- Stephen's working overtime to up his antagonist points. Your combination of his whole forcing her into role she doesn't want, Damsel in Distress role, etc. blend pretty well. This entire scene really helped to draw things out all the more here, though I will admit some of this chapter didn't seem to bring out too much new to the forefront. At least until the end, which beginning to explain the story. Going to go on right now as that part did hook me in, I want to see just what his past will reveal for us!

- I do wish saw more of Aline trying to get out of situation or at least, thinking way out, finding some solution, etc. She just seems to have accepted this role and is angrily going along with it than anything else. Just seems like she's given up.

- My only issue at this part is just that this feels like stories I've seen before of this sort. Starting to blend to become one of many instead of standing out to me, which is a shame because you've got writing skill. Aside from that though, your actual way of going about the story is as quality as ever. Description strong, setting blended well, etc. One of reasons I'm not even focusing on commenting on that anymore, you already know that.

more more more more MORRRRRREEEEEEEE please! Love it. You have created SUCH a bastard,Stephen makes me so angry! Keep going, pleeeeease xxx

I like the little touch of humour you put at the beginning of this. It's lovely when a writer can play about with the tone a bit. It makes the narrative more colourful, if that makes sense- a rainbow is generally nicer to look at than a paving stone.

I think you did a nice job of the description again, and I like the fact that this has quite a lot of plot. I'm not much of a fluff person. I also liiked the mention of the prickles at the back of Hugh's neck as I thought it was a lovely way to show his attraction to her.

You manage to switch between their thoughts seamlessly, which is brilliant. It's nice to see the perspectives of both Hugh and Aline because it allows the reader to pick a favourite and keep the narrative crisp.

Katie.

Hah, Kate's reaction to the book Aline got was very cute; made me think of an innocent young woman so infatuated with the very idea of love. I really enjoyed that image of them sitting by the fire and reading it, too. I can just picture Kate's excitement in her eyes, and Aline holding the book to her chest sighing all wistfully... well, maybe not that last part, but I can tell she wants to!

Enjoyed the comparison between Aline and the doe they were hunting. I hope this doesn't foreshadow her death... though I do like how it reflects the events so far, what with Stephen being the one who inevitably kills it (takes her hostage, in Aline's case). And talking about Stephen, I'm reminded again at the end of this chapter how much of a dick he is. Not only with his taunt to Hugh, but how he leans forward and grins at Aline, telling her to 'ask him nicely' for the information regarding her fate. From his wicked grin and how close he gets to her (to the point where she can smell his breath), I'm guessing he was hoping for a kiss before the other riders approached.

Ah, poor Aline. I really dread to think what plans Stephen has for her when she wakes up... I have a feeling he isn't going to wait much longer before he tries to force himself upon her.

But, on a lighter note, I do like the romance building between Kate and Jack - I think it provides a nice contrast for Aline to see and envy when considering her social status and current situation. It's funny how, around this time, women with a lot of money seemed to be the most miserable because of how they were forced to marry men they didn't love... whereas women like Kate were more freely able to follow their hearts. Makes you wonder who truly is the rich one, in a sense of happiness, anyway.

It was interesting to see Hugh more honest with himself about his feelings for Aline. I would have liked, however, for a little more detail about what he thinks those feelings are at this point. Does he still think that this is an infatuation, that (if he had met Aline under better circumstances) they could have had a very enjoyable fling and then parted ways? Or does he suspect that he wants more than just a fling? Personally, I think the more you can separate what he thinks he wants and what your readers know he wants, the better-it's always fun to see characters who haven't yet realized the true extent of their desires.

Similarly, I'd like to see a little more about Aline's feelings about the political side of the mess she's in. She thinks quite a lot about how personally disagreeable marrying Stephen will be-but what about how disastrous for the whole kingdom it will be if he becomes High Lord? She seems like a smart character, so certainly she's realized what the implications are. If there's some reason that she isn't thinking about politics, even though she's High Lady elect, I'd like to see what it is-otherwise, I'd like to see her think more about the good of the country. She thinks, in passing, about "what she owes to her grandfather and Leavingham"-but what, exactly, does she think that is? What are her duties to others?

As a side-note, I really liked your mention of her dead father and brother. It was a great suspenseful hook-I hope you keep on teasing us with hints about what happened to them!

Hello from the RG!

This chapter is well described to give this a clear visual picture of what is happening, as well as the subtext behind it. For example, tearing the skirt to tie her hair really showed you how a high-class woman had been reduced to a level beneath her social standing because of her captivity.

The relationship between Aline and the captain is developing further, with plenty of juicy sexual tension developing through argument. For example ...

'"Isn't it enough that you have kidnapped me without expecting me to cook for you?" she said haughtily, setting the bag down next to her.

The captain sauntered over and gave her a condescending smile.'

And then again it takes another turn with the incident with the horseriding and the dress.

Just a few picky points -

'The older guard, so he was called Duncan, brought her over a hunk of bread and a mug of warm honeyed ale.' - I would put 'so he was called Duncan' in brackets, or separated in some other way, as this represents a break in the sentence from the narrator's voice to the voice of Aline.

'Tired as she was Aline was almost glad to be confined to the cart.' - I would put a comma after was

'Once she felt more rested she sat towards the back of the cart staring out through the curtains.' - I would put a comma after cart

Oh, damn! still no kiss!

Y'know, I could really see a great torture scene with Stephen the recipient. He truly is a totally awful character! Good job of making him so heartless and easy to hate!

Sorry, but I did laugh at the fact the doctor's head ended up on a spike! Not that the scene was funny, but the fact that Stephen didn't like the man, so "Off with his head!" Very Red-Queenish!

One style suggestion: at the part where Aline and Hugh are together, where it starts "She stood abruptly, and turned away from him..." In that 3 line paragraph there are 21 pronouns. I think you could probably take some out without ruining the meaning or tone. For example: "Standing abruptly Aline turned away from Hugh so he would not see the emotions she could not hide, aware this man could see into the very depth of her being. Hugh jumped to his feet and followed, taking Aline by the shoulders and pulling her round to face his hands either side of her head, his fingers entwined in her hair, thumbs caressing her cheeks..." There are other ways that would also take out some pronouns. Just a suggestion; it reads fine your way; it's simply a personal preference.

Hugh's punishment is just plain awful! Though I am glad he head-butted ole Stephen. Give him a great look for his wedding day, lol!

Once again your descriptions set the scene beautifully. I can picture what happens quite vividly.

I know it's getting close, so I'm eager to read more. Very well done!

I find it interesting that Stephen's behavior isn't really his fault, but Hugh's. It makes me wonder if I can really blame him for the way he acts, especially if his brain was injured in that fall from the horse. That information creates a great conflict in the way the reader views Stephen's character, on whether or not we should hate him or instead pity him. I'm kind of leaning more towards the latter, because I know how much the mind can effect how a person acts. It's like condemning a mentally unstable person.

I see now why Hugh is so intent on staying by Stephen's side. Aline is right though, that he shouldn't force himself to help his cousin regardless if his condition is Hugh's fault. While I do feel bad for Stephen, there's still a line a man crosses (no matter their mental condition) when they kidnap a woman and force her to marry him. And Hugh is right to fear the surrounding provinces - it's never a good thing to keep someone unstable in a seat of power. Hugh is indeed a very intelligent man, I just hope he'll be able to get over this responsibility he feels over Stephen.

I thought it was a cute touch how Aline got jealous when Hugh mentioned trying to impress the ladies. Perhaps love isn't as much of a fairy tale as she might think.

Ah, Jack is back! It's good to see him, he was one of my favorite characters from the beginning chapters - I really enjoyed his boy-like innocence. And that book is adorable - just another thing that shows Hugh isn't all he appears to be.

I always love seeing Aline and Hugh interact with each other, so I'm looking forward to some more chapters that'll delve further into their relationship. Good job, I'm really liking this story so far - the medieval setting is a nice breakaway from the typical romance.

I like the way you are using the motion of the cart to parallel the movement of the story: 'Aline had tried to gauge the time passing by listening to the turning of the wheels ...' and mark the passage of time in other ways.

You do a good job of keeping your cards close to your chest in terms of not revealing too early who she can trust. the intrigues are growing ever complex as the story develops, great work!

Spelling/grammar/punctuation:

'her throat ached from dryness!'- being fussy here, but I would describe the pain that comes from an extremely dry throat to be more sharp than an ache.

'making camp' - I haven't heard this as an expression before, I would normally expect something like 'setting up camp', but I'm not sure on this one.

'The captain paused while he let the information sink in then, watching her intently gathered up the chain and slipped it into a pouch at his waist.'- I could only get the sentence to make sense if there was a comma after 'intently'

'struck home'- I thought the expression was either 'hit home' or 'struck a chord', presumably if it is a baseball metaphor you couldn't strike home.

'"You should get some sleep, My Lady, we'll be on the road early.' - 'my' shouldn't be in capitals as it is not part of a title, Lady can be in capitals, presuming you mean Lady as in the title, rather than lady as in a woman

I liked the opening line here, and the way Hugh tries to drown his sorrows in someone else. It works really well; almost like he's doing what should be expected of him, rather than what he wants to do. [Feeling restless he tried to deal with the issues concerning his lands that had arisen in his absence though he found himself neither knowing nor caring which tenant should be given priority over grazing rights.] Again, this sentence is a bit long; maybe (Feeling restless, he tried to deal with the issues concerning his hands that had arisen in his absence. He found himself neither knowing nor caring which tenant should...) [He rummaged in the money pouch at his belt to discover whether he could afford another jug and his fingers closed around something] I think you could drop the 'and' here and replace it with a full-stop. [opportunity to pass it back then he slipped it back into his pouch.] Again, drop the 'then', maybe replace it with a full-stop or comma, the sentence isn't too long but the 'then' just kind of stops the flow. Like I said before, there were a few more but you could look over.

[He rummaged in the money pouch at his belt to discover whether he could afford another jug] – word choice: I feel like "discover" suggests something definite, so discovering whether or not he could do something sounds a little awkward.

[then further back to when he fough her into submission on the forest floor. He allowed himself to daydream that she had not been fighting to escape, that she had not wanted or needed to but was returning his desire with her own.] is "fough" supposed to be "forced"? Anyway, that's a pretty steamy daydream Hugh's having there. And I like the parallel of Hugh's daydreaming with Aline's actual dream.

Anyway, I liked the first scene with Hugh at the tavern. I thought his pain and guilt was very well depicted, as is his realization that he is more than infatuated with Aline.

[reveal wolfs teeth] wolf's

[She wondered what he was doing, if his injury was healing and whether he had given her a thought since leaving her there] Hmm, maybe I'm missing something here, but if even though Aline could sense his regret, wouldn't she be a little mad at him since he didn't free her? Her concern for him was sweet, but you ended your previous chapter with Hugh abandoning Aline, I'm a little surprised that Aline is thinking about him in this fashion, right now.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this. Stephen is despicable.

~Merle

I like the fact that Aline makes herself useful by slicing the onions. It shows that she's not just a pretty face. I'm also glad that her captors are treating her well as it shows they have a bit of deapth as opposed to just being brutes.

I like the way you ended on throwing the information about Hugh's background in at the end as it adds a whole new dimension and adds a little more mystery to the plot.

I also like the way you mention little archaic details throughout. It helps the reader to immerse themselves in the setting you've created.

Katie.

I really liked this chapter. The pacing was very even, the descriptions were vivid (I especially liked the second paragraph, about the castle), and I found myself liking Hugh a lot more than I have up to this point. The sentences at the end about "a weaker man might have...a stronger man might have..." were wonderful. I felt so sorry for him, but also just wanted to giggle with delight. So, very good job, all around.

My one point of criticism comes from something that I also liked-you finally gave us more of a glimpse of the political situation, and why Aline was captured. I was very glad to understand more now, but I think that revealing the Duke's plan so late backfired a bit, because it makes Aline seem politically inept not to have realized it sooner. If she's the heir to the throne, and her husband will become the most powerful man in the kingdom, shouldn't she have been aware of the possibilities before this? What sort of a political education has she had, in any case? If she marries, does she expect to rule herself, or will her husband automatically rule? Even if she doesn't understand the Duke's plan exactly before she hears it from his own lips, I think that her character would be made stronger if in previous chapters she thinks about what might happen more.

I'm glad that you haven't made Hugh some awful lech. I read the most awful romance story yesterday about this abusive, horrible man and all the female lead did was go on about how handsome he was despite the fact that he spent most of the book being a complete brute(if the reader is cheering when the hero gets shot, there's something wrong). However, you seem to have made him good-hearted though obviously no gentleman.

I think I'm starting to like Aline as she doesn't seem like a typical stock character, but she is still believable to the setting.

I did notice one mistake with the dialogue, but that's all I can really fault this chapter on.

"He betrayed you and tried to violate[you] but you care why he died?" There was amusement in the man's voice and Aline's temper flared as yet again she felt the man was mocking her."

Katie.

"She. Owns. My. Heart." (Swoons!) How romantic a line, and I could so easily see Hugh and Jack leaning against the wall together after their tussle. Great scene!

Hated the description of the bleeding; not because of your writing (although you were very vivid and heartwrenching) but because it was such a vile practice, and you captured that quite well.

I can feel the tension building toward the climax; you're drawing it out well.

I find Stephen very unhinged. Earlier in the story he seemed nasty and would go to any lengths to get what he wanted, which corresponded with what Hugh wanted; but now he tells Aline he would never force himself on her; I just wonder how true that is. I mean, I'm having a hard time finding any redeeming qualities in him, so that line just doesn't sound like the Stephen in my head. I'd find it more believable if he'd said something like, "Stop the bleeding! I draw the line at making love to a corpse, you idiot!" He's just too much of a snake for me.

The chapter really moved quickly and smoothly, and, once again, I'm eager to read the next chapter! Well done!