The synopsis caught my attention at first and I was glad to have read this hehe. It was a nice and cute read, and you definitely have that Cat and Mouse trait going on for them which complements their character till the end. I like the opposites attract and ice and fire thing going on and that Tricia isn't the typical Queen B. Hmm despite her bad treatment, her character's reasoning of why she asked Minnie to do that made sense, for the sake of the story. Minnie seems timid although I like that she also said she's not a complete pushover - would love to see her grow courage in dealing with Tricia afterwards hehe. Jasper! Man, he's a bad boy alright down to his green pumps (lol her hoping he's not in a bad mood because of the colour of it) - he's a total flirt and I was grinning at the two of them till the end. Great job!

Nice..

Awwwww! That was honestly the cutest story ever!

Hi! This is Juliet from A Drop of Romeo. When your story was featured on ADoR, a judge wrote this review for it: The premise of the story is simple: small and demure Minnie is being coerced by Tricia into approaching Jasper Lion, whose reputation as an alcoholic and violent rebel precedes him. Already, the situation looks interesting. But the well balanced characters and flowing, flawless writing make the story even more appealing to read.
Details about each character are used to carefully sketch the “cat and mouse” metaphor- a perfectly apt analogy for timid Minnie and scary Jasper. But the characters aren’t defined only by their most obvious traits. Minnie is naive and adorable, perhaps bordering on too sweet, but she’s no prude. Tricia, the blackmailer, is unpleasant but perfectly human. Jasper is deceptively prickly, with a defiant attitude that is belied by his gentle nature.

The multi-dimensional characters and sound writing give depth to a story that could very easily have been too much of a cliché. So if you’re looking for good, well-written fluff, try indulging your bad boy fantasy with this cute one-shot.

sooo cutte... I really needed something cute and fun because I have had a horrible day so thank you sooo much :D

This is the CUTEST thing EVER! I LOVE IT!

I love Nancy, I really do. And I feel that Nancy type people need Jasper like people to look out for them. I really enjoyed your story

One of my favorites, well done.

That was amazing and cute and I love love loved it.

I especially was drawn in by your main character. She was so...original and unique. It's because you kept up with her characterization throughout the story. She was shy and accommodating and easily manipulated. I love that her inner thoughts really reflected this. She didn't have random, violent thoughts that most people wouldn't expect of her. She wasn't closeting any part of her personality or hiding her "real" thoughts. She just was who she was. And she didn't suddenly grow a backbone out of nowhere or become flirty and confident because of some guy. You stuck to the character you created and it was just so interesting to read. Usually people try to push change too quickly into their characters, and it looks strange – especially in one-shots. Also, I rarely read a character who is so shy in every action, reaction and interaction they go through. Still, she had her own quirky, cute and funny thoughts and they just fit so perfectly with her personality.

Jasper was...well, interesting. I wanted to get to know him a bit more. But the way you described him and the way he spoke...was hot. He seemed like my kinda guy. ;-) Anyway, he was not without his own quirks, which I loved. Your depiction of his bad boy antics and personality traits was intriguing and it pulled me in. I especially loved how he didn't even want a confrontation with this little girl before him, just told her several times to walk away – not get lost or scram or beat it. He was actually quite polite in that aspect. I guess his character being so different from Nancy's (I almost wrote Minnie!) in so many ways gives us this great contrast, so seeing him be so...calm and kind with her was endearing.

I loved the interaction between the two. It was cute the way he reacted to her talking about his hair and his incredulity that she never thought he'd say yes. Nancy (almost wrote Minnie again!) was also very adorable in her slight indignation at being called short or little, which she apparently couldn't quite hide in her expression. It was especially squeal-worthy when he described her himself and talked about her Bambi eyes. I loved it all.

Everything seemed so perfect. Until the end. It felt like you tried a little too hard to wrap things up neatly with perfect explanations. She suddenly lost her shyness and was saying out-of-character things. It was when she began listing the ways he was like a cat. When she continued on with "dangers attitude and hot looks" I just felt like it wasn't something that could just roll off her tongue, given her character.

The first kiss was amazing, because you didn't force it and you even said she just stood there with her arms at her sides, "dangling uselessly" so it seemed believable and natural. But somehow at the end she's abruptly less shy about kissing him. I think it would've felt more real if you had started out that second kiss with her acting shy at first and hesitantly taking control, like she's trying to get the hang of it first before kissing him back with enough vigor to prove she might not be as mousey as everyone thinks.

I think there were a few errors in there. You didn't add "st" to 21st century, and it just bothered me. "[Gulp]" kind of looked weird and out of place to me, especially given that we don't see another action described this way. But maybe it's just me and personal preference. There was some sentence structure that I thought could be improved, such as Jasper's dialogue as he's reiterating her grand plan after she reveals the blackmail – it’s broken up unnecessarily. Also, I believe the stuttering words like "but" and "to" need some kind of punctuation, because just repeating the words doesn't have the effect you're going for. I think you use the hyphen for that, but some people might use the dash. You just need to look it up yourself and decide on your own.

Anyway, I do love this one-shot and your writing was awesome. I look forward to reading more from you in the future! Though I'm kinda picky these days so I've been binging on one-shots less than 5K words...

Good luck writing in the future!

xoxo

This is bloody amazing...absoutely awesome oneshot, great work on this! Wish it was a full story though haha

It was definitely short and I felt that it was moving really fast. But what kept me to keep reading wasn't the fact that I had so little to read left but that it was always cute. The way you described Jasper and the nicknames and features of Nancy. I thought it was all so cute. (/_\)

xoxo,
JustWish

Friggin best story ever! You should write an other chapter! But it was perfect like this anyway, loved it

Friggin best story ever! Lol you should write a seconde chapter:) loved it

Adorable! I wish there was more :D

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww