LE GASP!

ahem.

I quite like this. It reminds me a bit of The Mists of Avalon or maybe Game of Thrones.

Jack is very cute:)

I like the dialogue, it definitely gives me a sense for the time period. The description is effective but not suffocating, and the sentences are fluid.

And you always gotta love plot twists:)

Very well done.

While I only read this one chapter, I must admit, it was quite an interesting read. Didn't know the characters too well, but I got a good feel for them while reading it.

The scenery was good, characters were good and the way you wrote it almost made it sound like it was from more of an older time period. My only dislike of it was that it was at times overly descriptive. An almost "and then they did this, and then that" kinda way. Not really, but close. It wasn't too bad though.

Interesting story, I can tell you've got a good plot going there. Good work.

awesome story, i couldn't stop reading this. i have been longing for a great story to read and you delivered. i applaud you. you are a great writer and i can't wait to read your other work. i love this story! i love it!

I really enjoyed that moment where Aline was on the horse with Godfrey and she started imagining that it was Hugh again. I thought that was a really touching moment, and it shows how much she misses Hugh but may still not be willing to admit it. It was a bit sad when she opened her eyes and saw Godfrey there instead... I really felt bad for her.

It's nice to see Aline back home with people she knows she can trust. After all these chapters of seeing her suffer being under Stephen's hold, it's great that she's finally able to break free and be herself again. And now she's going to go thank the man who saved her life. Wait until she sees who it is - though I have a feeling she already suspects it was Hugh.

Haha, I loved that part at the end where Hugh pulled Aline on top of him, then fell asleep like that because of the potion. I was so hoping they'd be able to have a bit of fun before he nodded off, but I guess they should wait until he's able to walk again, you know? ;)

I have a few minor edits:

["How did you find me? The question burst from Aline's lips almost as soon as they left the clearing.]

Edit: Missing an end quote after 'me.'

[What were you thinking of?]

Edit: Suggest removing the 'of.'

["Why?" her companion shrugged,]

Edit: The 'her' should be capitalized and the comma after 'shrugged' should be a period.

["I don't think that is wise," Godfrey frowned,]

Edit: The comma after 'frowned' should be a period.

["A thief as well." he said scornfully.]

Edit: The period after 'well' should be a comma.

I'm not sure what side Margaret's on - she keeps stimulating Aline to marry Stephen, yet she promised Hugh to look after Aline. Leaving me to doubt if Margaret is really the kind woman she pretends to be - or a harsh servant of Duke Stephen, sent by him to gain Aline's confidence. After all, she didn't tell Aline Hugh didn't leave her by his own choice. Just speculating, though.

Aline isn't going to fall in love with Stephen, I hope? I don't care how good company he is, Aline has to be with Hugh because Hugh loves her and Stephen obviously doesn't. Stephen is now just pretending to be kind and caring, but he will change a lot as soon as Aline has given birth to a son.

You end with an amazing cliffhanger. I wonder what the confrontation between Aline and Hugh is going to be like? Does Hugh assume Aline now loves Stephen? And what will Aline say to Hugh, considering she thinks Hugh has left her? Maybe it's all just a ploy set up by Stephen to taunt his cousin. 'See? I have this woman, meaning that I'm awesome and you're not'. I see Stephen do that, unfortunately.

I discovered one mistake:

'"Stephen lifted' Those quotation marks aren't necessary.

Keep writing :)

Poor Hugh. Poor Aline! But of course, Hugh is going to come to her rescue...isn't he? Like I've said before, the main thing to watch out for is overusing people's names and long sentences. With the names you could easily change them to some sort of description or just use he, she, etc. With the long sentences, cutting out things like then and in some cases and will help. [completed his search then stood uncertainly waiting for instructions.] COuld be shortened; (completed his search. He stood uncertaintly, waiting for instructions.)

[through a narrow, grille set high in the wall.] Doesn't need a comma there.

[Hugh pulled off his boots and lay on the low bed staring at the shadows as they moved slowly across the wall.] Could have a comma there, betwen bed and staring.

Just a couple of the things I noticed; there were a few more near the end where you use 'then' a lot. Consdier cutting them out and repalcing them with commas or starting a new sentence instead.

Hope that helps!

I for one enjoyed the description of Sir Hugh waking up with a hangover and the gradual navigation back to a fully awakened state. It's horrible that I can relate to this, but there it is :). You manage to sneak in a fair amount of backstory here without interrupting the flow.

The pace from being strangers to acknowledging a growing attraction is perfect. I love the close-up perspective, when you zoom in near, like when Sir Hugh is realizing that Aline is sleeping next to him. Aline sneaking up on Hugh's morning wash was a treat, him catching her looking and her embarrassment. Another good example of the detailed descriptions working to your advantage. You also switch between the POV's effortlessly, something I struggle with myself.

Lastly, I think you get Hugh's personality across real well in that last scene when Hugh orders Aline in shackles. He's so obviously uneasy with the idea but still goes through with it since it's an 'order'.

This chapter was a bit of a filler, but it's the good kind of filler as it allows us a bit more information about Hugh's and Aline's personalities.

It's sweet to find how much each person cares about the other, yet they think their feelings aren't replied. They're a bit like star-crossed lovers, though it's possible that they'll end up together anyway. But, like you said, I'm probably in for a lot of surprises.

I can understand Hugh completely though, and how he just lost it when he heard Stephen talk about Aline like that. Stephen genuinely doesn't care about others: he only cares about power and his own sake, which makes him easy to dislike.

Near the end of the story, you switch between Hugh's and Aline's POV again. It might be nice to put an xox there like you did at the first time of the POV-switch. I'm nitpicking a bit, I know, but still :)

I wonder how things are going to change between Hugh and Aline. Is Hugh going to forsake his loyalty to his cousin after all, to free Aline?

Keep writing :)

Good solid chapter here. you give us that much more to wonder about whom the man is that has now saved her and recaptured her. I can't wait to see what happens when and if her necklace is found.

I kinda feel bad for the young boy that seems to be doing this for maybe the money, but he certainly doesn't like it. I'd like to hear his stroy to see why he is doing this.

This was a lovely story and I am sad that it is over. But all good sotries must come to an end, eh? I loved Aline's character and Hugh's too. I would have to say that my favourite was Jack. Him and Kate were very cute together and when Kate fell into the terrible situation, I thought I would cry.

Wonderful job!

Aw, I'm sad it's over, but at least it had a satisfying and happy ending! As I've said before, you made an excellent story, here! I loved the characters, the plot, the chemistry between Hugh and Aline, everything! Great job!

Duke Stephen sounds genuinely insane. He's nothing but a power-hungry fool, and a big loser too. I don't like him. Then again, I think he's not really meant to be liked anyway.

It's sweet, to find something blossoming between Aline and Hugh. Up to this chapter, all we had was implications that they liked each other - but this turned that into full-blown romance. Very sweet. I did catch on rather quickly that Hugh making love to Aline was a dream, though.

I really hope Hugh will show Duke Stephen that he trusted the wrong guy, that Hugh will kidnap Aline again and bring her back to Leavingham where they will live happily ever after. But I don't think this story is that standard, actually, so I guess I'll just have to look at what will happen next. I'm in for many surprises D

(Shall I stop leaving these tags? I think they're annoying for you too, and I think you've already figured out that I want you to review I Never in return. :) )

A piercing scream from above assaulted his ears. [This is just an opinion, but the word "assaulted" really jumped out as a purple-prose-like word, and I didn't like it as much.]

Aline! [You can italicize the exclamation point here too I think]

Buttherehadbeennoattacker! [I wasn't keen on the phrasing of this just because it starts with "Butt" and "herehead" made me look twice as if it said "butthead", hehe, so maybe "There was no attacker!" would be better? Also I think the "had" can be omitted. I do enjoy this technique though, unlike it looks like, the rest of your reviewers, xD, but I actually thought it was realistic and really showed the reader his panic and quick lines of thinking without explaining it to us-in fact, I mean, you could just omit the sentence afterwards in my opinion, because it already showed me that Hugh's mind couldn't comprehend. But then I really like seeing a bit of experimentation in narratives...and I think for some people it might be off-putting in a story that has so far been very traditional with perspective and narrative.]

His victim turned her head... [Wasn't fond of the language here with the "victim", it made me assume it was rape right away. Which I mean, before you reveal it's Kate, it could have been a sex worker or anything. I think you give away that impression too soon and could maybe bring it out more with Kate's gratitude when she leaves-I think you could shock us more with his violent actions. Also I might add, this story reminds me of the newest Game of Thrones season, gotta admit! Stephen and Joffrey would both make god awful Kings, yet there they are...being Kings, lol]

Overall I enjoyed this chapter though, I was a little confused at first because we ended on Aline going to kill Stephen and she barely made it out of her own room...that was actually kind of disappointing to me. You had a great moment to bring out this awesome moment of strength with her and went the "hysterical woman" route instead which...I mean it follows with her anguish about the news well, but I would've liked a more controlled braver reaction to it, more calculating maybe. In that respect I didn't feel her reaction to the news was very original either-especially with Hugh going in to save her (have to agree with Stephen on that part). Would've enjoyed seeing Aline deck Stephen in the face but then that doesn't stick true to the agency of women during this time period either, so after everything I think Aline's reaction, while it did sort of disappointment, at least stuck true to the era in which you're writing the story.

Anyway! Interested in seeing what might happen with Kate too-if that will ever go into more detail or if that's just the end of the rape situation. It was downplayed a bit since they seemed to switch subjects pretty fast, but I'd like to continue to see this type of abuse on Stephen's part only to keep his character consistent. If it's a one-time occurrence, I don't believe it. I hope that someone does stop him, though.

Looking forward to more, it'll be interesting to see what Aline is like after this reaction.

This was a really good fight scene. It was well thought out, exciting, and had plenty of details. It made me feel as though I was there. I also like how you switched from Hugh's POV back Aline's. It gave the reader insight to their thoughts and feelings, making us more invested in the outcome of the battle. As always, your descriptions are excellent. I never lose sight of the time and place, the people and their traditonal way of thinking. Well done.

RG - Easy Fix:

I loved the suspense you built at the beginning of the chapter. I was on the edge of my seat, biting my nails to find out if Hugh was dead. You did a great job showing the torment and fear Aline was suffering at seeing Hugh's body unmoving. I was right there with her. As always, you beautiful descriptions and narrative go so well with historical romance. The dialogue and actions of the character also sound authentic. The ending was perfect and very fitting end to the story. It was suspenseful, heartwarming, and romantic. It was pleasure seeing these two fall for each other and the last seeing was just as satisfying. My favorite line is : "Take pity on me, Aline," Hugh implored in mock misery. "I intend to spend my life making love to you but I've fought two battles today. I fear I'm incapable of another conquest!" Great job! I have absolutely nothing to criticize about this chapter, it was that well written.