|Reviews for Velocity|
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 6 . 4/13/2012
The explanation for the Hive was great, as well as the general idea for the games. Since the games and flight devices are so dangerous, I can see why everyone keeps questioning whether they have insurance or not, lol. The maneuvers and action sequences had some nice detail, something I wish I could write a heck of a lot better.
Another good chapter, as always.
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 5 . 4/13/2012
"The Cyborg Unicorns are fortunately now in a territory dispute with the flying pachyderm aliens with their deadly arsenal of technologically advanced DEATH RAYS…. Which would be fine, if there wasn't already a race of GIANT SWORDFISH KILLER KAMAKAZI BEES that wish to create their HIVE PYRAMID in the center of the PENTAGON."
Gotta love Percy, lol. Another excellent chapter.
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 4 . 4/13/2012
You don't remember anything after you snap out of it, the best part being that you have no regrets in hindsight.
Although often, your situation will be baffling. Today, I'd ended up next to a pile of snoring dancers wearing a floral shirt and a laou.
Hence why the drink was illegal to produce, illegal to store, but not technically illegal to sell and drink because almost everyone sometimes wants the feeling of a good night out without the horrible memories of what you actually did.
Ah, this was great. If only such a drink were available. Of course, you can still just get hammered till you're unconscious.
It looks like the Artfactory specializes in some particularly useful technology. I wonder if that exoskeleton will come in handy.
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 3 . 4/13/2012
Seems like Finston's relationship with his pop has a few rough patches.
"Mom would have fought. She wouldn't have just given up." I walked up the stairs. It was a low blow, even for me, but sometimes I just can't stand the way he feels that he can just… let things go.
I liked the characterization here, especially around this part, with what this short paragraph implies.
Uhh, something I've been wondering though off topic, what kind of word processing software do you use? The words and format are a little close together, and makes the story a little hard to read. I think open office doesn't have that spacing issue.
Anyway, on to chapter four!
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 2 . 4/13/2012
Another short chapter, but easily kept my interests as always, especially with the description of the city.
"Impulse nooses can't be used on people in flight, unless you want that person to face-plant in the dirt."
This particular sentence here caught my attention. If Nike's new technology allows flight like this, does that mean that the city itself has advanced technology? Seems like the Impulse nooses are something used by the police?
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Finally getting around to returning those reviews you gave me a bajillion months ago. I'm terrible, I know.
As always, you've got a knack for a good opening. One of the things I like most about your writing is that you know how to start a story off with a good opening sentence.
"The great thing about having a dad for an inventor, is that you get to play lab-rat for him."
Seems like the protagonist is a bit unconcerned about his well being, or maybe that he's already gotten used to it. Especially after the shoes fail.
Not much else to say here as it's a relevantly short prologue, but it caught my interest which is good. On to chapter 2.