|Reviews for In His Arms|
| mousegirl05 chapter 1 . 6/5/2011
Good afternoon! I found this piece to be both tender and smooth. I'm impressed how in such a short time you were able to establish the regard and care these two characters have for each other. I like them both already-Jet seemed mysterious and Blue devoted. *laughs* I certainly wanted to know more about them and their lives immediately, which is of course a good sign in someone's writing. I even went and looked on your stories page for me, but alas, I didn't find them anywhere. I certainly hope that I wasn't just being stupid and missed it. XD Anyhoo, nice job. Cheers!
| Crystalynn chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
This is sweet but I'm definitely not feeling the fantasy setting. Nothing is fantastical but Jet's vague stories. You describe Blue's body as being catlike, but don't give enough detail into just HOW it's catlike. Does he have a tail? Cat's ears? Is that part of the fantasy?
Are these two humans, wizards, animorphs? There's no really telling. I only know that one has brown hair and one has darker hair. Green eyes and blue. The fact that he has blue eyes only confuses, however, since Blue's actual name is blue. A partner with blue eyes should be the uke, yet it seems Blue is. Or rather, neither is, since they don't have an official relationship.
I think overall, this is too complicated for its length. If it were a simple lovescene between a catboy and his human companion, it would be much more enjoyable. Instead, I'm left with the feeling that everything has been underexplained. Rather than a sense of mystery and intrigue, I feel a bit cheated.
That is just how I feel as a first time reader. A second read would most likely clear things up. But keep in mind that an opening chapter is only beneficial if it can capture intrigue in just one read.
I'd recommend providing a full description of both boy's bodies. Are they thin or athletic? Handsome or pretty? What kind of personalities do they have?
I was rather hoping Jet would recount the tale of when he first met Blue. I think that would have been perfectly sweet.