|Reviews for Meet Me at the Altar|
| singer22498 chapter 3 . 6/29/2011
I really liked this chapter! I love the whole story, and I love Tristan!
The only problem was that you had a few grammar issues, but your computer probably didnt see them because nothing was spelled wrong. For example there are parts when you type things like "an" and "the" when it is really supposed to be "and" or "There". My only advice would be to make sure to proofread your work for small mistakes like that.
One thing I like was your characters. I like Tristan better than Nora, and I think he has a very solid personality. I liked that you made him blind, because it adds things to the story. However, I think that at times Nora's personality is confusing. Sometimes she seems bland and normal, and other times she is funny and or sarcastic. I like the way that she is when she is with Tristan.
Oh and I loved how in the chapter she got drunk, because that was just really funny, and it added more to her relationship and Tristan's feelings toward her.
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 3 . 6/3/2011
Thanks for your review. I've come to return it (and to catch up on this wonderful story of course). Sorry if this sounds a little fragmented, because I'll be writing as I read.
Some little things I'd like to mention about this chapter:
"She hadn't realized how serious Tristan had been being when he said he was going to try to get her a guy tonight." - maybe it's just me, but this sounds a little awkward. What about "She hadn't realized how serious Tristan had been when he said he would try to get her a guy tonight."?
"Eventually she got enough into the rhythm that forgot about..." - should it be "...the rhythm that she forgot..."?
"Tristan kept one arm firmly around his waist..." - should it be "her waist"?
"...but for he life of her..." - "the life of her..."
"I think this is garlic bread he thought..." - maybe put "I think this is garlic bread" in quotes or italics, something to distinguish it from the narrative? It was a little confusing to see a first person perspective all of a sudden. Same with the later sentence "Please for God's sakes let it not be to me"
"I don't think it's that it's that easy Nora." - should it be "I don't think it's that easy Nora."?
"he eased himself of the couch" - should it be "...off the couch..."?
Overall, another nice chapter. I liked this one more than the first as well. Great job on developing the characters. I always find it amazing when the author can keep readers engaged without any action scenes. Throughout this chapter, I keep wondering if there is something going on between Tristan and Nora (even Aria thinks so, haha), but then, they seemed to have denied it towards the end of the chapter. Aww...hopefully Nora will find someone, because I feel so sorry for her towards the end.
Great job once again. Thanks for the nice story.
| ImperfectAngel16 chapter 3 . 6/2/2011
First great story. :) Very descriptive, detailed and overall well written. Be careful about run on sentences. Try to balance it out between long sentences and short ones. Not every line has to be detailed. In order to keep it realistic and more reader friendly try not to spend so much time on setting. In the same vein, avoid making your story into a procedural, where you describe every move people make, every breath they take in minute excruciating detail. I know it's hard, because I have a tendency to do the same thing. It's all about balance. You have an amazing story on your hands, and a real gift. You just have to polish it. Hope this was helpful. Good Luck! If you have any more questions, please message me and I'll be happy to let you know. :)
| Elennar chapter 3 . 6/1/2011
I believe I found a typo/missing word in the line, "Nora muttered something else under her breath, but took his and..."
Pretty sure that it should be, "Nora muttered something else under her breath, but took his HAND and..."
Overall, I liked the imagery and the descriptions that you used here because it was very clear and easy to picture. That's definitely a good thing for any piece of fiction.
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 2 . 6/1/2011
Easy Fix for the Review Game!
This chapter is even better than the first. I liked how it moved faster in this one, and the dialogue is more natural, without the "he said", "she stated", kind of thing here, probably because it is clearer who is talking in a dialogue of two. I also liked Tristan's character development more in this chapter, without as many mentions of him being blind. Great job on that. The sentence structures are also more varied in this chapter compared to the first, which gives the story better flow. Congratulations on the improvement!
As for suggestions, I suppose a little more focus on Nora's job would be interesting to read about. Why did she decide to start a studio? Why was she in a financial crisis? Of course, that's just personal preference, but I do prefer stories with more things going on in the background than just the romance.
Thanks for the good read. Good luck and keep writing!
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
Before reviewing the second chapter for the review game, I decided to read the first to get a better idea of what this is about.
Although it was a slow start, I found the first chapter to be quite well-written and not overly stuffed with details. It wasn't difficult to read, and the characters were fleshed out well. I especially liked the way you outlined Nora's character; she seemed very real, and despite the lack of action or rapid advances in the plot, I feel that I can grasp her general personality from your descriptions. Overall, Tristan's character was fleshed out quite well too. I love how you bring out his adventurous side through subtle details, like how he doesn't order a specific drink. But then, I think it might be better if you take out some of the references to his blindness. It seemed to me that you were afraid we would forget he was blind, when in fact you have mentioned it many times throughout the chapter already.
I'm looking forward to more plot development in the next chapter. This first installment has done well to set the scene and characters, but I have yet to discover where this story is headed. Good luck and keep writing!
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 3 . 6/1/2011
Wow, this is really good. It's the third chapter already and I'm liking Nora more and more. It's funny how Tristan still gets the girls even though he's got a disability. He's so cool like that! I wonder if girls like him because he's good looking or because he's just so confident and awesome like that?
I'm so used to the whole Nick & Nora cliche, thank god you avert it! I don't go clubbing (hardly ever), but it sounds like fun and totally awesome, but if you want to meet a quality guy, I strongly doubt you're going to find one there. What Tristan wants is nice and everything, but drunk Nora says it all.
And drunk people never lie.
That last bit of the chapter is what really brought it for me, since we now know that Nora is a lonely person and she wants true happiness with someone who will lover her back...Tristan is a perfect foil for her in those regards, even though he's astoundingly loyal to her, he has no problem with hooking up with girls, though I don't quite see him as the player type. Aria seemed very nice, too, but I don't think she'll last long, to be completely honest.
Update soon! Or when you can!
-BM via RH
| DianaLapin chapter 2 . 6/1/2011
I like Nora already. She seems very realistic, with real problems and flaws. I can tell she's somewhat proud and she feels like a supporting character in Tristan's schemes. I like that you gave her a great supporting character to move the plot ahead. After all it takes some pushing to move out of your comfort zone. I also like that she betrays some longing for her situation to get better which also helps move the story along. Tristan and Nora are great characters. Good job.
| WinnieP chapter 3 . 5/31/2011
From the RG - you didn't specify what chapter so I'm going to do a general overview type review:
Firstly I'm really enjoying the character of Nora since I have my own little interest in photography. Opening the story with the school photos was classic and it really helped show the slightly unreliable nature of that line of work.
Tristan and Nora's relationship is good - the way she has everything set up for him is sweet, and their banter is nice - her attempts to get her out remind me of myself and my friend.
The description of the club was nice too - you've really captured the essence of that scene with such good lines like: 'He had to be in the middle of the dance floor, among the mob of smelly people who were sticky with sweat. The smells of body odor and alcohol as well as perfume and cologne all mixed together ...' - so true!
You've also set up some interesting hooks such as: Liam ... will he play bigger role or will Tristan, the childhood friend, win out ...
Good luck with the rest of this!
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 3 . 5/31/2011
Hooray! Chapter three! As usual, I'm going to review as I read, so sorry if this turns into a jumbled mess. -
Oh boy, night club time. Here we go. D
[Nora muttered something else under her breath, but took his and walked him to where the line ended.]
Found a little typo here. I think you're missing 'hand' between 'his and 'and'.
["You'd think that with how often you come down here, you'd know the bouncer or something and be able to get us in faster," Nora mumbled.
"The line can't be that bad."
"Maybe not," she said, "but it's ridiculously cold out here."
"How many people are there in front of us?" Tristan asked.
"Four, maybe five," she told him.
"Alright then we're almost there. It's going to be really hot in there so enjoy the cold while it lasts," he told her.]
In this section here, you may want to omit some of the actions at the end of the dialogue. Considering it's just Nora and Tristan talking, you only need to attribute once every four or five lines or so. Unless, of course, another person comes into the conversation. But since no one else does, perhaps take out a few of the 'he said' or 'she said'. Breaking up dialogue as little as possible will help retain the immersion for the reader.
Just a suggestion, of course. -
Ahaha. Tristan is hilarious as always. Why did I have a feeling he'd be right at home in the night club? Hopefully he doesn't start dancing with someone accidentally - that could make for a pretty awkward situation, hehe.
I like how you concentrate on the various smells of the nightclub. All the body odor and perfumes would leave me repulsed, and I can definitely get that same kind of feeling from Nora. I can sympathize well with her. X
Poor Nora. She's gonna have one hell of a headache in the morning! At least she's lucky to have Tristan there looking out for her. Or... NOT looking out for her, considering he's blind and all...
You get what I mean.
Good chapter. -
| Dahmun chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
I liked it a lot. It was a nice first chapter. A good introduction to your story. Nora is relateable and really easy-going. Tristan is already my favorite of the story. He's funny and outgoing, a super ladies man even if he's blind.
I'm SUPER PUMPED to keep reading on!
| slashedkaze chapter 3 . 5/29/2011
[Nora muttered something else under her breath, but took his and walked him to where the line ended] hand?
[Eventually she got enough into the rhythm that forgot about the people around her]
[She hated the atmosphere and most of all the questionable guys that hit on you. - I can so agree with that. Right from the start I thought it was a ridiculous idea to "find her a guy" in a club. I'm glad you didn't go down that road.]
The head jumping threw me off for a moment.
How was Nora planning on getting home? She doesn't seem the type to drink when she knows she has to drive. I wonder if Tristan and Aria are going to have a thing. Your giving her a POV makes her appear important.
[He followed the walls to the Nora's room ] Lose the second the.
And I guess the two of us are never going to agree on pacing. Though I didn't find this chapter as slow as the first two. I liked their talk towards the end. Very sweet. I can sympathize with Nora.
| ShortcakeMattie chapter 3 . 5/28/2011
"Try not to throw up before we get there Nor?"
Edit: "Try not to throw up before we get there, Nor?"
"I don't think it's that it's that easy Nora."
Edit: "I don't think it's that easy, Nora."
Poor Nora. Way to get sloshed. Tristan always steals every scene he's in. The ending was cute, but I'm bummed. I want Tristan and Nora to get together. This story's just getting started, so I'm sure you have something in store for them. :)
| Kristin Li chapter 2 . 5/27/2011
Having a sister in there mid-twenties, your depiction of Nora's life seems very realistic. After reading your little blurb at the end of this chapter, I'm not surprised when you said Tristan was the character you liked better. He's a lot better developed than Nora, who seems practical, introverted, and realistic, but honestly strikes me as a little bit dull. Even so, the writing flows pretty well and is easy to read. Best of Luck
| Deedee Elle chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
I liked it, the characters are interesting and the friendship is believeable. Which brings me onto a small criticism. I think it has maybe a bit too much exposition dialogue in the first chapter. I know you want to get over the information about Tristan's blindness but it sounds a bit unnatural having a couple of people who are friends discussing it in lines such as 'My blindness requires me to depend on my other four senses more'. Having said that, you write him very convincingly and obviously have an awareness of the challenges facing someone blind.