Wonderful. I love the depth to the story thats now developing.

Oh dear :( So sad. . . I hope someone bucks up and offs Stephen already :/ no one REALLY likes him anyway . . . Poor Aline. But, I have feeling that this story will work out in the end. I hope.

I feel really bad reading all your chapters and then not reviewing, so I shall finally speak up and say something :)

One, I really like this story. I actually don't read/write on FP anymore-I was plagiarized seven times and this place is a little sickening to me now. But I come here for certain stories, and yours is one. There's just something about it that - is free of pretension. It's obvious that you're writing because you want to, not for reviews or to pander to anyone, and that is something truly commendable.

Two, I am amazed at your diction and you're able to keep this historical fiction. The words and phrasing you use are clearly from an older time (lookit me, so eloquent) but they usually do not adversely affect the flow of the writing itself. That's not easy to do! I want to do it for one of my stories but then I just fail miserably, so I give up and content myself with semi-antiquated language. It's so lovely, though, that you're able to pull it off.

Three, I like that you go at your own pace and you're realistic. Even though it's making me want to bang my head against the wall right now, I am so glad you're making him walk away. Of course I would love them to jump into each other's arms and begin an illicit love affair, but this is so much more - admirable? Not sure the exact word I'm looking for. Definitely makes your characters more admirable themselves :)

So yes, I'll shut up now. To be honest, I'm not going to be reviewing every chapter from here on in, because I am a skimmer and I skim pretty much everything I read even if it's something I love and then any review I give is skewed (it's sooo bad for school, ugh) because I don't have the full chapter processed. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm here and I am quite enjoying what you're crafting. Wonderful work :)

-kait

A very interesting start. I really liked how you stuck with the traditional villain talking way too much that he eventually gets thwarted.

I also liked how you have some background information on Aline as well as a physical description. Many people seem to miss the physical description and it makes it harder for the reader to visualize the characters. KUDOS!

Also, and this is just me being picky: Susanne, her maid since childhood, would not let her leave the room before Aline was flawlessly presented however long it might take. (“her maid since childhood” is a clause and needs a comma after childhood)

Hello from the review game!

First of all, I like the realistic sense of this story. The descriptions really help in giving me this impression, especially when you describe her body aches and her desire for a bath.

I also like the main character's personality and the way you show this with her sarcastic sense of humor in her retorts. It gives her a sense of strength and determination, which I like in a character.

I enjoyed the way you left me hanging at the end too. It's a great way to ensure I'll read further on!

~Katalina

Poor Hugh; I think you do an excellent job of conveying how he feels about Aline, without it being obvious. And I like how stubborn she is. It works really well, especially when they're interaction with each other. The main critique I have is that some of your sentences are too long; they could be broken up with commas or full stops. Also, watch out for words like 'then', or using 'and' too much. So with [His left side was warm though felt weighed down and his right was cold and aching which confused him until he recollected what had happened.] you could instead have (His left side was warm, though it felt weight down. His right was cold and aching, confusing him until he recollected what had happened.) [There was no love lost between Hugh and his cousin and his dependence on the duke burned deeply whenever he thought of it but he had always taken pride in his loyalty to his lord and his determination to serve the interests of the province.] is really long. You could cut it down, so (There was no love lost between Hugh and his cousin. His dependence on the duke burned deeply whenever he thought of it, but he had always taken pride in loyalty to his lord and his determination to serve the interests of the province.) With things like [Then turning on her heel she walked quickly away] you could just drop the ‘then’. There were a few more things like that, but I think you should be able to spot them easily enough if you glance through the chapter.

Hi Deedee Elle!

I've just discovered this awesome story, I read all chapters in less than 3 hours!

You're making me crazy with Hugh and Aline... they're simply beautiful together :)

All characters are well described, in my opinion, the servants too! I love Jack and Kate, and also Margaret :)

I like obviously Aline and Hugh: Aline is a sensible woman but with a strong will and a sharp tongue, and Hugh is gentle but able to attract the respect of the people (except for Sthephan, but... we know he feels the rivalry with Hugh) and passionate.

You write very well! And now you have a new fan :D

You're a goddess :D I'm not used to read romance, but this story is too beautiful. And I hope you're going to update soon!

One last thing... I'm sorry for my bad english!

This is an amazing story! you're doing great :)

Oh my. Aline sure landed herself into some mess, huh? Well, I guess it's not all her fault considering she was kidnapped and all... but anyway, I think this chapter did a great job in developing/furthering the plot. We finally get to meet the main (?) protagonist in this chapter, and he's one nasty piece of work! It's kinda amazing how he's related to Hugh and they look so alike, yet their personalities are so different. I think it adds a nice twist to the situation, because I can definitely picture Aline looking at Stephen and imagining Hugh later on down the line. Hopefully it doesn't turn her off from him...

It is sweet that Hugh tries to keep watch over her, escorting her and bringing her to the dungeon himself. From the way you describe it, that place seems really damn creepy. I like how you address the people mindlessly sitting in their cells like hollow minded ghosts - that alone would scare the bejesus out of me if I were in Aline's shoes.

I'm starting to think the idea of Hugh helping her break out might not be so far-fetched from the way he's acting... but he's also smart enough not to do anything rash. I do like how you mention the part at the end about how a lesser man would have kissed her, and a braver man would have set her free... but a man in the middle treats her like Hugh treats her. It shows a lot about his character - that he's somewhere in the middle when it comes to chivalry.

Nice chapter; I can't wait to see this Stephen bastard get what he deserves.

[She was looking forward to this morning with her planned ride all week] This should be 'she had been looking forward...'

While there is a good story here, there is some serious grammar issues. Punctuation errors especially along with quite a few run-on or random sentences that are just plain confusing. Also, the sudden jump from them on a ride to her being drugged and kidnapped came out really gawky and didn't flow together. Perhaps you should flesh out that bit some more; give it more life and realism.

On the other hand, I really enjoyed some of the clever discriptions in the piece. They helped bring some things together. The plot itself is solid and ended in such a way that most would continue. The cliffhangers are tricky; you have to know where to leave it. I think you did well with this chapter.

~Lazer

I remember your story from the last time I reviewed, so I'm not totally lost or anything. :P I know the beginning was interesting enough, with her kidnapping and his blunt statements.

I like how this chapter explained some things for me, although I felt that this was more of a filler chapter (not that it's bad, I just like thing to happen fast. Call me impatient... keep doing what you're doing.). I admit I was happy to know that she wasn't sexually attacked by her captives, towards the end. Your descriptions, while not flowery and abstract, really helped set the scene.

Good job! ~Katalina

Oh, poor Aline. Her worst fears have been realized. And with Hugh as witness. Loved this:"Hugh sat rigid on his horse,hair dishevelled and coat open to reveal a glimpse of his tanned chest,{his} eyes burning into Aline{'s}." With few words we still feel the sizzle. The bracketed things I would personally remove/add respectively.

Desperation is good; maybe Hugh is finally reaching his breaking point. Loved the description of blood on a "hearty and confident" Stephen. He loves bloodshed.

Concrit: I think you could add some sentence variety to your writing, now that you have good description added. For example, instead of "She paused at the top of the stairs..." you could write, "Pausing at the top of the stairs,she looked again at the riders." It just adds, well, variety. Here's another place:instead of "It took her a moment of searching before she spotted the lithe figure of Hugh on Bayliss,..." you could write "After a moment of searching she spotted the lithe figure of Hugh on Bayliss..." After my first run-through I usually go back and see where I can place these different sentence structures. Once again, am looking forward to the next installment!

Oh no! :( poor Aline. I'm glad you updated :) please updat again soon!

Great work; Beautifully written; can't wait to see what happens next!

Great chapter! I'm ready for Hugh to beat up stephen and tell Aline how he really feels.

Happy writing!