So I'm reviewing this from the final chapter straight off, taking into account my lack of knowledge of the rest of your story (I always found you end up with a disproportionate number of reviews for your first chapter, so I'm trying to help you level it x3).

So firstly, from what I've read of Hugh so far, I am liking the Hamlet-ish side to his character. The bits about him wishing he'd killed Stephen straight away when he walked into the room reminded me of the prayer scene between Claudius and Hamlet and just...yeah. It was a pretty nice link to make in my mind. On a literary note, that is, not because murder appeals to me xD

There are some lines in this that I thought were a bit...starchy? Hmm, I'm not sure how to describe it, exactly. But, yeah, a bit stilted, and you have a good grasp of writing, so I think you're more than capable of improving them. Lines like: "And yet a single spark of optimism refused to die" for example. A single spark? To begin with, it's quite an overused image, but if you are going to use it, you could be a little more creative (even poetic, perhaps) with it. For example, you could say something like, 'And yet, a lone spark drifted away from his frustrated inferno, and lit up the dark; flickering, flickering hope.' That was horrific and over-done by me xD sorry! But I just wanted to make the point that you don't have to feel afraid to be bold with your writing and really push the imagery. It can make moments far more poignant.

"Shouts of anxiety and the sound of heavy objects being thrown woke him sometime later. He rolled onto his side and dragged a blanket over his head but the noise refused to be drowned out. Groaning he got up and hammered on the door until it was opened and a face Hugh vaguely recognised appeared in the crack." - these lines I have problems with, and others of their ilk. If you think about it, he's just been imprisoned, he's angry, he's desperate, he's...well, he's many things. But blasé? I don't think so. If I'd just been imprisoned and was woken up in the night to violent sounds, I'd be alert straight away and interested to know what was going on, and I think Hugh kind of missed the boat on that one.

I'm not sure about Hugh being released from the cell, either. I understand it was necessary for plot-furthering, but...I am a little sceptical about it. If the guards trusted him enough to let him out of his cell, surely they would trust him enough not to point crossbows at him in the first place?

I have no idea what's being surgically removed from Aline, but that is some messed-up stuff right there. Well-written, though. I did not see that coming at all. It contrasted (and compared) perfectly with the previous scene in terms of violence being done and received.

Right, have just finished. Hmm. I won't sugar-coat my words: I think this could be improved a fair bit. It's not bad at all, and I think you certainly have a lot of potential, but it has all the trappings of Mills & Boon novel, I feel. It's just a little too formulaic, especially in the way the characters speak (I think there could be a little more magic injected there), but I absolutely think it's readable, and honestly, we could all improve on something. My advice would be to try and focus a little more on developing your characters: I think that could even be done by adding a little more about their emotions, and in a more, dare I say, florid manner. I'm not a fan of angst, by any means, and protracted descriptions of emotions are a bit bleh (which you don't do, don't worry), but perhaps emotions could be expressed with a little more...verve?

I hope I haven't been too aggressive, and this wasn't an unpleasant review D: Keep on going, you're definitely on the right track here ) just a few small things that need trimming. Bon courage!

More more more! And once more, I sincerely hope Aline is the one who kills Steven ...

Ah, so it was the coronet that made Hugh so upset when he saw her in the doorway. After his explanation, and knowing how he feels about her, I can see why this made him upset. I find it cute how a man that appeared so intimidating and daunting in the beginning of this story and so willing to admit to himself that he loves Aline. And then the way he hugs her is very touching, and I think Aline's reaction of surprise is believable. The banquet was pretty cool, I like how you addressed the dancing and how she ended up coupled with Hugh for just a moment. The way he steps up and dances with her then sweeps away kinda makes me think of his role in this story thus far - he comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet, then leaves once he gets her where she need to go. At least now it appears he might be back.

Glad we're going to get some more explanation on why Stephen can be such a violent ass. I'm wondering if he had any wives in his past that happened to mysteriously die... would make her wearing that coronet even more foreboding.

The only suggestion I really have is, and this is just a suggestion that's more filler for the background setting than anything else, if you had some snippets of conversation from a few of the other guests to the banquet. It might help with the immersion a bit more, or even give the reader a hint of what the general populace think about Stephen. Knowing how a people view their ruler can really shape how a reader may look at him. But, like I said, just a suggestion - how it is now still stands well on its own as a well-rounded chapter.

It's nice to see an interaction between Aline and Stephen that doesn't end up with him hitting her or acting like he's going to hit her. I think we get to see a new side to him in this chapter, one that shows us he can be a true gentleman and hold his temper if he really wants to. I'm wondering if these kind gestures are just because he wants to get on Aline's good side and trick her into something. She doesn't seem like the type of woman who would be easily fooled by something like that, so I'm excited to see how the strange relationship between them continues to unfold. I actually was kinda glad to see him act more civil - maybe he's not as bad as I thought he was, because Aline brings up a good point in wondering if she would have accepted a marriage with him were it arranged.

A nice ending here, I didn't expect the banquet at all. I'm wondering if the messenger sent to her grandfather returned and that's why they're having it, hmmm... and there's Hugh watching her, haha. I wonder why he looks so angry; I'm hoping it's anger for Stephen and not Aline. He should know she doesn't have much choice than to follow along with Stephen's plans for the time being.

While reading through here, I noticed that you tend to skip over some commas where there should be a comma before a conjunction. I noticed this happened most commonly in a sentence that's linking two independent clauses together. Always remember that when you're using a conjunction, if the two groups of words on both sides can stand on their own as two separate sentences you should use a comma. If not, the comma is not needed.

Thanks for the read, I'm eager to see how this dinner plays out. :)

Finally! Hugh grew a pair and decked Stephen! I love it! I was waiting for this since day one and I am so happy it finally happened.

I am however mad that he didn't get to finish the job but I feel there is more in store. And I don't want it to end just yet!

You really have me hooked and how did it take me 6 days to realize you updated! LOL

- I laughed at the opening XD Dream sequence that followed was a great idea too there. Again, not something I'm as into, but it's more case I'm a guy type of thing. Don't get me wrong, I DO love romance, but in various ways. Still, with what you been doing here, I know completely it works for those it aims at.

- This chapter really picks up the pace of things once it gets to Aline's point of view. Stephen and Hugh are such an amazing contrast between them. Really, I'm looking forward to Stephen being taken down (I hope he is) by Hugh at this point.

- As I've got into this more and more, I've come to feel that while this story is more of the standard of the medieval romance genre itself, I feel it's pretty strong at it. Honestly, anybody who is into this story type should have no complaints at all.

Hi! "In reality Aline of Leavingham" should be "In reality, Aline of Leavingham." And "In her mind she was dancing" should be "In her mind, she was dancing" - same sort of thing :-)"As usual when under Susanne's brisk hands her mind drifted to what her future might hold now the last days of summer were over" should be "As usual when under Susanne's brisk hands, her mind drifted to what her future might hold now the last days of summer were over." Interesting introduction to the plot. The pace is rather nice - not too quick, but not sluggish. Love that you describe what she looks like and wears (I love that) but maybe consider revealing some of her past in dialogue instead of just narrating it? It's fine the way it is, I think, but I'm not sure if it may be better mentioned by a character. I love the relationship between her and her maid so far. But "at least half the day please" should be "at least half the day, please." I'll stop with the comma comments, now :-) As another twenty-year-old woman, the prospect of that twelve-year-old is extremely creepy xD You say that Aline and Dickon are accomplished and fearless riders, but it would definately be better to show that - maybe gallloping through trees (but not recklessly) or something similar. Show them buying wine, even if briefly, instead of just saying that was their intention. Same with stopping for lunch. Maybe Dickon would suggest they eat, and then pull food out of his saddle bags or something. Have to say, I didn't expect Dickon to drug her. Not sure if that was a term back then, though. And I don't like him, anymore. Nice twist. Probably accurate on the feelings of being drugged. Her mind seems clear, though. Is that intentional? And I suspect maybe this should be rated M. It's on the border. By the way, this is from a Roadhouser :-)

- Great to see them finally arrive and things are really heating up here. Can easily see the Duke becoming the main antagonist of this piece and I think he would make a nice one to work with. So far my reaction being of the "major dick" character reaction. I'm curious to see more of him and how he'll play into things.

- A couple of your sentences run on a bit. Well, more unnaturally longer than needed, could shorten up a bit.

- Really liking way this has picked up in this one. Good to finally see the travelling over. I feel travelling part served it's purpose very well in building things up with our protagonists along the journey while not overstaying it's welcome as well. Nice! :)

I like where the story is going so far, and I commend you on writting such an interesting one thing that I think you should think about is grouping that one phrase together as one word (the one were Hugh realizes Aline hurt herself. I think I understand what you were trying to do but it took me a minute to read what that said. Also were is the next part? I'm anxious to know what will happen, and thats a great thing.

This was a great, action-packed chapter! You write fight scenes really well! It was like reading a published book. I especially liked how dirty Stephen plays, always throwing something up at Hugh to set him off, knowing Hugh loves Aline.

I like the description of how Hugh has to rethink his impulsive entrance. Not the best way to protect Aline, but he covered well-enough.

Stephen is such a sadistic bastard, wanting to make sure Hugh knows he has lost Aline every day of his life; I hope Hugh gets out of this pickle and becomes the rightful heir. But I haven't figured out how yet.

Now I hope Aline isn't killed by the bleeding. Yuck!

Don't make us wait so long; who cares if you have kids, a family, and a job? Let's get the next chapter up quickly! :D

So far I love it. I really enjoy your writing style.

Fantastic story! I check this section everyday to see if it's been updated. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Oh gosh. .no. Hugh was supposed to kill him! But, it would be much better if Aline did :) or if Stevens guards ganged up on him. Ahhh. Can't wait for the next chapter :) please write more soon! It's driving me insane. I just want to jumP into this mess and kill Steven myself!

I'm almost done with my current story arc so I can get back into the full flow of reviewing again. Yours is one of the very most important for me to do so, so enjoy me continuing back on during week. I can't remember how much I do owe you, but doesn't matter since going to read 1 chapter per day for entire week :)

- Hadn't imagined such a big age gap between the two. Curious as to how that could influence things. Also a bit more curious with whole relationship for Hugh and cousin of his. This is mostly because I think some intriguing things will come of that which will hook me in big time. Still, good to see that things are developing here and progress made in story.

- I'll admit I'm not too much into this chapter at some certain points such as her checking him out, washing, etc., but more so because I'm a guy XD Taking an indifferent view to it all though, I think it's pretty wise move to make in hitting for target audience completely.

Aline seems like a pretty name, but only if it's pronounced the way I'm imagining it. Is there any way you could please enlighten me on exactly how it's pronounced?

But anyway. Onto the story.

I like how you started with Aline kind of off in her own world, and how you brought it to reality, and how you came to gradually go into the backstory in a way that wasn't jarring or abrupt. It was nicely done.

I spotted an error here:

She had been only fourteen when her much loved father and brother had succumbed to a violent influenza leaving no male to carry on the line.

much loved - much-loved

And here:

As well as the skills expected of a young noblewoman she had learned diplomacy, law and languages, discovering her intellect was as sharp as any of her fellow pupils; the sons of the councillors and nobles of Leavingham.

The semi-colon should be a colon.

And this is kind of random, but I love the word "filigree", so I was happy to see it used here.

Just a dialogue nitpick here:

"We have had another suit for your hand," he smiled, "from the Count of Mullan on behalf of his son."

You can't smile a word, so it should be something more like this:

"We have had another suit for your hand," he said, smiling, "from the Count of Mullan on behalf of his son."

or

"We have had another suit for your hand." He smiled. "From the Count of Mullan on behalf of his son."

I might've missed it, but exactly how old is Aline? Would you mind telling me?

This was a beautiful first chapter. I really love your writing style - it feels so graceful and your vocabulary matches the "times" (although I get the feeling this isn't actual Medieval, but moreso quasi-Medieval) and all in all, I enjoyed it a lot. I'll definitely be reading more of this once I have the time.