Reviews for OLD Dare to Fall
LilMaria chapter 11 . 7/22/2011
It was really good! sorry for taking so long to review! :(

one little thing would be to definitely add more description, emotion and even detail. just little bits and pieces of those go a long way and do add into making your chapters longer. you definitely want to draw the reader in when there is a fight scene. you want them to imagine it happening right in front of them:)

that is all the old and wise Lina Marie has to say in regards to critique! pay attention to grammar, spelling...brush your teeth and do your HW? (;p idk)

Peace and Love

~marie
LilMaria chapter 9 . 6/11/2011
dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! that was adorable and that story was so sad! i felt myself tearing up a little bit which is odd cuz im normally not an emotional person!

great job! great chapter, as always! cant wait for the next one!

Peace and Love

~marie
LilMaria chapter 8 . 6/11/2011
really cute! great job! can't wait to read more!

Peace and Love

~marie
LilMaria chapter 6 . 5/29/2011
That was really good! Can't wait to read more! :)

Peace and Love

-marie
LilMaria chapter 3 . 5/29/2011
So I am assuming that his relationship with his father is not rainbows and smiles? :)haha

Good chapter, but you could have used more detail when it came to the dispute with his dad. Probably could have mentioned the extent of their relationship before you got into it.

None the less, great job, excellent chapter, awesome characterization and I found no typos...and if there were the chapter was so awsome I wasn't paying attention! :D

Peace and Love

-marie
LilMaria chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
Hey! Ok this was a pretty good start, good attention to detail and so on. Zanes character is someone that many people can relate to, which is really good. I like the contrast of zanes character and apollos character.

Pay a close attention to misplaced modifiers because they have a nasty habit of breaking a string of thought if that makes any sense...like they sound completely off from what you meant to say.

The dialouge is one of the best I've ever read and you kept character, which is good. Make sure that there's a consistency with that, it always helps to keep the story going!

All in all, good start! Can't wait to read more!

Peace and Love

-marie

P.S: nice cliffhanger at the end! :)