|Reviews for Meet Me at the Altar|
| Lady of romance world88 chapter 2 . 10/23/2011
Hi. I love it and its amazing chapter. Aww Tristian is great friend of Nora. I am wonder what happen to Nora's family? Hope that Nora will find her soul mate in this story soon. And I am off to read the next chapter now. :D
| Lady of romance world88 chapter 1 . 10/23/2011
Hi there. I really love this chapter and its amazing chapter. And I am wonder if Tristian is born blind or does he caught the disease that turn him into blind? And I am wonder if he ever use guide dog or cane show that he's vision impairment? And I am wonder if Tristian does have job? I am off to read the next chapter now :)
| noriepie chapter 7 . 10/23/2011
like singer said in the previous chapter, I wish the chapter's longer. But, I really like reading from his POV. Right now, it's obvious that Nora hasn't even entered the picture of his life and I wonder how that will go. I almost feel bad for Brooke...maybe a little bit story on her? For all we know right now Brooke is just another bridezilla, but there's nothing wrong or bad character from her.
| singer22498 chapter 7 . 10/23/2011
This was another good chapter! I liked how you did it from Liam's point of view, because it gave me a better understanding of his and Brooke's relationship. I wish this was a longer chapter though, because there isn't that much going on.
Other than that,
PLEASE WRITE MORE!
| witeaya chapter 1 . 10/14/2011
so far i only read the first chapter.
it was well , a bit slow but that's acceptable cause introductions tend to be that way.
like it and will read and review more later.
pls do update soon.
| Miryo chapter 2 . 10/13/2011
Here again, for the second chapter. I wanted to get to it sooner, but I've just been so busy lately.
Until the point where Tristan shows up, I feel like you repeat Nora's name much too often. Since she's the only one there, it'd be safe to replace a few of those with "she".
Also, this might be more of a regional thing, but I found the end of this sentence a little awkward:
She knew that wouldn't be enough to cover all of the bills, but if she only paid the minimum balance on her credit cards, she might be able to almost make it by.
I'd changed "make it by" to "make it" or "get by", but that's just me.
I also feel like Nora's thoughts to herself, like -
My school photos check should be coming in soon, and so will the advance from the Simmons Saunders wedding.
- should be in italics in order to differentiate them from the rest of the narrative.
A lot of the things I wanted to mention about dialogue have already been pointed out by another reviewer - lookingwest - so I'll just trust that s/he picked up on all the same ones I did and not be redundant by mentioning them again.
And I spotted a minor error here:
Its - It's
There are two little mistakes with this sentence here:
"Well the ladies like it better when you show up early," Tristan explained to her, "And she came over and was told me to wait for a few minutes and she'd be out.
First, the "And" needs to be lowercase, and secondly, I think you need to axe the "was" from "and was told me" bit.
Great chapter overall. I love that we got to see more of Nora and Tristan's interaction and friendship, and a little history about their respective dating lives, which also helps to develop the characters.
| Simsted chapter 2 . 9/28/2011
Another great chapter. I really like how relatable Nora is and how cool Tristan is. He's definitely my favourite character. :) Keep up the great work :)
| AzureBell chapter 6 . 9/26/2011
The family dinner thing was a little confusing at first. I would have understood if her family just surprised her by coming over to her house uninvited, but this just seemed a little random compared to the previous events of the story. I would have liked a little foreshadowing. Maybe she looks at her calendar and sees that Thanksgiving is coming up or her mother calls her or something.
I like the introduction of the new characters, but I think that you could flesh out some of them a little bit more. Her mother especially could be made to have a little bit more personality because right now she just seems like a nagger.
In this sentence, ["We're fine, her mom reassured her as she pulled the pot roast out of the oven,] you forgot to put a quotation mark after the word [fine].
The use of "little midget" is a little redundant since the words mean almost the same thing. It's like saying "hey, you tall tall person." So, I would just pick one of the two.
In this sentence,"Jillian nodded; Drew barely looked up, too focused on getting Seth to swallow a spoonful potatoes." , it should be [a spoonful of potatoes]. It just makes it sound less awkward if you include the [of].
This line, ["Give him a call ok?" Her mother told her, "He's a nice boy."], also confused me because up until this point, Nora had been talking to Jillian but then her mother comes in? Or did you mean to put Jillian but put mother by accident?
I thought that the details and setting were clear to the reader. You gave just enough description for them.
| Lara Bykirk chapter 6 . 9/26/2011
I'm really glad this chapter was here-a whole new view on Nora's character opened up when we saw her with her family. I really like the context that this dinner gave. Nora's relationship with her mother, in particular, explains a lot about why she's so reluctant to look for a boyfriend. I've certainly had friends who, while otherwise happy to date, have just stopped looking for a time because their mothers nag them too much about it.
The only thing that made me unhappy about this chapter was that it wasn't longer. I would have liked to see a little more about how the dynamics of the family play out-especially the dynamic between Nora and Jillian. Are they close? Is Nora secretly envious of Jillian's family? Is Jillian perfectly happy being a wife and mother, or does she sometimes wish she were as free as Nora? A little of this came out in the paragraph about Jillian and her mother cooking together, but more interaction would have been great.
| AzureBell chapter 3 . 9/25/2011
Plot/Story: I am confused about what Nora is wearing. So, she has a sweater dress on. I don't really know what that is, but I am assuming it is wool and probably warm. But then, it is thin. Besides that, I thought that the chapter was pretty funny. (Drunk people are always funny though.)
I noticed a few sentences like "We can pick it up tomorrow Nor." The use of someone's name, in this case "Nor", is known as a direct address. A direct address is set of from the rest of the sentence usually by a comma. So you just need to put a comma before "Nor".
Characterization: I think that Nora was rounded-out more in this chapter as far as her personality. The reader finds out that even though she tries to keep it all together, deep down she is a little insecure about her life.
| AzureBell chapter 2 . 9/25/2011
Characters: I really like Tristan. He is always so funny and his personality is kinda arrogant but he isn't too over-the-top.
I saw a few run-on sentences like "Nora glanced at her computer yearningly, she really wanted to just be able to get this done and out of the way now, but she knew she had to go to the kitchen and make some food." It would be better if you placed a period after the word "yearningly" and start a new sentence after that.
Plot: I liked the chapter, but it seemed a little slow and only had a little bit of conflict in it.
Details: In this chapter, your choice of details helped me to picture the scene unfolding and I never felt like I didn't know where the characters were, so I think that you did a good job with that.
| Niru chapter 6 . 9/25/2011
So, since many people have already done a grammar/ etc check, i shall comment on the characters :D
Nora is well done, I think. I good mix of confidence and insecurity, very human. perceptive yet confused.. or something xD
Tristan is almost a little TOO confident.. does he have any weaknesses? But a very caring friend, so i like him.
Nora's parents seem pretty realistic too. I like how her mom loves her, but is still disapproving.. just a missed connection. And it's good that she gets support from her dad.
Liam is confusing (as i think he's supposed to be) But his wavering interests are also a teeny bit obvious, so maybe make him more confusing?
So, like i said before, the story reads kinda like a screenplay, which i like :D But if you want it to read more like a novel, maybe try to emulate a novel you like. More description of whats happening, more time jumps, more implications (you know, show, don't tell) less dialogue, maybe? though the dialogue is pretty good.
and I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT :D good job on chapters/ plot! 3
| Lara Bykirk chapter 5 . 9/24/2011
I liked this chapter. It was short, but it gave me a better understanding of the mysterious Mr Simmons, which is what I've been wanting for a while. I'm really intrigued by him. And you answered one of my questions in a previous review-if the two have been dating for eight years, it isn't so surprising that now they're such different people. Ms Saunders has (so far) been so mean that I'd still like to know more of what he sees in her, but you made a really good start.
The only suggestions I have for you this chapter is to go over your dialogue again. I actually think that it's good dialogue; it's woven well through the actions in the church, so it doesn't feel like we're watching talking heads. However, I think you could bring it even a step up by focussing more on what isn't being said in this conversation. What's the subtext here? What is Nora not saying, even though she's thinking it, and why is Mr Simmons really at that church having that conversation? You don't have to give us their actual thoughts; their dialogue is enough, with small tweaks to let what isn't being said show through.
I hope that's clear. I have to say that I'm preaching what I can't practice myself-dialogue is HARD! But I hope that's at least given you something to mull over. I'm really enjoying your story so far.
| cosmopolitan chapter 1 . 9/23/2011
love this! thank you so much for writing and sharing, I look forward to reading more from you.
thank you so much!
| AzureBell chapter 1 . 9/23/2011
I like the introduction of the character Tristan and how you built up to the fact that he was blind.
These lines at the beginning felt a little redundant to me "her honey colored eyes twinkling with delight. Her eyes followed his careful footsteps." Maybe you could revise it or combine the two sentences in a way that you only use the word eye once.
Some parts of this chapter were a little dialogue-heavy, which is fine but I think that it could be trimmed a little.
The scene-switching was also a little confusing for me. First, they would get in the car. Then, say a couple and be at there destination. So, maybe you could put a "five minutes later..." or something in the narration to show that time has progressed. I do like the dialogue of the characters because I think that it captures their moods and feelings well.
As far as the author's note, i think that the chapter length is fine because it is engaging. If you are still thinking of splitting it, I would split it right after she drops Tristan off but before you start talking about the black pumps.