Firstly, I really like the book, I just have a couple of comments on this chapter. At one point you use the word ordeal twice very close together, which makes it sound a little clunky. Also there is perhaps a little too much use of "Hugh and Stephen" rather than eg the fighters, the combatants, the duelers.

Also I was kind of hoping Aline would kill Stephen...

I hope you aren't annoyed by my comments, they are intended to be helpful, and are very minor points.

Well done!

This story is absolutely amazing. I'm honestly speechless. I just wanted to let you know I've been completely sucked in to this story and can't wait for the next update!

Keep up the awesome work!

-Kelly

There are very few romances I am into. If I am to read one, I have to be into it, and you really got me interested by the first chapter! You are definitely a good writer and have lot of originality when it comes to writing. I have read so few romances that I love and yet the authors don't even finish them and to see you dedicate your time into writing this is awe-inspiring to me.

I really love this! There is just something about a tragic romance that I like or the amount of tension there is between the lovers and you had really put a lot of tension between Hugh and Aline with a dash of a tragic romance, it's the best of both worlds. I also love those knights in shining armor ;D, they are sexy lol.

I really do hope Hugh survived, it would be sad if he did :(

I really loved the sentence about Lorrimer surviving Stephen's ascent, that was well done and it felt smooth but also said a lot about Lorrimer at the same time. A great sentence!

In fact, I enjoyed the scenes with Lorrimer-I mean, he's not exactly the most original archetype in a medieval-based story, but I still think you handled him well and when he was talking with Hugh he really fulfilled the role meant for him!

Was glad to see Aline get a bit of breathing room for a year, that was a relief and I believe Hugh in that a lot can happen ;) Certainly that's enough time to plot out an escape plan, haha.

"Spill his seed"? nice alliteration but gross DX

I found this reaction from Aline to get rid of Hugh to save him a trope that has been used perhaps a bit too much-I wasn't surprised when it came and I find myself a bit disappointed, as if wishing for something a little more original. I just felt like it's the same trick women always try to play on men, was looking for variety. BUT at the same time, I liked that you solved the problem quickly when the conversation continued-I'm very pleased you didn't just let them part ways with that misunderstanding, and that brought the originality back in it for me!

Again we see the title card brought in, I like the reoccurring theme. I also loved the moment of confession-the love between them is a long time coming, I'm so glad I've at least got to the point where they've revealed it to one another!

Hugh's gift could not prevent Aline's stomach twisting into knots. - Perhaps this is missing "from twisting into knots"?

"Aline reached out and... - typo, omit the quotation

"Oh, My Lady, You have..." - typo, I don't think "you" needs to be capitalized?

"I believe I should take a chaperone, for the sake of propriety," Aline smiled, raising her eyebrows at the young man. He had the grace to grin back at her.

"Very well then," Aline smiled, "Kate, bring my cloak, I would like to see your city."

- In this passage above I was confused-who is speaking, is Aline speaking both dialogues? If so then the second paragraph needs to be bumped into the first. I couldn't tell because your speaker tags were "Aline smiled".

In regards to this chapter, I enjoyed seeing Aline content in that middle section because it's good to know she at least got to relax before that big blow there at the end. I enjoyed the moments with Kate and Jack and liked when she contrasted her life with theirs, it kind of puts things in perspective. I can't help but continue to dislike Stephen, even though I know more about his accident and everything. That ending was just a major setback. I feel terrible for Aline and really sympathize now, which I like because it's really drawing me in! I really hope that she can somehow find a way to escape-that would be really ideal. It's probably easier said than done, but at least no one has a GPS tracking device or a cell phone, haha.

Enjoyed the ending of this and the incorporation of the title into this chapter to bring out the theme. It was interesting to find out the background for Stephen, I wasn't expecting there to be an actual metal problem going on, so I liked that unexpected twist because I didn't see it coming. I think you conveyed the story with a good pace too at the beginning, the conversation appeared very natural and I had no problems with how it came about.

I also I liked to see the tension between Hugh and Aline because it creates more characterization around their relationship. It's a particularly frustrating situation but that's how you get conflict! Fun that Jack is back in the story too, figuring Hugh may have had something to do with that. Overall I think this was a good follow up chapter to the tension in the previous few, and a good release of some of that with the reveal of why Stephan is how he is. I look forward to more!

You evil, evil author! Making us wait!

This chapter was so well described I could see it unfolding in my head battleground with its dead, the horses whinneying pathetically while standing next to their fallen riders, the wounds on Jack's face...All so crystal clear in my mind's eye.

I like how Stephen, the coward that he is, starts trembling when Hugh shows up! What a way to characterize him. Excellent example of showing, not telling.

I was a little surprised that Hugh could knock Stephen's sword out of his grasp so quickly. I found that first paragraph moved a little too quickly. The tension could have been dragged out a bit longer, with references to Hugh's five senses, as well as perhaps some of Stephen' 's their states of mind, too. But then next chapter could contain all those details. Appealing to the reader's senses will help draw him/her into the story more deeply.

Of course Aline would go looking for Hugh!

You'd better make this a happy ending! I'm gonna be real angry if Hugh doesn't persevere! LOL

Like I said, this is another excellently written really looking forward to the next chapter.

Wow, things are getting intense! I would have cried if Godfrey had died! Can't wait to see what happens!

I think in this case he would view the difference in your ages an acceptable barrier to the match.

-Ahaha, nice.

But none wasvery skilled at riding...

-'was very', and I almost think 'were' is the proper word here but my grammar skills are dodgy at best so I could be wrong.

Sometimes, watching other couples in the court laughing and dancing she ached so deeply inside for someone to seize her up in an embrace that the sensation was almost painful.

-Nothing technically wrong with this sentence, but it made me wonder a bit if she's thinking this out of love or lust. The message seems to be mixed (the dancing/laughing indicates a love-like friendship, but the possessive embrace is more physical, lust-like), so I'm not sure what to take from it.

...given that the year was well into autumn...

-Earlier in the chapter it says it's nearing the end of summer.

Do you think I would tell you any this...

-any of

I really liked the ending of this. The chapter started pretty straightforward and, while well-written, was basically just information, so I was hoping it would open up into a nice dramatic scene and what a way to go! It's great because we get to see inside Aline's head without being told 'this is how she would react in a bad situation', and it also gave a good cliffhanger for the next chapter. Great way to bring readers into the story.

Overall, this was well-written and edited, aside from the couple things I noted above. It was straightforward and easy to read, which was nice. The only thing that stood out to me as needing slight improvement was the dialogue. Everything was grammatically correct, but at times it felt stilted. For instance, when Dickon explained what was happening at the end, I had trouble believing someone would talk like that, because it's very formal, and not in keeping with the natural pauses and actions most people have when speaking. Just a minor nitpick, though. :)

Poor Hugh. Poor Aline! I think you manage, quite well, to make the characters sympathetic, and I like how you have the whole rash-emotion-reaction, too. It works quite well. Like I said before, just be careful of overly long sentences, they can really make the pace drag a bit and tire a reader out. A lot of the time, where you use 'and', you could simply cut it out and have two sentences, or replace it with a comma. For example, near the start, [The chamberlain sucked at his teeth and pulled at a stray thread] could be "sucked at his teeth, pulling at a stray thread.) [Also cruelty is not in your nature.] Could have a comma after 'also'. [His heart tugged as he pictured her alone and scared, and the urge to find her] Could change to (...he pictured her alone and scared. The urge to find her...) Just a few adjustments like that would tidy up the prose and make it a bit easier for the reader.

Nooo I can't wait until the next chapter!

I think this is a great and well-written story. The story line is fantastic and pretty unique. I usually don't like time period pieces very much but I find I make an exception for yours. I read this all in one day, I can't wait for the next chapter, I know it's going to be epic. I hope that he can kill Stephen!

It's quite well written, I like your diction. It helps a good bit with the immersion into the story as it seems to stay with the sort of classical-esque vernacular in the story.

I'm not sure it's quite believable that Aline would simply up and run off with this new groom, although she did seem to consider it for a second. I might suggest adding a little foreshadowing of the groom's malicious intentions, or a little more inner-conflict with Aline.

There were a few minute grammatical errors, a comma needed here or there mostly, but all are very quick fixes.

Hope to read more soon,

-E

I still really like how you describe the old English the people use. It’s a bit Shakespearian and I can imagine how difficult it can be to write it, so I tip my hat to you.

Let me guess, Aline is falling for the captain, Jack? (By the way, Captain Jack reminds me of someone… ever watched Doctor Who?) It’s certainly a surprise to find out he’s second in line to the throne, but that does finally give him a reason to kidnap Aline. You end with a very decent cliffhanger.

I do wonder if Aline isn’t showing some kind of Stockholm Syndrome because she’s kidnapped – might she be falling for her kidnapper exactly for that reason?

Finally, I love how Aline’s able to do everything herself. She might be of royal blood, she’s not a girl who likes to do nothing. I really like her character and I hope we’ll see more of that side of her.

Keep it up!

(Could you review I Never for me in return? Thank you)

I liked Hugh's background information. It must be why he's kinda arrogant and bad tempered, because he feels bitter about how he lost his position? Well, that's my guess anyway. I know I would be pretty annoyed if that happened to me...

I like the slow development of their relationship. It's nice that although Aline may be a bit physically attracted to him, she's still hesitant to be friendly. It's not unrealistic, and yet it's still noticeable that there's a hint of a change in their interaction... I like how Aline, at first, was making fun of his past in alight hearted manner, but she soon realised it wasn't very nice... :)

Great cliffhanger, by the way! I hope Hugh isn't too injured... :(

I LOVE this story! Update soon!(: