Reviews for Meet Me at the Altar
Ersa Crayold chapter 6 . 12/5/2011
"It's going alright I guess. It's just that been a while already," to "It's going alright I guess. It's just that [it's] been a while already," - reason is obvious

So, I kind of like this story. It has a very cute atmosphere giving off to it's readers, a very sort of typical female life under pressure from her parents. Almost like a sitcom, if that makes sense, in the form of a story.
Ersa Crayold chapter 5 . 12/5/2011
"She'd captured that distant, maybe even forlorn look perfectly." to "She'd captured that distant, maybe even forlorn, look perfectly." because of break after forlorn.

Try saying sentences out loud to help with comma placing, whenever you stop to take a breath is typically where a comma needs to be.

So overall nice chapter, I liked semi-ominous ending at the end.
Ersa Crayold chapter 4 . 12/5/2011
"This couple definitely doesn't seem like its one that's going to last," While there isn't anything inherently wrong with this sentence I still had to reread it a few times to understand the meaning. Maybe without the "it's" would be better?

"This couple definitely doesn't seem like one that's going to last,

There's a break after honesty so a comma needs to come after in: "In all honesty Nora really wasn't sure"
Ersa Crayold chapter 3 . 12/5/2011
"He followed the walls to the Nora's room" to "He followed the walls to Nora's room" -simple typo.

"I don't think it's that it's that easy Nora." to "I don't think it's that easy Nora."

So this was a pretty nice chapter besides those small chinks. I found the chemistry between Nora and Tristan kind of cute at the end.
Ersa Crayold chapter 2 . 12/5/2011
"And you've only gone out once," Nora made clear that she didn't approve.

change to: "And you've only gone out once," Nora made [it] clear that she didn't approve.

Reason's pretty obvious.

Also "-So finish off your lasagna woman." should be "So finish off your lasagna, woman." because without the comma it's like your addressing the lasagna and woman as one item.
N-butterfly chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
I don't see where this is headed (which is not a bad thing), but I like it. Tristan is definitely a new type of character that I'm reading, and that makes things interesting. Nice work :)
Lady of romance world88 chapter 7 . 10/30/2011
Hi there. Its amazing chapter and I love it. Ah cakes! Sound yum! I feel sorry for Liam and Brooke who are struggle to get through the plan for the wedding. Poor thing. :( Does Liam and Brooke have siblings? Because two hands are easy than one. Hope that Liam won't break the engage up and the wedding. *worried* Please update soon and take your time. Can't wait to read more of this story. No rush. :) PS Can you read my story thats call, 'My Princess and My Bride' or 'The Journey of Love, Secrets and Guilt' or both whenever you have time please? Thanks. And I will read the other stories of your when I have time :)
Lady of romance world88 chapter 6 . 10/30/2011
Hi there. Its amazing chapter and I love it. I agree with Nora because marriage is big step in life. And if I am in Nora's shoes then I will get marry aroumd 29 or 30 to right guy because many people always end up get marry to wrong guy as least Nora's smart girl. I just wish Jillian and Nora's mum should see that Nora's happy with her life. Aww Nora's dad support her. Yay! :)
Lady of romance world88 chapter 5 . 10/30/2011
Hi there. Its amazing chapter and I love it. I am wonder What kind of jobs does Ms Saunders and Mr Simmons work at? Aww Ms Saunders and Mr Simmmons are the sweetheart. How cute :)
IfWeWereInLove chapter 7 . 10/27/2011
First off, I think you're doing a good job of describing your characters' personalities. I haven't read any of the previous chapters but I think I was able to form a general albeit slightly vague idea about them.

I also extremely enjoyed the way you described the cake tasting in this chapter. It's was entertaining and descriptive. And now I'm kinda hungry :PP

Some of your phrases here and there don't make a lot of sense.

"Throwing himself into work would be a good distraction, and he'd probably give Josh a call sometime around noon, he decided."

Mmm, the bed was warm.

I think the main problem is the way you're putting in your character's thoughts with the third person view you have. What many writers do, is put their characters thoughts in italics when they write in third person. It's not very professional but it does a clean job of it and makes it easier for the reader and writer.

The second example should be The bed was warm. Or The bed was warm Liam thought. That is, if you plan to write it in continuous third person view.

Overall I think it's nice. Work out the small kinks and you've got something in your hands (:

Keep writing!
mikey magee chapter 6 . 10/26/2011
"Jillian nodded; Drew barely looked up, too focused on getting Seth to swallow a spoonful of potatoes. Nora felt that pang of envy that she often felt around her older sister. So many of the things Nora wanted, Jill had."

I want to commend you on the way you've been slowly building up Nora's relationship, and how she's examining her own feelings about her situation (i.e. her envy about her sister's relationship and her lack of one.)

"I'll give you him your number later today" Delete "you".

"It's just its not like I don't want to fall" change "its" to "It's". Furthermore, if you want to showcase stammering you can make use of the (-)or the elipsis (...)

Ex: "It's just...it(')s not like I don't want to fall

Aside from the pressure from her mother to find a husband, there really wasn't much going on in this chapter. It didn't really start to pick up until well into the second part of the chapter. I think you can just cut to the dinner section, and give all of the characters' backstory (i.e. how her brother in law sees her as a sister) through narrative, rather than writing out a whole scene.

The ending was a perfect opportunity to get inside of Nora's head a gain. Instead of just writing "she drove home", you can go deeper. You can slwoly bring up doubts she has about her business and if she made the right move or not. A character in doubt at the end of a chapter is a great hook.
mikey magee chapter 5 . 10/26/2011
Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful characterization of Nora in this chapter. I loved how you took the opportunity to not only show her professional life, but also get deep into her head. I.e. in this chapter we've learned that she wants to be independent, she's kind of a perfectionist, she dislkes others who believe they can do something without professional training, she's competitve, etc. Very nice job there.

" but the light illuminated his face in a way that made it look like his olive skin was glowing from inside" This is a nice line, and it conveys a nice image, but the wording was a little off for me. You can delete some words so it would read clearer and smoother. Maybe revise to "The light made it look like he was glowing from the inside."

"but she quickly put herself in check. She shifted her arms slightly so she had a better grip on her camera." Nice use of movement/action here. You conveyed her uneasiness and rigid nature well with those descriptions.

I have to say I like the ending. The use of foreshadowing was a nice way to keep the reader interested and give more insight on Mr. Simmons. Though, for me at least, the wording was a little off. It's good that you're showing Mr. Simon's sadness, but it would give the scene more power if you left the reader with one strong image to convey his "sadness" or his "tiredness" etc...

Ex: Mr Simmons' eyes shifte as he turned and walked away. And, Nora noticed, he walked as if he had the entire world bearing down on him."

Or something likethat. I'm pretty sure you can do a lot better at it than me :)
mikey magee chapter 4 . 10/26/2011
"take much to get your hammered" change "your" to "you"

"bought his first phone a few years ago, but now he sometimes regretted it." I think this is a good way to add depth to Tristan. I like him, but just like the main characters, the supporting characters need to have some flaws as well. I like that you're subtly going into his regrets (wether they be from his conditon, or something else). It gives the reader something to relate to. We've all got regrets.

The plot is interesting, but I'm not seeing too much forward movement. What is the overall conflict? Does Nora still think too much about work? What about Tristan? What are his flaws? There is a lot of opportunity for subtext in this chapter like when Nora was talking aobut her photography. It could have given us insight on HOW she views weddings, and how she feels about relationships in general.
mikey magee chapter 3 . 10/26/2011
"She {unwillingly} let herself be dragged onto the" Again watch out for the adverbs in the sentences. They can be redundant.

What I really want to commend you on is the dialog. You manage to convey so much for each character with one quip. What I think will make the narrative flow a little faster is if you manage to add a few more underlying actions to compliment (or work against) the dialog.

Ex: When Nick is flirting with Nora, you can add a lot more about his character if you add how he was moving. Was he carefully moving towards Nora on the dance floor, trying to feel her up (there by making his character a little too flirty) or was he kind of dancing at a distance, eyeing other women as they passed by, etc...

Another example: " "Sorry Nick," she said, looking slightly irritated," This is what I meant by the above. This is good. You managed to show subtext here (I would get rid of the word "slightly" though).

"All the guys here are assholes," she mumbled to herself counting the empty bottles on the table on her fingers." Nice job with the drunkness, it was funn. I think it would help the scene if you added some slurring to her dalog or conveyed her drunkness through her actions (i.e. slumping over a table.)

Ending to the chapter was nice, but I think it needs more of a hook or a change to keep the reader going. What about this chapter (and the events in it) changed the dynamic, or moved the plot forward? What makes the reader want to continue. Maybe try to end this chapter off on a strong image, like maybe this is the moment Tristan (or Nora for the matter) realizes their feelings.
mikey magee chapter 2 . 10/25/2011
" but it made it easier for Tristan, who was over at her place almost as often as he was at his." change "he" to "she"

Now that you've set up how close Tristan and Nora are, I think it would be good if you started showing signs of their relationship beginning to strain, or about how Nora's job seems to be a big deal to her (i.e. how she became stressed out about the bills, or how she seems to focus more on her work life than her social life). While Tristan is busy giving her advice about her love life, she can be busy thinking about her work which would then give the reader a little more insight to that part of her character.

I love Tristan. He seems like a nice kind guy and I look forward to learning more about him. Again, try to look out for adverbs (i.e. she asked hopefully"), they can seem somewhat redundant.

Nice chapter just the same. It read quickly, which is a very good sign :)
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