Reviews for Honour of the Heart |
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DutchAver chapter 3 . 2/11/2012 I really wonder what happened at the beginning of this story - why did the servant die after trying to rape Aline? He had the same motives as the one who killed him, so why did he die? Because the groom had to pretend he was defending Aline? I can completely understand her decision to stay with the bandits, but I think she'll try to run away once in the future. I mean, these are bandits trying to kidnap her - so it won't be too bad if she breaks her word, right? Or will it end up differently? I do wonder what this kidnapping will set off... maybe a war between the two countries? You got me hooked! (Can you please review I Never in return? Thanks) |
mt chapter 1 . 2/9/2012 Amazing story! Spent all day reading it, actually :) Please keep up the good work |
lookingwest chapter 12 . 2/8/2012 The switch from Hugh's third person to Aline's was very awkward in the beginning and I wasn't sure what was going on. So far this story to my memory is told in limited omniscient so it was confused when you took out the limited and then for the majority you focused again only on Aline. Though despite that sudden switch in the beginning I still liked the follow of Hugh and his observations of Aline because I thought it showed how much he cares for her well. I like how you constantly create a great contrast between the Stephen that sends Aline gifts and the actual Stephen-you would think they're two different people. It's a shame he's so cruel and I like how you create that dichotomy because it's a balance I don't see often executed well-you do it wonderfully. It really brings this story into its own and Stephen becomes a very memorable character. |
wisedec4u chapter 25 . 2/7/2012 From the RG - Easy. There are so many things a I liked about this chapter. I think you did a great job of show the emotional changes Aline is going through. She much different from the girl when this story began. There is a hardness, an inner strength shown in her during Hennessey's execution. I can see eventually the strong, ruthless leader she will become. I also liked how you showed both Hugh's and Godfrey's concern for their lady. I'm glad to see that Hugh no longer feel threatened by Godfrey's brotherly affection towards Aline. You story telling is amazing and I can't wait to read more. So please, please update soon. |
lookingwest chapter 11 . 2/5/2012 She had brought a woman... [Style: could be "She brought a woman"] Aline expected her to say that everything would... [Style: could omit "that"] Her body finally succumbed to the fatigue she felt and she felt weak and feverish. [Style: this sentence felt repetitious-I think it's the "she felt and she felt", perhaps re-word] Aline read the note expressing the duke's hope... [Edit(?): Isn't "duke" a title? Unsure as I don't write works in this period, but perhaps it should be capitalized. This happens for the rest of this paragraph as well] ...for the customary refusal, "Tell the duke..." [Edit: period after "refusal"] Duke Stephen was standing looking out of a large window... [Style: "stood"] The sun was setting low over... [Style: "set"] Stephen turned to her sharply, "Why should..." [Edit: period after "sharply"] "...to rule from Roxholm," [Edit: period to end sentence] ...Aline retorted, "And my..." [Edit: either period after "retorted" or un-capitalize "and"] Again, sometimes Duke is capitalized, other times it isn't-not sure which is correct for this story since you do use his name Stephen, but stick to one and stay consistent. "Stephen took her by the shoulders and laughed again, "The consent..." [Edit: typo, extra quotation at beginning. Also, should be a period after "again". Stylistically you could omit "again"] "...than Aline had expected." [Style: omit "had"] Annyyyway, done with minor nit-picks-it has been a long time since I've looked at this story so I wanted to reacquaint myself with your style, etc. I must say that at times it does err on wordy, but only in the sense of an extra word or two. The descriptions themselves aren't, in fact, they're spot on great. Not too much, not too little. Very good balance-just keep an eye on the passive voice and minor typos when editing. Content wise, I really got into this chapter as far as Aline's point of view. I liked following her because she has such inner turmoil, and I looked forward to the dinner with her and Stephen. My favorite scene, however, was probably when she was tossing and turning in bed and thinking about her options. It's a sad fate but I agree, things could be much worse for her. I look forward to seeing how you deal with this balance too. Also, just as a suggested reading, if you haven't ever come across Stephanie Moore's Thorns and Brambles, I highly suggest a look! You might like it! Anyway, loved the ending and the choice to end with Hugh. This mixes up things even more... Oh! And lovely descriptions on the clothing Aline is wearing. I can tell research went into this and that makes for a great story. The descriptions were spot on for me, very visual! |
Dragon made me do it chapter 5 . 2/4/2012 Hello from the RG! In this chapter, you do a good job of Drawing out details that have significance to the story,its characters, and relationships, like mistaking the different men, and not wearing the dress. I thought there was a bit of telling not showing going on in the first third of the story. Much of what was happening was distant from the physical location of the story, and was not taking place in dialogue, but rather was all straight narration. This is okay, but it might be good to break it up occasionally to bring it back to the present. There were a few sentences that went on a bit long, and I thought could have used commas to break them up. For example 'Keen to hear more about the man who had ordered her capture Aline was about to press Duncan for more information when the peace was broken by the return of Sir Hugh.' Could use a comma before 'Aline'. and 'Determinedly ignoring Aline and the men he walked to the fire and prodded a couple of stray branches back with his foot.' -comma after'men' and 'Seemingly satisfied he found himself a cup from the cart and finally joined the three by the rock.' -comma after'satisfied' . there were others, but hopefully this will give you the idea. 'The men stripped off their shirts and boots and plunged into the water leaving Aline standing by the car looking enviously at them.' - Ha ha, nice additions for us ladies :-) 'She unwound her hair from its braid and lay down and floated, closing her eyes. For one brief moment she felt peaceful, forgetting her captivity and the man who waited at the end of the journey.' - This makes for a great break in the pace of the story, which helps maintain the reader's attention. telling himself sharply, 'she's not for you', - she's should be capitalised. Nice timing with the ending as well. Overall, a good job and the story is coming along do a good job of embedding the sophisticated class analysis into the relationships between characters. |
P.A.W.07 chapter 2 . 2/2/2012 Let’s see… it seems I finally got back to this. Alright, I like her character still because let’s face it: she’s intelligent. Her little coy act with the young guard was hilarious; I actually felt bad for the bashful fool. Though I think that with how strong you described her in the first chapter, I find it difficult to believe that she had been unable to press her capture off of her. Maybe it should be put forth that she thinks of herself as very strong but in reality has never been tested. Not that I dislike the image of her being thrown over Mr. Dark and Probably Handsome’s shoulder like a bale of hay. Mmmm, is he our main masculine man? Smutty thoughts aside, I must state I dislike how easy it was for her to escape. I know that they respect her by calling her ‘My Lady’ repeatedly, but I think the young guard would have enough wit to at least follow her and perhaps turn his back only when she made some comment about her honor, but that’s my opinion of course. Simply put, it just seemed too easy for her to sneak away though I’m sure it’s not the last escape attempt. Well done. Be reading soon! |
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 25 . 2/1/2012 Oh wow. Very intense chapter! Update soon! |
cerebral1 chapter 25 . 2/1/2012 Well worth the wait! Excellent chapter; great character development of Aline, and Hugh. Aline, because she has emerged a leader to be reckoned with, and Hugh because he is learning he loves a strong woman and can't protect her no matter how much he wants to. "I have no means in my power to mend a broken heart." Best. Line. Ever. As is Hugh's reaction. You addressed the controversy of Aline admitting to sleeping with Hugh quite smartly. I am so looking forward to the battle! I hope Stephen gets his comeuppance! |
DutchAver chapter 2 . 1/31/2012 I don't really understand Aline's rescuer in this chapter. In the previous one he tries to save her(or seems to) and in this chapter, he captures her again when she's trying to escape. Why was her escape so easy, though? Maybe they're luring her into a trap of some kind. Or maybe something else is going on - and these people who have taken her hostage are actually escorting her to a safer place. It's all speculation at this point, but I'm curious. And, again, you have a great writing style. Aline gets quite far, and is quite tough for a princess, by the way :) I wonder what'll become of her. Keep writing! I discovered one mistake: 'She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand' You mean WITH the back... (Can you please review I Never for me in return? Thanks in advance) |
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 1/30/2012 As always, interesting chapter and I think you've really managed to get the reader interested in the characters, so good job with that. There are, again, a few instances where the sentences are a little long or too wordy; [she ran to open it eagerly, however it was not Jack but Kate bearing a fresh tray of food.] You could stop the sentence after 'eagerly' and have it as two sentences. A comma could be added in after however or after Jack, too. [adding her own necklace to the outfit and as Kate braided] You could split this into two sentences, too; I would suggest dropping the 'and' and replacing it with a full-stop, instead. [She bit her tongue however; Kate] The 'however' isn't really needed here. [ my journey here," Aline blushed] Should be a full-stop instead of a comma, as it isn't a speech tag that follows. A few more later on, but they are the main ones I spotted near the start. |
wisedec4u chapter 24 . 1/30/2012 Another wonderfuly, exciting chapter. I loved how you showed how much Aline and Hugh cared for each other in this scene. Hugh is man is full of honor and courage, but not afraid to show his vulnerability to the woman he loves. I loved that Aline didn't allow Hugh to just walk out, but still manage to hold her ground. The confrontation between Aline and Hennessy had me on the edge of my seat. I was just as shocked as everyone when she confessed that she given her heart and body to Hugh, an act that would be unthinkable for a lady in her position, especially with a commoner. Yes, things were so one sided for women during that time. I'm so glad that they figured out that Hennessy was a traitor. Hopefully they'll defeat Stephan before Hennessy's men can intervene. This story just keep getting better and better. That's really something considering I've never been much for historical romances. I'm loving this though. Keep up the good work. |
wisedec4u chapter 23 . 1/29/2012 I just loved how this story is developing. Hugh and Aline's romance is wonderful to watch. I love the loyalty they show to one another, especially when she has to face her men at the dinner. I also like that Hugh could have easily sat back and let Aline defend him, but he chose to speak up for himself when questioned. He did this in a way that did not undermine Aline's authority. The cutest part is Hugh's inital jealousy over Godfrey and Aline's friendship. By the end Hugh shows a certain degree of admiration for the young man's loyalty to Aline. I also enjoy the lovemaking between Hugh and Aline. It's so tender and romantic. I get goosebumps just reading about them. You're doing a wonderful job and I can't wait to read more. |
DutchAver chapter 1 . 1/29/2012 Whoa. Okay, you had me at the ending - I didn't see that twist coming. Considering this is just the first chapter, you've done a fairly good job already. Dickon is, to say it bluntly, a dick. Abducting Aline and then also trying to rape her... disgusting man. The man in black, her rescuer, is probably the suitor that they found for her, right? Or will they manage to abduct Aline away? I love your writing style! I spotted one mistake, though: '"We have had another suit for your hand,"' I am now imagining the staff of the palace roaming the country in search of a glove. I think you mean suitOR? Who knows, I might review more tomorrow :) (Could you please review I Never in return? Thanks in advance) |
wisedec4u chapter 22 . 1/27/2012 For RG - Easy. I thought this was wonderfully written. Your dialogue and narrative sets just the right tone for a historical romance. I really like Aline. You've written her as a strong, independent woman who's not afraid to speak her mind and go after what she wants. She is not a heroine often seen in romances such at this. Hugh is so sweet and tender in the chapter. I was apparent it the way he made love to her that he cares for very much. They make great match and I can't way to see where you go with their relationship. I hope they only get closer as time goes by. You did a wonderful job. Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. |