Reviews for Look Where It's Left Me
Crystalynn chapter 2 . 5/24/2011
I like how in the end you say "my girl" when in reality, she seems to have no clue how much you like her!

I think I'd like the next chapter to be from HER point of view! Oh, and you need to give her a name! Preferably something lovely like "Grace" I dunno, that's too cliche I bet. But Grace from Avatar was very well-named since she wasn't graceful at all. XD She was real rough around the edges. So maybe an ironic name would be fun too.

I'd like to see from her point of view. I think that'd put a nice twist on things. Kinda like how Kaleidoscope switches to poor, naive Lucas who doesnt realize his sweet little friend is actually the culprit behind his being drugged with roofies!
MangoStarr chapter 2 . 5/23/2011
It's kinda boring, to be honest. We know he is interested in some chick, but that's all the two chapters have been about. And he really likes her eyes, we get that.

I'm not trying to sound harsh, but try writing about something other than sitting in class and thinking about her.
Nikolai chapter 1 . 5/5/2011
AW! :D
Crystalynn chapter 1 . 5/5/2011
You wrote it! Dam now i have no excuse to attack you like a rabid fangirl dog! D:

Anyway this opening is perfect! XD It's hilarious how you describe sitting in your seat, balanced on only two legs of the chair! I so do that all the freakin time! It's dangerous, I know but I can't stop! I must've fallen like 50 times in my highschool career. Yeah so maybe i am a clutz.

Anyway i totally think this needs more description! You've got the perfect high school feel to it but now it needs some highschool drama! I'd totally love it if our main char stalked the girl! hahaha! That would be golden! Hey have you read my Kaleidoscope? I think this story is JUST like my Kaleidoscope! You so have to see!

Ok here's what I thought when first reading this: why do you find the need to tell us in the summary, what the main char's biological sex is? I think that's totally whack! You have to change the summary for sure! I want the reader to be SURPRISED! Wouldn't that be excellent? You could set it up as a mystery type deal so the reader has to put the clues together to figure out who/what the main character is! Better yet, the reader gets a chance to imagine the main character as whoever they want it to be, including themself! That's def a plus. And if the pretty eye girl is somewhat common looking (ie brown hair) the reader can even imagine her as the girl THEY just so happen to like!

The more your reader can put themself into the main char shoes the better! And I think this story is prime for that! You could even toss in a crazy twist in the end! Leave the sex of the main char as a mystery and I think this could become literary gold! Everyone loves a good surprise!
ExoticErotica chapter 1 . 5/5/2011
You should definitely continue this.

I feel that the setting would ring very familiar to anyone attending highschool, and that's a definite plus. The feelings are very well described and I like the way it all feels so REAL.

However, I think you'd do well to continue on to chapter two. We need to know more about what the main character looks, acts and feels like. Also, the girl she loves. We need to know more about her besides her eye color. What about height, hair and style of dress? What's her personality? Is she sweet or spunky? What's so loveable about her? I'd really like to know!

Anyway, you've set this up PERFECTLY for a chapter two, and I hope you don't disappoint us by not creating one! I'll be looking out for part two!