a colon might work better, or again, you could just shift the sentence to read more like, "Stepping outside the door, I hear her whisper." or something.]

...because a confession for Cassie means her demise. [I would stay in past tense here because most of the story is all in past tense - "meant" instead of "means"]

She had been drunk again. [Avoid passive voice - "She was drunk again"]

I drug her home – again. [dragged]

"The fire began to spread" [needs period after "spread"]

I'm not sure I like the use of Cassie's "heh" in her dialogue to denote her chuckling or giggling - I would try to just work that in to speaker tags. The "heh" distracted me a little bit because I didn't think they felt natural, whereas maybe just leave it as, "She giggled, "I face my demons!"" might give more of a method to her madness in those moments.

I think one thing overall I was a little unclear about was the relationship between Keith and Cassie. Were they considered dating or was he just a friend? How exactly did they meet each other when they seem like they come from completely different worlds? Keith comes across as very responsible and not into the drug/party scene, so I found myself curious to know the details about where they first would've met up, since I got the feeling they traveled in such different scenes. I didn't feel their relationship was romantic, more like friends - but he knows nothing about her past or anything, so it definitely became a curiosity.

Overall, I think the pacing maybe was a little quick in parts, but in the end you have a whole story with characters that were well developed. I thought you did a good job describing Rachel when Keith first sees her, and I liked the detail you put into the whole car wreck scene, it was very chilling. A good short story with a unique novel-esque structure.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
Really great work. I really enjoyed the psychoanalytic nature of your prose. I think you did a good job at showing Cassie's mysteries through her actions. She's like a puzzle piece that Keith, and the reader have to put together. I also liked how you went with the plot angle of her letting go in the end - her demise mirroring her friends, because ultimately I think that more realistic than Keith being able to save her. I did find myself wishing that we could learn more about was he always trying to save Cassie? What was his back story? I found myself craving more. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.