|Reviews for Meet Me at the Altar|
| sacrificed heart chapter 5 . 8/8/2011
im loving this story! :)
| mylittleprincess chapter 5 . 8/8/2011
i enjoyed reading your story update more please
| wisedec4u chapter 4 . 8/8/2011
From RG Easy Fix:
I want to start off by saying I think you're a very good writer who shows much potential. Your dialogue always comes off very natural (accept for the use of the word augh! LOL). I also enjoy the easy going friendship between Tristen and Nora. They personalities seem to compliment each other so well. Now on to my concrit. My main drawback on this story is that it seems extremely slow paced. We're into the fourth chapter and I still have no ideal what type of story this is going to be or where it is leading. There is no tension, no conflict, nothing at this point that tells me who she has a romantic interest in. It feels a little too bogged down in details that really don't add anything to your story or move it forward. In romance (if this is a romance), there has to be some element of tension or attraction (even if it's one sided at first) to give readers a little clue as to who the main character's love interest will be. If romance is not what you're going for than ignore my previous comment. However, any work of fiction has an objective hold a readers attention and give us a reason to want to turn to next page to see what happens next. If you’re not sure your story is moving forward, my suggestion is to ask yourself if you deleted this chapter from your story would it affect the storyline or change how your main character behaves. Does the actions of the characters push along the plot? Of course this is your story and you should write how you feel it should be written. These are solely my opinions so you can take or leave them as you see fit. Just know that I wouldn’t have written such a long review if I didn’t see such true potential in this story or your great talent as a writer.
| Ezekiel Finch chapter 4 . 8/7/2011
Hello from the RG!
I really like how you really anyalized Skip's personality and quirks. Animals are just as complex as humans and it shows both your ability to be creative but also Nora's ability to be observant. It was a very small detail in the context of the story but it is a nice way to flex your creative muscles.
I also like the restrained interaction between Nora and Mr. Simmons. You are repeatedly pushing them together by saying that she will see him at the wedding and because of that there is a little foreshadowing occuring. This is the point where the writer will go out of their way to have the main character jump head over heels for the person, but you kept Nora's interaction strictly professional. I like the restraint you have and your fellow readers agree.
| Luridpretty chapter 4 . 8/7/2011
You've really managed to grab my interest with Nora; her desire to drink herself silly despite not being a regular drinker is intriguing. I like the way you handle Tristan's blindness, a lot of people would have made him seem more "disabled", which you didn't - you portrayed him as a normal person, just blind. Your dialogue is very good, too, because it's very realistic and believable. You missed a lot of commas, however. For example, "We had wine the night before, remember?" instead of "we had wine the night before remember?"; "I was drunk, not unconscious" instead of "I was drunk not unconscious"; etc. Good job, though :)
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 4 . 8/7/2011
Hello from the Review Game!
I like how you have Nora pondering why she got drunk the night before. It shows that she's just as susceptible to being depressed or sad as other people, considering her drunkenness was most likely her trying to escape from her loneliness. At least, that's the vibe I got from her reaction, and I think it makes her all the more human and easier to relate to.
It's good to see Tristan hasn't lost his confidence! He is indeed a funny character, and I always love how he just seems to be able to hook up with anyone he wants, haha. I'm glad he doesn't let his disability keep him down.
My only gripe is somewhere near the middle of the chapter, when they're walking to get Nora's car, I felt the pace was a bit too quick and dialogue heavy. I would have liked to know a bit more about the setting, maybe the state of the weather or a little more about how Nora was feeling. Maybe even a bit more of her thoughts on her brother's antics when dealing with women. I think some fluff about Nora's reflecting on the night before might make it move along a bit better, and give the reader some more insight to her character.
| singer22498 chapter 4 . 8/6/2011
I really liked this, can't wait for more! Again, I really love the characters, especially Tristan! This chapter was a little short though. I didn't feel like it particularly moved the story along. However, I still liked it. You are developing the personalities and stuff like that very well.
I am interested to see where this plot goes. Right now, it just seems like you are explaining and creating Nora's daily life and relationships, not really doing much of the main story yet.
overall, can't wait for chapter 5!
| WoodpeckerWho chapter 4 . 8/6/2011
I really liked how Nora and Tristan's relationship was developed in this chapter; it's portrayed as very sturdy and realistic. I thought that this was especially shown in the line about Tristan being bored with Nora's rambling about photography; it's the type of thing which a good friend would think, but not wish to complain about, so I think it was a key mark upon their friendship.
With the opening, I was a little of unsure of Nora actually speaking those things out loud to herself; I thought that they perhaps would be better as thoughts, then finding Tristan and saying about not thinking that she drank that much, if that makes sense? Although talking out loud to oneself is a common portrayal in writing, I think many few people actually do it, and Nora doesn't really strike me as the zany type of person who would.
There were a couple of spacing errors which I noticed, but are easily spotted and corrected if you were to re-read over this chapter. I think there is a spelling error in this line, although I'm not too sure:[chowed down the food] is it meant to be 'chewed'? If it is 'chowed', I don't really feel that it works particularly well there.
I was also intrigued by the ending of this; I could be wrong, but is Mr. Simmons perhaps a future love interest? I could be completely wrong with this, but it's just what I thought. I can't wait to find out! :D
| lookingwest chapter 3 . 8/5/2011
-Edit: Should be capitalized "OK" or spelled out "okay"
I liked the club scene because I thought it was exciting and a change of scenery from a normal date scenario I've usually seen in narratives. I also liked the dialogue because I thought it was realistic, especially the change in Nora's attitude as she drinks more. Having it not really work out was new too, as I thought she'd at least find someone-obviously it isn't here scene.
| Pottermaniac chapter 3 . 8/5/2011
I reads it! It's great! looking forward to the next chapter! It is going a bit slow though, but if it's as long as you say, then I suppose that's ok. I wants more backstory...character development! ] Is it just me, or would Nora and Tristan be pretty good together? though Nora's drunk line about that being disgusting is pretty hilarious!
| dellasaurus chapter 3 . 8/2/2011
After reading all three chapters, I think you're story is really on the right track! :) You presented some very interesting issues and characters as well. I really liked Tristan's character because he's very easy going and laid back, and he doesn't let his disability get him down. I think his character and Nora's character sort of balance each other out in a really good way, seeing as she tends to sweat the small stuff. Overall, I think you matched them up (friendship-wise) quite nicely.
I had trouble finding things that should be improved on, since I think your writing is very good. There is one thing I disliked though; I think you should maybe use a little less detail in your writing. Detail is always very good to have because it helps build the setting and the scene in the reader's mind, but I think that having too much detail takes away from the story a little bit. The reader should be able to picture these things in their mind without being told. I tend to do this a lot as well, so what I do is re-read my writing and try to summarize and shorten things that I find to be too detailed, for example, when describing a character's actions or even the setting.
Other than that, however, I think you have quite an enjoyable story here :D Can't wait for more!
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 8/1/2011
When you have Nora's thoughts in the narrative, I would suggest italicizing them so that it's clear it's her inner thought and not a slip in point of view. If you have a manuscript form of this, I would then underline. An example:
My school photos check should be coming in soon, and so will the advance from the Simmons Saunders wedding.
-I'm assuming that's her inner thoughts?
"Hello?" She muttered into the phone...
-Edit: un-capitalize "She"
...having completely forgotten the plans she'd made with Tristan, "Yeah, we're still on. ..."
-Edit: would put a period instead of a comma after "Tristan"
"Close," Nora told him, "Its lasagna. ..."
-Edit: un-capitalize "Its"
A lot of the dialogue isn't as clean as I would like it to be, there's a lot of places where commas should be periods and sentences start in places I don't think you mean them to, an example:
"Mmm, that smells delicious. What is it?" He asked inhaling deeply, "Wait don't tell me. Pasta?"
This reads as two sentences. "Mmm, that smells delicious. What is it?"
and 'He asked inhaling deeply, "Wait don't tell me. Pasta?"'
I think you intended it to read:
"Mmm, that smells delicious. What is it?" he asked inhaling deeply. "Wait, don't tell me. Pasta?"
Then the speaker tag is part of the first sentence instead of the second by un-capitalizing the "he" and putting a period after "deeply." If you did intend the first way, then I would suggest the second for stylistic matters, but grammatically it's okay.
So it was kind of a lot of stuff like that, that just wasn't clear with the dialogue and makes it read funny in places.
Since the dialogue is pretty much the entire chapter, I would really make sure you polish all of those speaker tags and really hone in on how to make it shine. I would also stylistically suggest using the word "said" as much as possible, and do away with adjectives for it like "quipped" or "decided"-that's just some advice I've been given by professors, but it's simply stylistic, and ultimately your choice.
For having a chapter based heavily on dialogue flow, I think you did a good job with pacing and I liked that because it kept the story moving along despite the fact there wasn't a big action scene or anything. I did kind of want something to happen that involved action though, it just seemed like a lot of daily conversation and mannerisms that one sees in life everyday, and to really make it catch my interest I wanted a little of something I haven't seen before. Seeing the development between the characters and how you brought both Tristan and Nora out of their shells throughout the chapter was fun to see, too!
| Boy at War chapter 3 . 7/5/2011
"He pulled her towards her," Pulled her towards him
I liked the way you introduced the plot and the connection to the title in such a different way. I was thrown for a loop with the way Nora threw herself on Tristan.
I thought for how serious Tristan was trying to get Nora a guy, he didn't really try that much. I know he can't introduce her to guys and stuff but he could at least watch(in the figurative sense) over her a bit more than he did.
| singer22498 chapter 3 . 6/29/2011
I really liked this chapter! I love the whole story, and I love Tristan!
The only problem was that you had a few grammar issues, but your computer probably didnt see them because nothing was spelled wrong. For example there are parts when you type things like "an" and "the" when it is really supposed to be "and" or "There". My only advice would be to make sure to proofread your work for small mistakes like that.
One thing I like was your characters. I like Tristan better than Nora, and I think he has a very solid personality. I liked that you made him blind, because it adds things to the story. However, I think that at times Nora's personality is confusing. Sometimes she seems bland and normal, and other times she is funny and or sarcastic. I like the way that she is when she is with Tristan.
Oh and I loved how in the chapter she got drunk, because that was just really funny, and it added more to her relationship and Tristan's feelings toward her.
| Dexterity chapter 3 . 6/3/2011
Thanks for your review. I've come to return it (and to catch up on this wonderful story of course). Sorry if this sounds a little fragmented, because I'll be writing as I read.
Some little things I'd like to mention about this chapter:
"She hadn't realized how serious Tristan had been being when he said he was going to try to get her a guy tonight." - maybe it's just me, but this sounds a little awkward. What about "She hadn't realized how serious Tristan had been when he said he would try to get her a guy tonight."?
"Eventually she got enough into the rhythm that forgot about..." - should it be "...the rhythm that she forgot..."?
"Tristan kept one arm firmly around his waist..." - should it be "her waist"?
"...but for he life of her..." - "the life of her..."
"I think this is garlic bread he thought..." - maybe put "I think this is garlic bread" in quotes or italics, something to distinguish it from the narrative? It was a little confusing to see a first person perspective all of a sudden. Same with the later sentence "Please for God's sakes let it not be to me"
"I don't think it's that it's that easy Nora." - should it be "I don't think it's that easy Nora."?
"he eased himself of the couch" - should it be "...off the couch..."?
Overall, another nice chapter. I liked this one more than the first as well. Great job on developing the characters. I always find it amazing when the author can keep readers engaged without any action scenes. Throughout this chapter, I keep wondering if there is something going on between Tristan and Nora (even Aria thinks so, haha), but then, they seemed to have denied it towards the end of the chapter. Aww...hopefully Nora will find someone, because I feel so sorry for her towards the end.
Great job once again. Thanks for the nice story.