Reviews for The Lost Story Of The Chosen Ones Pt 1
HeroofEnelios chapter 5 . 7/16/2011
When James came in and asked what happened, then he found out and Lorenzo said "I lied" after James told him that Lorenzo swore, I laughed. I really did. Nicely done, best chapter so far I gotta say. Excellent writing.
ChocolateCookie chapter 4 . 5/27/2011
Only four reviews? What a pity.

Anyway, I'll preface by saying this isn't my kind of story, with vampires and prophecies, but I was happily surprised when I actually read it, compared to what the summary was like.

You certainly write well, good grammar, not many typos, and you characters are fairly-well developed. I didn't like the prologue because I thought it was unrealistic, in terms of how your characters acted, but the next one stepped it up, and even the ones after that were better.

I DO NOT like the use of earthspin and moons. It's immensely distracting and I don't see how it adds anything at all to the story. I mean, if you're in a story where one of the main characters wears a trench coat, which comes from, I believe, the first world war, then you can call a day a day and a month a month.

I did like that your description of vampires has been so far less... twilight or Ann Rice than I expected. I've hated the whole idea of vampires since before long Twilight, but the way you've handled them so far has been good.

You've got a nice slow development happening so far, though it's a little annoying that we get this romance between James and Katarina but no buildup to it on the reader's part. I notice you like to end chapters with a revalation - it's a good trick for retaining a reader's attention, but used too frequently, it becomes bland. Be careful with it. Overall, it's a well-written story, with fairly fleshed out characters, and though I can't tell this early what the plot will be like, I've no doubt you'll make it a good one. It's not my kind of story, so I won't continue reading sorry, but I'm surprised it's not more popular than it is. Try joining some communities and making your summary more exciting.
HeroofEnelios chapter 4 . 5/26/2011
Okay and another surprise twist, one I was not expecting again. You're good at this, and I mean really, really good. I give you two thumbs up (three if I could). Amazing chapter, I'm anxious to read more now.
HeroofEnelios chapter 3 . 5/26/2011
Okay this entire chapter I kept grinning at every turn, with Katriana, James, all this stuff then at the end when Katriana's father said you vampire's are so old fashion I kind of went speechless. Wow. Was not expecting that. Really well done, that was great.
HeroofEnelios chapter 2 . 5/26/2011
I liked this chapter a lot, it gave some insight on the character Katriana. She's, interesting. Boys are icky? Huh. I've heard that somewhere before... I think. Anyways great chapter. :)
HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 5/26/2011
That woman Marilyn is insane if she is trying to kill a newborn child! That's just awful! But it is a surprise for a baby to be born and not cry since that's what they do. Interesting... and exciting. Really well done first chapter, I'm definitely gonna read more.