|Reviews for Distorted Reality|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/7/2011
"And you doing those Indian kisses you do"... this line sounded awkward to me. I think it was the you doing... you do. I might try to rephrase that.
"I see your dark chocolate glowing eyes, with all of their lies"... you already used dark chocolate to describe his eyes. I would find a new phrase to use or just not describe them at all.
Overall, I liked the piece. You contrasted the two guys really well and I think the narrator's emotions really came through in this. The ending was especially good "The one who I still see everywhere and whose name I still say in my sleep and see in my dreams" in particular was well done.
PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| blackrosestears chapter 1 . 7/26/2011
Honest, and so sad. This really tells the story of someone who is struggling to let go. Very nice work.