|Reviews for Checking Out|
| Just Another Newbie chapter 1 . 5/14/2011
I am returning a review.
Your ending was something I didn't expect, great twist. I also loved your way of describing things. Your writing style felt a bit wordy, but it didn't feel forced and it painted a very clear picture.
Here are some edits that I would like to suggest. They are not exactly grammar corrections, just some phrases that I think would work better.
"Busy days left me little option for work, so it was a blessing when I got hired on as a night receptionist in a top hotel."
Maybe you want to say I got taken on/I got hired as a night receptionist?
"But with coffee mug in hand and spotlight above your head,.."
Add 'a' before coffee mug and spotlight, possibly?
"I told myself morning would come soon, but frustratingly not soon enough."
I found this sentence terribly confusing to read. I understood the meaning, but it's not very clear.
Loved your protagonist's thoughts inserted here and there, especially his routine with comments.