|Reviews for Proof Positive|
| dreamercrys chapter 21 . 3/18/2012
Love it! Can't wait for more. I hope Lisa and Delilah gets their asses handed to him...lol )
| Erin Bear chapter 21 . 11/20/2011
I have mixed feelings about this story. Like many ladies, I'm a sucker for a good pregnancy story. I like the initial idea of the story, but I feel the plot's gone bland. Every chapter feels very similar: Lisa reiterates that she wants to buy Jack's company, Delilah swings by the office to be annoying, and Jack and KC usually have sex. There's never anything new or exciting. I thought there might have been some action at the end of chapter 19 when Delilah looks "dressed to kill" and is holding a letter opener, but nothing happens. There isn't even a hint of an attack. Overall, I just feel like I'm reading the same chapter over and over.
The characters also fall flat for me, as well. I like the relationship between Jack and KC, but there's very little conflict between them. They don't fight about anything; the closest they came to that was over Jack wanting KC to move in, but she just said no and moved on. They don't make any mistakes and have to regain each other's love and trust. They're just kind of boring.
Lisa's ambitions don't make any sense to me. If she's not out for Jack's money, why does she want to remarry him? Does she really love him? Didn't they end their engagement mutually? I'm just confused as to her true intentions.
To me, Delilah is the true villain. She's way more annoying than Lisa, but I feel like her presence is forced into the story. At first, she didn't make any sense. Why would Lisa's maid of honor be that invested in trying to get Lisa and Jack back together? After it's revealed she owns the tabloid, it makes more sense, but I still feel her character is missing some impetus to be constantly involved. I mean, she's involved in Lisa's life more than Lisa is.
I also don't understand why Lisa and Delilah are always at the office building. Do they work there? I thought Jack might have mentioned that Lisa was a secretary there, but if that's true, she never does any work. That also wouldn't make any sense, because how would she be able to buy the company if she was only a secretary? Delilah, on the other hand, definitely doesn't work there. If Jack and KC's company is so rich, don't they have any security at the entrance? They get so annoyed at her, so I feel like it'd be really easy for them to tell a security guard to not let certain people in, like those two dumb girls. The same goes at Jack's apartment: wouldn't the place he lives at have any sort of doorman to stop Delilah? It doesn't make sense that she's always able to get them.
KC keeps mentioning Lisa almost blowing the stripper at her bachelorette party. While this does make Lisa's character look bad, it's become boring. We understand that Lisa tried to do something stupid while drunk (and she didn't even go through with it), so bring up some new information about her to make us dislike her. Right now, I only see her as a whiny character, but not at all threatening.
One thing I do like about this story is the character of Maureen. She's funny and breaks up the monotony of the other characters, so I wish she had a few more appearances.
I also skimmed through the chapter 1 and noticed you wrote in a character named Alicia who was supposed to be KC's best friend, but who has never been mentioned again.
I think you're a good writer in the aspect that your prose is very clear and easy to read. However, you're writing a story that has no spark to it. There's nothing about it that's exciting or keeps readers on the edge of their seats. It's just an undramatic romance. Romance readers, though, thrive on drama and emotional conflict. We want to see Jack abandon KC, realize he loves her, and then crawl on his hands and knees to win her back. We want to see KC going through emotional hell. We want Lisa to be evil. We want there to be that moment when we feel our hearts breaking because of the character's mistakes. There isn't any of that, though. Jack and KC seem to be content to be friends that like to have sex. 21 chapters in, and they haven't even thought about defining their relationship, or wonder if they love each other.
I want this review to be an eye opener for you. I really think you have potential to a great writer, so I hope this helps to push your writing to the next level.
| LilKi10 chapter 19 . 10/23/2011
Oh i don't like Delilah. She seems more obsessed with Jack then Lisa. I hope that you don't break Jack and KC up. I hope that you can update again soon.
| foxyricanlady chapter 19 . 10/21/2011
that's cruel. not updating in a while and then leaving us with a cliffy thats just so wrong... great update please update soon
| Jensi chapter 19 . 10/21/2011
I am so glad to see this back! I hope that he does ask her to marry him soon, if he fixes everything else, and that she says yes. They are great together!
Thanks for getting back to this one...so much. Love it!
| koerle chapter 18 . 7/29/2011
This blackmailing business is actually kind of crazy. You know what they should do as a reaction to te news paper article? Just elope to Vegas and get married. That would give them something to write about, lol.
| Jensi chapter 18 . 7/28/2011
Ugh. So much difficulty. They need to focus on them and their baby. Lisa and her friend need to go away.
| foxyricanlady chapter 18 . 7/28/2011
great update. hope that the ground opens and drag her and lisa to hell... please update soon
| foxyricanlady chapter 17 . 7/21/2011
I truely hate those two witches... aagggrrrrrr
| Jensi chapter 16 . 7/18/2011
Lisa is so desperate to get him back that is is pathetic. he has moved on, at least I think he has, and he has a new beginning. When is he going to let the cat out of the bag? Maybe the baby will get her to leave him alone, unless there is more? Great story. You are so good at updating! :) Thank you!
| foxyricanlady chapter 16 . 7/18/2011
ok please please let those two witches die painfully...
| foxyricanlady chapter 15 . 7/16/2011
that was really good. not letting delilah mess with their time together cant wait to see what gonna happen next
| jeanannette chapter 14 . 7/12/2011
update soon pls.
| foxyricanlady chapter 14 . 7/12/2011
well i'll say he should let KC have a go at delilah and sit back enjoy the show down,,,, but it better if they dont fight at least ontil the baby is born
| foxyricanlady chapter 13 . 7/12/2011
now thats a real man! cant wait to see what lisa's gonna do when she finds out