|Reviews for Calling All Angels|
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
I'm sorry I only got around to reviewing you now! I've been busy for the past week and the weeks before that, I was on a holiday. Better late then never, here comes my review!
Your plot works quite well, the only problem is that I think it doesn't really fit in a one-shot. You need to explain a lot about the Dishner, and how they achieve the dagger - I'm sure you could've fleshed out that a bit. Because this is a one-shot, they find the dagger again quite quickly, and therefore, it's tough to feel for them, to be just as glad as they are. The story could've been better, but the plot is okay - I only have one question plot-related: why are the angels talking normally when they're all telepathic? I'm sure they can all talk through their minds, can't they?
Apart from that, I've looked for spelling, grammar and other mistakes and found a few that I recommend fixing. Here they are:
'had unique, super natural ' supernatural
'"Stop messing around.
Ainu ' I miss a quotation mark behind the period. It's just minor, but as we say in the Netherlands, all the bits help :)
'The oldest Dishner in their order, Rinu, had stood' I think you mean 'had stood up'
'and his face was set in a snarl' I miss a period here
'when a Dishner reached adult hood' adulthood is one word
'all of the other adventures the three best friend's ' My English teacher was very strict about this: never use an apostrophe in plural's. Also, I love hypocritical humor :)
'This is just so frusterating' Frusterating? That's like frustrating, but then even worse?
'It fought, snarling hidieously' hideously
'her body coiled like a lioness's her knife ' lioness's. Her knife...
'"we wanted to over through you. "' 'Over through you'? Aren't you missing a word here?
'Throw them in the dungons' dungeons
'knocking them to the ground and pinning them their' pinning them there
One review returned, just three to go! I might review something else you've written today, I might postpone it to tomorrow, you'll find out soon :)
| jenny-babe-16 chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
Wow. I really like this story, I mean I REALLY like this story. Um, there were a few punctuation errors and words seemed to be missing, I noticed it in the begining of the story. You also used 'their' when it should've been 'there' at the last bit of the story when Ainu knocks the 2 guys to the ground you said the force was "pinning them their". Just so you know.
But overall its a good story.
| theDeadTree chapter 1 . 5/1/2011
wow! You're writing has really improved! There are a few typos that I spotted, ut other than that, this story looks really promising.