I can't say how much I like that your well-bred lady swears upon being awakened. I think that Aline is probably the single strongest reason that your story works so well. She has a strength of her own and I think you keep her character remarkably consistent throughout these first chapters.

”warm honeyed ale” – I really enjoy this attention to detail you have. I imagine also that you’ve done a fair amount of research for your story. If you haven’t, then you make it all sound very authentic, the way I’d imagine the early middle ages.

I like how you lay the basis for the romance between Aline and her captor so early on, using subtle hints, like the way he watches her. They seem to have sparks flying right from the start. The way he teases her about the vegetable slicing, and how she begins to warm up to him.

The horse ride: I love how you build up the tension here with their 'forced' closeness and how he initially mistakes her ‘nerves’ for fear of horses.

The pendulum of how he goes from being quite nervous to very confident and then back again is quite endearing. His awkwardness and her reaction to it seems very natural. How she won’t make an effort on his behalf but lets him stumble to find something to talk about.

"Save me from soft hearted women!" Haha, indeed : )

I think the pacing of this chapter works well. I do like the characters, and it's clear there's a lot of thought into the backstory of Hugh and Stephen. I find myself agreeing with Aline; Stephen might have turned out the same with or without the accident, and I get the feling he uses it to make sure Hugh stays in line. Maybe. Anyway, again, just watch out for lengthy sentences where you might be able to drop an 'and' or something and split the sentence. [He took another, deep drink] doesn't need the comma. Could do with some scene breaks in places, especially where it changes from one day to the next. [Then today the duty lists were changed and here I am."] might flow just a little better as (The duty lists changed today) [All verses she recognised from her youth.] Hmmm...how did Hugh know exactly what she read in her youth? :P Might be me being really picky, but it just seems very coincidental. Maybe have her mention the specific title of one of the verses she used to read? I do like the book of poetry idea, however, and it shows a lovely side of Hugh. Good stuff.

Wow! Firstly, let me just say how impressed I am with how well written this is! Unfortunately, with stories of this genre, it takes a discouraging amount of sifting through to find something even readable, but you've done that and more! You have managed to write a female lead who is spirited, but not obnoxious and childish, and who is compassionate, but not dim-witted or helpless! The other characters are well-rounded and interesting as well. Your writing is fast paced, but not rushed, and suspenseful as well. So, congrats, and I can't wait to see how the story ends!

Well, I was expecting this-there was no way the High Lord could live very long after naming Stephen his heir. I wasn't expecting news of his death in this chapter-I liked that Stephen's preparations fooled even me into thinking that the blow would come later. Very nice bait-and-switch situation.

The one thing that I think you should rethink about this chapter, however, is the ease with which Aline tells Stephen about the defenses of her grandfather's castle and those who would oppose his power. I don't really respect her if the threat of no food and water and a dungeon make her immediately give up all the secrets he asks for-couldn't she lie? Or hold out for a couple days? She just doesn't seem to have much strength of will when it comes to protecting her country, rather than herself, which is disturbing in a High Lady.

Sorry; I am behind on all my reviews.

Wow! Tremendously exciting chapter! I love how Aline shows no mercy to the traitor; otherwise her men would not see her as a strong leader.

Your use of imagery, similes, metaphors, etc., has really grown throughout this story. Here are a few in this chapter that I love:

"...as she recalled the feeling of those arms holding her immobile as waves of pleasure carried her to the edge of delirium."

"...fatigued as if she'd been on horseback for hours." Good comparison! :)

"...the knowledge burned like a brand into her heart."

Their argument was very believable, as was their making up. I was really drawn in by their conversation, and the way they both compromised.

I wonder if a woman would announce giving herself in front of all those men, but then, she could hastily marry Hugh before war, too. I'll have to wait and see!

Great, great chapter! I read it holding my breath. Looking forward to more!

I like the introduction of the wolf. Even as an antagonist, the animal provides us with more information on the characters and their thoughts. Although, I didn't think that flailing was the right word to end with, a nice cliffhanger. I especially find myself liking Duncan; he's a calm to Sir Hugh.

[Sir Hugh! Aline's surprise must have shown plainly on her face because Duncan smiled at her expression.] You make reference to Aline's 'face' twice. You probably don't need 'at her expression'.

[Given the temper in which the captain had stormed off Aline was amazed at how unperturbed the two men seemed, and this further added to her confusion.] It could use a coma between 'stormed off' and 'Aline'. The last bit doesn't seem to fit either; it would word as it's own sentence 'This further added to her confusion'.

[But then when everyone had given up hope his aunt gave birth to Stephen and Hugh lost his position.] The 'then when' lost me; I had to go back. I think that you can just remove 'then' and it would make more sense. Or, simply add a coma after 'then' and after 'hope'. Both methods clear it up.

[Jack finished preparing dinner and buried the pot in the fire, then found the blankets and bedrolls and laid them out near the fire to warm through.] You say 'fire' twice in the same phrase, which is repetitive. I would suggest switching one to 'flames'.

[I know that is no consolation to you, Lady Aline, I'm sure you would much rather a rescue party was heading this way.] After 'Lady Aline', the coma mushes things and doesn't sound good when you say it out loud. Perhaps add a semicolon in its place or 'as' after the coma.

~lazer

A nice, steady progression to the story. It's quite interesting, trying to follow along while still remembering Aline's being held against her will and they still ride horses. Meh, I just find that fun! You keep each character dynamic and different, all bringing new parts in as needed.

Although, I am surprised that Aline hasn't put up more of a fight. Perhaps it's just her character, but it seems odd that after just one attempt, she gave up. Oh well. I also noted a lack of comas in certain phrases and things came out a little run-on-y.

~lazer

I really do like how Aline continues to be defiant, no matter how hopeless or helpless her situation may appear to be. And Margaret's suggestion of her following her heart had me smile and cheering, because that's what I keep hoping will happen. I just know Hugh will be able to do something for her to free her - he just has to!

The way he reacts when she comes walking up with Stephen while Hugh and the other guards are training is just too cute. I wonder what Aline was thinking when seeing him standing there all sweaty with some of his clothes off. The way she keeps her eyes glued to the ground tells me she's doing her best not to swoon.

I really wish Hugh would have went through with his thoughts and stabbed Stephen right in the heart. The fact that he's thinking these things leads me to believe there's a gradual change in his character, that he's no longer starting to care about the tie he has to Stephen and merely wants to see him dead. His plans of escorting Aline back to her homeland and coming back to kill Stephen have me very excited - I really hope that's what he ends up doing. Better yet, I hope he kills Stephen even before then.

You do a great job making Stephen detestable. xD

Ah, so we see Stephen's plan in full fruition here at the end. Seeing Aline behave in such a way is really a shocker - I'd've loved to see what she would have done if she was in the same room as Stephen while reading that letter. I really do like how she starts to scream and throw objects around the room, not too sure how I feel about the mention of her nails drawing blood on her arms, though. You'd have to really put a lot of pressure into your nails to do that... and Aline doesn't really strike me as a woman who would find emotional release/relief through pain. Just a personal opinion, of course. :)

I'm looking evermore forward to Stephen's demise with every chapter!

really good story! Can't wait to read more

I love this story. Flat out, it's pretty cool. But, specifically, I love the plot. There so much intrigued as to whats going on, what will happen, who's going to show up next, that I'm just loving the whole bit. As well, the characters are extremely credible for the time periods you've set them in, so excellent job there.

However, I did note you significantly under use the coma. Many a place I noticed I had to reread sentences because it all mushed together. Try to go over longer bits just in case.

[Images of her grandfather and friends ran through her mind and she wept as she thought of their anguish at discovering her fate, her dreams haunted by the faces of the people she loved] this does have the comas needed but when you read it out loud, it makes little sense. I feel as this should be broken up into two bits, the first ending at 'discovering her fate' and warping the second one to be a complete phrase.

Just watch out for the little things and keep writing!

~lazer

Considering how controlling Stephen has been so far, I'm really surprised that Hugh was able to interact with Aline so freely in front of everyone, not to mention allowed to be the one to escort her to her room. I know Stephen isn't present, but surely it's still risky? And Hugh should be aware of that - and aware that any risks taken could affect Aline, too. It just seems odd that Stephen hasn't issued orders that it is only his men to escort her, or something along those lines. Basically, it just seems a little too convinent. Other than that, the only other thing I'd bring up is, again, a few of the sentences just seem too wordy, too long. Similar to what I've said before, so when editing, just look over the sentences; if the sentence will still make sense with a word dropped, then drop it. :)

- Favorite chapter thus far! Love seeing the action jump into play with all of this and you handled it so very well. IMO, it was worth the wait with everything that had to be built up. I'm also glad to see Hugh finally give Stephen exactly what he has coming.

- One thing I must compliment on is making Stephen such an unlikable bastard that having this finally happen is just golden!

- Excellent! Things are picking up once again, I'm happy! :D More so since after seeing her go along with things again for so long, I'm happy to see her fight back now and start showing that spark I liked about her earlier on. Also in bit of suspense just where things have been left off, going to read me one more chapter for today.

- One thing I am glad you do is develop out Hugh and Aline's relationship. It feels legitimate to me unlike some other things I've seen in the past, flows well, and I believe accomplished exactly what aiming for there.

- Here we go. Have tried to read this few other times, though just wasn't getting snagged in from earlier part. I don't think anything is bad there, I'm just really wanting some more excitement to everything.

- "Today I have no enthusiasm for destroying the life of an innocent creature," Hugh replied darkly, knowing full well that Stephen would understand his meaning.

Good line here I wish to highlight, more so since I do like Hugh trying to give message to Stephen there about things. Of course, Stephen still being Stephen I don't think is going to give a damn. Well, all depends if Hugh does whats necessary at this point.

- "I have something you desire," he breathed, "I have what you have been waiting for." He reached into his coat and pulled out a sheaf of papers. Aline's heart quickened: an answer from Leavingham! She reached out her hand for the documents but Stephen whipped them away. He leaned closer to Aline until she could feel his breath on her face.

"Ask me nicely," he murmured, licking his lips.

It's clear someone hasn't failed on their lessons on how to be a dick. -.- He reminds me of Caligula, more so being ruling power, clearly having tons of issues which get in the way, etc. Though, of course, he's not as bad as Caligula, though I don't think anyone wants to get that depraved.

Overall, earlier part is okay to me, but enjoyed later part more. Time to keep reading on!