Reviews for Honour of the Heart |
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Dr. Self Destruct chapter 19 . 3/1/2012 Hmm, that's funny, I don't know why Fictionpress was acting strange to your italics. But then again, I guess I shouldn't be surprised with how the website has been acting the past few months. xD ["I blamed him," Stephen's voice was suddenly hard. "I had him executed this morning. His head adorns a spike on the citadel wall." He gave a giggle and Aline's blood ran cold at the sound. "He would have loved all that blood, if only he could have seen it."] I'm sorry, this is probably mean of me to say this, but I found this exchange hilarious. Stephen is starting to become one of those villains I just can't get enough of - kinda like the Joker from Batman. He's bordering that line of just being a plain dick to being deliciously evil and cruel. Just how he can take this conversation where Aline is actually feeling kinda bad for him and twist it into this, ahaha, I thought this was awesome. Oh man. xD ["When I return as High Lord with Aline as my bride, you will suffer the fate of adulterers. I will have you castrated and your eyes put out, but I still will not kill you. I want to know that on my wedding night you are lying near us, gelded and blind, hearing every moan, every cry, every gasp of pleasure I wring from your lady."] Oh fuck. You went and done it now, Hugh. I'm sorry, but that part there where he's talking about taking Aline with Hugh nearby able to hear everything - once again, this just adds another level to his villainy. He is really turning out to be quite the bastard these past few chapters - I'm highly enjoying that turn of events. I think it'll help the reader despise him even more, and make his downfall all that more glorious. Of course, assuming he does die... but I don't see him walking away from this once the story is over after how much he's pissed off Aline and Hugh. ["But Aline, I don't care if you consent. I never did. In fact I shall prefer to take you knowing that you don't. I always find that much more stimulating!"] Aaaaand... another point for Stephen's dickishness. Yes, that's a word I made up. This just keeps getting better and better. |
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 18 . 3/1/2012 I think there's a lot of emotion packed into that scene where Hugh is standing in his cell, thinking about Aline. I also like how we see the guards still listen to him, because I remember Stephen being somewhat afraid that Hugh might cause an uprising - so I was wondering how far their loyalties lie. Seeing as how they still took him down to the cellar, I'm wondering if they're just waiting for him to rise up and defy Stephen. In fact, I'm very curious to see just how many guards would fall behind Hugh, because I think it will show how the general populace view Stephen - so far I'm thinking they don't have a very high opinion of him. It was very touching that he thought of Aline, back before she was distraught with grief. Ah, if only he'd known back then what he does now, he could have taken her far away from all of this. Hopefully he still gets the chance to do that in the future. Ah, poor Jack. I had forgotten Kate was his girl - one of the bad things about reading a story over such a long course of time. It is nice to see them banding together, though. They both know well the situation each other is in, and I'm glad to see Jack back again. He really has turned into a great character throughout the story, although his appearances are brief. I think I figured out why Aline's reaction bothered me in the past two chapters - I think I just hate seeing her like this. She was such a strong woman, I hate seeing her broken and succumbing to the madness Stephen has been forcing onto her. Thinking back to everything she's had to deal with, I can understand a little better why she's in this state - I don't think it's just about her grandfather, but a culmination of everything she's had to deal with. I've never heard of this procedure where they pump the blood out of your body. It's a very fascinating concept. I really hope Aline ends up okay. From the way things keep going from bad to worse, I'm afraid how this story might end. :( I hate sad endings! D: |
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 17 . 3/1/2012 Aha! The confrontation I've been waiting for after all this time. I could just tell that Hugh was going to lunge at Stephen after he made that remark about sleeping with Aline. Honestly, if he treats his servants like that I'm surprised he hasn't tried to make a move on Aline sooner. As twisted as he is, I'm sure the bastard has a reason to hold out on her - even if it is just to build up the suspense on her end, and torture Hugh. But yeah, it was very satisfying to see Hugh start to choke out Stephen, even though he got away. I'm almost wondering if Stephen planned that part out as soon as Hugh came running in the room as some type of way to make Hugh look like the bad guy in front of those guards. I'm not really sure how I feel about the first half of the chapter, the part with Aline. I do like how Hugh comes up there to see who's screaming, and how he almost guts her out of surprise (I thought that created some nice suspense), then hugs her and tries to calm her down, but Aline's reaction itself to the death of her grandfather feels a little... hmm, I dunno... I think over dramatic, though that's just my opinion. A person would have to put a lot of force behind trying to claw their arms to the extent of making them bleed - I don't know if emotional distress would actually be able to do that to a person. It is a nice way to get her despair across, but, even in a fit of rage, I never pictured Aline to be the type to inflict self harm. [Buttherehadbeennoattacker!Shehaddonethistoherself!] I noticed these lines don't have any spaces. I thought this might have been a mistake, or fictionpress' formatting being funny. Just thought I'd point it out. I really liked how the plot turned at the end of this chapter. From the way things are now, it's obvious that Hugh is going to need to do something in the near future. I've been holding my breath just waiting for the time to arrive where Stephen gives him no other choice but to fight back - and it looks like that time is finally here. |
Stephanie M. Moore chapter 26 . 2/28/2012 First of all, I wanted to let you know that I have read all of the chapters of this story in the matter of a few hours. I have been thoroughly entranced. I don't know how I've never discovered this story before, but I love everything about it. Aline is a fully-formed character, Hugh is an enchanting and wistful love interest, and Stephen is delightfully despicable. And clearly, you are near the end. The build up is almost to great to bear. I can't wait to see what happens. As for this chapter, I really like the opening paragraphs. It gives a strong image of the scene and the sort of grim, weighty atmosphere. It conveys the tension well. Their parting is sufficiently heart-wrenching. You actually have me worried you may kill Hugh before the end of this. You describe the emotions very well; they really jump off the page thanks to your descriptions. Oh, I'm glad that Hugh instructed the men to tell Roxholm's soldiers that he was there. I thought that perhaps some of them might surrender if they knew he was attempting to overthrow Stephen. And they do recognize him... excellent. It was a very poignant moment when he recognizes the boy he killed and experiences that flash of despair. It was a strong moment. No, not Godrey! I hope that tourniquet works properly... Oh! Cruel cliffhanger. I can't wait to see how this ends. You definitely have me hooked. Please update soon! |
The-Alpis chapter 26 . 2/28/2012 AN EXCELLENT STORY! I cant wait to find out how everything ends! |
this wild abyss chapter 3 . 2/25/2012 I think you do a good job describing what's going on with Aline. Everything seems pretty clear and easy to follow, and it's written well. At the same time, I think that it would be nice to see how she's feeling about all this. Like, the reader knows what she's doing about it, but not what she's thinking about it. I think that information would help to create a broader picture of her character. |
cerebral1 chapter 26 . 2/24/2012 Nooo! You can't leave us hanging! Hugh needs to skewer the b******! Absolutely LOVED Aline's and Hugh's farewell! One of the most beautifully romantic good-bye scenes I've ever my own heart in my throat. Fabulously done! Hand to hand fight scenes were realistically gory, yet not too much balance. I think there could have been more build up to Hugh's approach of Stephen. I would have liked to have felt some tension on his approach, and perhaps some description of the people watching him approach. Even more description of Stephen as he at last sets eyes on his nemesis. Of course, you can always start next chapter with that, so I'll be patient :) Can hardly wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Hugh had better survive! He's too gorgeous to cut down! Just loved this whole chapter; you've outdone yourself this time! |
this wild abyss chapter 2 . 2/21/2012 I think you have an excellent way of characterizing Aline. She's a strong woman, but at the same time she's not super-macho or unbelievable. I like that. There's a good balance between action and story-building in this chapter here, which I like because this early in the story you'll still need explanation, but not enough to make your readers bored. I think you're straddling that line very well here. |
Findus chapter 26 . 2/20/2012 Hi there, I saw that you'd updated so I thought I'd drop by. Another great chapter. I liked how you built up towards the battle and I pitied them when they had to say their farewells in front of people. I thought you handled that scene very well. Hugh's conflicting emotions during the battle, having to slay men he knew was my favorite part of this chapter. And you ended it perfectly 'Hello, Stephen.' :) Can't wait for the final confrontation. Little spelling mistake: 'firghting' - nothing else as far as I can see at a quick glance. Cheers, Findus |
esthaelum chapter 4 . 2/20/2012 Seriously, Aline's hatred for the captain is hilarious and amusing at times. I just like how he sounds so calm, but she's always snapping at him. I've also noticed that she tends to talk sarcastically to him... xD I think the captain is also finding her amusing. I have a feeling that no one talks to him the way she does, so he finds it a bit shocking. It's a bit obvious he finds it amusing, considering that he's often smiling or even returning her retorts. It really makes this fun to read. ["Particularly well sliced onions, My Lady," the captain grinned, tipping his mug of ale at her, and despite herself Aline smiled back.] - OMG. THEY SMILED AT EACH OTHER. ["This boy is far too good to waste on a walk, we ride together." and before she could protest he swung himself up behind her, reaching around her waist to take the reins. He wheeled the horse around and set off at a trot down the path.] - AND OMG. HE'S SITTING BEHIND HER. Okay, I'm adding this story to my favourites. I JUST LOVE ALINE AND THE CAPTAIN. ["Jack. Do I understand clearly what you have done? We are in the process of kidnapping the heir to the Leavingham, trying to be discreet and you go buying her a DRESS?"] - LOL. I dont even know why I find this hilarious. His reaction amuses me. HEY. DOES THAT MEAN THAT HUGH IS ROYALTY. DOES IT. MORE LOVE FOR THIS STORY. I LOVE ROYAL PEOPLE. AND ROMANCE. AND ARROGANT DUDES. YOU HAVE IT ALL. RH~ |
esthaelum chapter 3 . 2/20/2012 [His eyes were a deep blue and when they came up to meet her own Aline felt a tremor run through her body, good grief but he was handsome!] - Yup. He's definitely her love interest. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW THIS GOES. XD Aah, so his name is Hugh? Considering that he managed to catch her so easily last chapter, it's not a surprise that he's a captain. No wonder he's a bit arrogant as well... xD I like the way he talks though. It's sophisticated - then again, I think mostly everyone in this story talks like that. Hehe. I just love how Hugh and Aline don't get along well. I don't think she's used to being treated like this... Nothing much happened here, but it was nice to see more of Hugh. As expected, they're not getting along well. I like the tension and Aline's obvious dislike for him. I wonder how that will change throughout the story! xD |
esthaelum chapter 2 . 2/20/2012 I havent read this in a while! I had to reread the first chapter to remember what happened :) I'm wondering if that dude who rescued Aline will be nice... I'm guessing that the dude with dark hair and blue eyes will be her romantic interest? I like the little boy so far! He seemed sweet and very polite, and you did a good job with displaying his youth. I wonder if he'll play a larger role in this story or not? He was also a nice contrast to the older man who was pointing the crossbow at her at one point. Hehe, I like this dark haired man. I'm not sure I would trust him though, but he has charm... He sounds rather arrogant too (I LOVE ARROGANT CHARACTERS) xD RH~ |
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 2/17/2012 I'm not sure I can put this into words, but the way this chapter (especially the latter half) went out didn't seem very plausible. The way Dickon told Aline that he was drugging her felt silly and a bit forced, and it didn't strike the right sort of emotion into the reader. If anything, it made the rescuer's eventual appearance less surprising. I also feel like you're in need of quite a bit of world building for your introductory chapter. You mentioned that Aline would be High Lady of the provinces, but I have no idea where this story is taking place (or when). If this is historical fiction, your setting is going to be important, and it never works to deal with vague mentions of High Ladies and provinces and suchlike. |
Laoch chapter 6 . 2/15/2012 I enjoyed the resolution towards the wolf. I was hoping for blood and guts, got blood and guts and Aline popped out and shot the creature. Yay. It was actually quite fun to read, especially once you got further in and spotted all that pent up tension between Hugh and Aline. As a general note, I saw a lot of sentences that either came off to choppy or were just a little too ramble-y. Only a handful, but they sounded rather odd when you read them out loud. See if you can find that balance between too long and just long enough, because it would be make the story that much more amazing. ~lazer |
Cerobi chapter 1 . 2/13/2012 Hello, from the RG~ You do a wonderful job of keeping the story aligned to the setting, from Aline's clothing to the description of the townspeople. I'm especially fond of Quinter's speech, which stood at to me as a perfect representation of what speech among the high class would be like in an era of kings, queens, and horseback riding. The characters all seem to fit in well with their world. However, I also found that when Dickon admitted to having drugged Aline, it seemed a bit awkward. The lines, “The wine. It tasted no different from usual but you've been drugged… rendering them unconscious not long after that” seem too direct. Would a villain in a story—a villain who doesn’t seem, at least, to be the main antagonist at this point—reveal so much info about what he was doing and who he was working for? In other stories most of that information is forced out. But YMMV. Regardless, the first chapter is beautifully written! I look forward to reading more. ~Twi |