Reviews for Mummy
AppleCrumble chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
This was AMAZING! It was so sweet and so sad! Brilliantly done, you captured so much emotion! I really liked it :-D
AquariusGirl230191 chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
Great work here. It's really moving and evocative. You characterized the child well through language and described the mother's greif equally as well.

I really enjoyed this.

Take Care

Velvet Vixen chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
This made me cry and it was so sad but so beautiful. It was written really well and came across well as a little girl talking. There were a few minor errors but another reviewer mentioned those so I won't say them again. Loved the references to lemon tops, only a good northern lass would know about those and that added yet more reality to the whole situation. I also thought it was touching that the girl could talk to the unborn baby and I think the things the girl speaks about seem true to her character. Very very beautiful, loved it.
Letters97 chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
that was really ell-written. i think you got the childish innocence and ignorance down pat. good job. the memories of the seaside and of Grandad in hospital and the hopes for Daisy ar so beautifullu expressed. thanks for sharing!
professional griefer chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
You just made me cry...

This is beautiful. I love how she can talk to her little sister and how you pictured heaven. I also like that she's not alone up there.

It was really touching, really great. The tone was like a young girl, too.

You nailed this one.
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
“I didn't forget again I hurt myself.” Maybe you need an “after” in there.

“Stop. Look. Listen. Live.” – We got those wristbands in primary school, except the last word was think. I remember those.

Big C? Cancer I presume. Cute. Ah, another C.

Foxgloves? Is that a type of flower as well? Never heard of that one.

“Why do me miss me, Mummy?” – why do “you” miss me?

“What do you mean, Goodbye, Mummy All right, Grandad said I had to be back in the happy place before it got dark anyway.” – I think that sentence needs to be separated out. It’s a little mind boggling right now.

But all in all, this was so sadly cute. Somewhat childish, but not in the irritating way, so it was good. And it still had the depth buried within, despite being told from the perspective of a young child. She does sound so sweet. Especially with her Granddad’s looking after her comment.
Laoch chapter 1 . 11/4/2011
So sad, sweet and poignant. Extremely well written; you fit yourself into the mind of a child perfectly.

At first, I didn't really understand what had happened. Then it slowly crept up, drawing me more and more in and then suddenly, I could see it.

Excellent visuals without even flat out discribing. I think you also did great with the simplisity of the writing (though watch out for little grammar bits...)

I kind of love this.

Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 10/26/2011
Holy crap, this is so sad and heart-warming at the same time. Sad because it's a little girl talking to her mother from the grave... but also heart-warming because, like the girl says, she no longer feels pain or sadness. I like the little parts you put in there about the 'happy place', where she gets to see her grandfather and there's a lot of flowers. I also love how she's able to communicate with Daisy, and how she promises to look after her once she's born.

Just, wow. I'm usually not a sappy person, but this almost had me in tears. That doesn't happen often. I think you did a great job with the terminology - it really felt like a little girl was saying all these things.

It's strange, I don't know whether I should feel happy or sad after this. I have kinda mixed feelings... I'm just glad the little girl is happy and I hope she stays that way. The idea of her being like a guardian angel is very sweet. :)
Silver Sparke chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
This is so sweet. You captured the child's voice in a great way; I could hear it in my head as I read it.

This is almost like one of my stories, "Dear Daddy."

Choosing to have the child be dead was the most incredible part. The voice was so childish it made me want to cry, especially this line: "Your mouth is too frowny now." It was so cute and adorable and I could picture a little kid saying it.

However, when the child says she'll make Daisy smile when she's bored, it makes the piece seem kind of strange.

It was great, though. Keep it up!

~Silver Sparke
Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 9/9/2011
I liked this. The concept was original, even though it was sad, and overall you maintained this very whimsical, vaguely sorrowful, and floaty (couldn't resist) atmosphere. I feel like you capture a child's voice very well in your writing style.

The progression was well-paced. My only concern is that it was a bit too repetitive. It was fine whenever we moved from one idea to the next but things seemed to drag in the interim. And at times, I felt like we were seeing "mummy" a bit too often.

But these are just nitpicking. Overall, very lovely piece. Nice work.
disrhythmic chapter 1 . 9/1/2011
Hey from the RG :)

I like the innocent tone of this. It adds a lot of emotion and makes it even sadder that she had to die so young. I also like the way you ended it-it was nice to finish on a sweet note, and the thought of this little angel taking care of her sister is adorable. :) Very nice, all in all.
Whirlymerle chapter 1 . 8/31/2011
The death of a child is the saddest thing, and I think you captured the child's voice very well. I also thought the concept of the child being able to communicate with the mother's (I'm assuming) fetus is very interesting and unique, for that matter.

The only thing is, call me coldhearted or sick, and maybe it's because you're writing from the perspective of a child, but while I know the piece should have an element of tragedy to it, I didn't quite feel tragedy, or any other intense feeling. I'm not sure what's the mood you were trying to go for, but maybe you should try to show the mother's pain (especially since the dead child seems to be able to have special powers in the world of the dead) instead of having the kid repeat, "mummy don't cry"

Nevertheless, good work.

Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
Aww, so, so, sad. I do agree with Aphrodite: It reminds me of the Lovely Bones.
AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
aw, this is sad and beautiful. Kind of reminds of the "Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold.
Spike's inner monster chapter 1 . 6/9/2011
Interesting, good job so far friend, I like it


Was right, it's quite touching
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