|Reviews for The Doll|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
Nice. I like the musing of our unnamed narrator, thinking of all the possibilities. And the writing reflects a childish mind too; beautiful yet simple. Not so young as to need a chaperone for every step, but someone who still plays with doll, still fantasies about royalty and such. Nicely written. You should distinguish when a person is talking though, using ' or ". And "it wasn't toy dog" - you should probably add a "the" in there. It sounds like "toy dog" is a name. Unless it is a name, in which case you should capitalize it. Your description of the doll is beautiful though, but I think you should add another line describing its current state.
At the beginning, I was hoping you'd describe more about the current state of the doll, but then realised towards the end it's far more effective without that. Gives more mystery to its origins.
Another small tidbit. You're dancing amongst the present and past tense. While you can get away with the whole "found" vs. "wonder" thing as we may assume she's wondering in present time...the "ask" in the first paragraph somewhat throws me off. It's somewhat hard to tell the time in which this scene is set. Is she musing in the process of buying the doll and journeying home or an undefined amount of time after?
| selahandsong chapter 1 . 5/9/2011
Totally loved this story!
It's simple, and may not have one focused plot, but the imagery and ideas that are expressed through it is absolutely incredible.
Great job! I loved the way you described the different scenarios of the doll and I really liked the repetition regarding the mystery of the doll's origin.
Once again, great job! Well done, and keep writing! :)