|Reviews for worlds through closed eyes|
| anaa-pixie chapter 2 . 1/19/2012
I have decided that I love your writing style. I think it is very unique!
| Deaths-Weeping-Angel chapter 2 . 11/2/2011
i really dont like ryder. good story though.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 8/18/2011
I felt like Katie was just a bit too whiny in a lot of this. Maybe it's just me, but whiny characters kind of grate on my nerves :P Saying that, the writing style was wonderful, like the first chapter. The first section confused me a bit; why are her co-workers so hostile towards her? Other than that, I do like the snapshot style, the way you show their changing relationship (again! :)) I do have to admit, the line with [I could never ruin you like this] kind of made me cringe; it just seems naive but then again, I do get the impression that Katie is quite naive. I really really liked the ending - it showed some great character development, and I like that she comes out stronger for leaving him. Great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 8/1/2011
I really, really like this. It was wonderfully written; the style worked brilliantly, and I think right from the start there's a connection with the characters. I like how you shows segments of their lives, the way they kind of grow closer and you do a great job at showing her emotions throughout and making the reader feel them, too. Wonderful stuff. I'll be back to read the second chapter soon.
| dust and glitter chapter 2 . 6/8/2011
This is absolutely beautiful- and welcome to fictionpress, aha. Seriously, this is filled with everything that is right with a story and I love the little phrases at the end of the paragraphs/sections in brackets. It is just so wonderful. I reeeeally need to see more of your work! Keep up the fantastic writing :)
| darklucia chapter 2 . 6/4/2011
I liked this a lot. I think the second part added a lot to Katie and Ryder's characters, but especially Ryder's. I do have some issues following the passage of time but at the same time it also feels like the type of memory-skipping process that my brain goes through. I think overall everything works out, both for the characters and what you were trying to convey.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 2 . 6/4/2011
I will admit that I had a bit of a hard time distinguishing dreams from the real events, but I'll take a crack at this nonetheless.
Hmm, I've never really read a story about a long distance relationship, and I think you played it out pretty well. YOu really got into showing us Katie's inner feelings and her struggle in whether or not to keep Ryder in her life.
Hmm, I'm not sure exactly if Katie's character got any better. She felt a little deflated with all her scenes in Six Flags, but that sacrifice at the end was pretty great. Now Ryder, I think he definitely grew with this chapter. We really got to see his flaws, I feel. Like, he kind of was the same Ryder, yet he really just changed. (Just as Katie said.) I'm glad Katie ended it...maybe then she could move on...or who knows? Maybe something will bring them back together.
If you don't mind, could you please return these reviews via The Second Life of The Murder? Thanks in advance and have a nice weekend. :)
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 1 . 6/4/2011
I can honestly say that I enjoyed your outshot. First off, your structure of beginning with when Katie and Ryder were little kids until present day really worked effectively, and did a wonderful job of showing us every dynamic to their relationship.
Now, for you characters. Katie was portrayed as pretty innocent, which I really liked. I mean, not every teenager has all the basic relationship experience in the world and it was nice to see Katie get to finally get hers. Even though this is a shorter piece, I could find myself identifying with her, like stuff with the Facebook status and whatnot. Ryder as well was well done. I liked his chivalry and just in general how sweet he was and I also liked how I didn't really think he was a perfect character, despite all this.
Your ending was kind of sad, but I suppose it is young love. I think I'll go and read your second chapter soon.
| Poisoned Twinkles chapter 2 . 6/4/2011
I didn't want to read anymore because it made me sad and I thought how helpless Katie seemed, but the tone of this chapter didn't seem as sad as the past one. In fact, I like how it ended because it felt as if there was a hopeful kind of closure.
I don't think I will ever enjoy reading these kinds of things, but I'm glad I did.
| Poisoned Twinkles chapter 1 . 6/4/2011
I felt how Katie's emotions were so powerful. I mean, I've never fallen in love before, so I don't know bad it would be to have a broken heart, but with Katie's descriptions and her thoughts, I felt such sadness, like a mixture of pity and annoyance at her character. Please don't be offended about my annoyance, because it only shows how well you've written the piece because it makes me too sad to read it.
It's great how you wound in the Church scenes as something important in the development of their relationship.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 2 . 6/3/2011
"It has been said that every girl who has been through high school will realize that there is a guy who is /the one/ but is hard to obtain"-Preach it, sistahs! No seriously. I had TWO of those at the same time. And they were BFFs. Saying it was bad is an understatement.
""Can I get you anything to eat, sir?" Katie tries again, knowing that, at least, Ryder isn't one of those guys who makes a sexual inneudo about everything that comes out of her mouth." HAHA Redd Moment. I know...I'm not supposed to laugh.
The structure of this story has considerably changed. When Katie's in her state of depression, I noticed the B) world gets much, much longer in length, since she sort of uses escapism with her fixation of Ryder. It's ironic how she's supposed to be cheery-in universe yet we see her depressed nature? Six Flags is supposed to be a happy place, too! Except I haven't been there in like fourteen years. Holy crap, I'm old, even though I'm not in my 20s yet.
So why are her co-workers such d-bags? *punches them all. Figuratively, of course. Except Daniel. I want to believe that that conversation was the start of something new and a way for Katie to move forward in life beyond Ryder. I want to ship them together! Can I? He sounds adorable and appreciative, the word "radiant" is such a huge compliment!
Interesting how Katie berates herself at one point for not being this "barbie doll" ironic that this review is coming from a relatively evil Barbie, whatever. Men have such high standards apparently and they live through that. But I think every woman meets at least one man's perfect standards, because there are guys who prefer Brunettes (like Flynn Rider, Rider!) and others who are chubby chasers...
The last part was a crowning moment of awesome, where she tells him off and walks away feeling at least a semblance of closure. Ryder's such a jerkass and I hope he regrets not going after this girl. Yeah, she's always going to have her first love and that sting isn't going to wane, but I like the triumphant ending. It was epic, to say the least and the fantasy reality is gone...for good!
| Silent Winter chapter 2 . 6/3/2011
WAAAAAHHHHHH! T.T The ending made me CRY! OMGosh, so saaaaad... Why, Ryder, WHY? I am graduating today and I am freakin' CRYING! lol, it's terrible.
Awww, thank you for the mention! I feel special now, lol. Yay!
I think I have said this before, but you are SO great at capturing emotion in your writing. It is simply incredible. My heart dips and rises with Katie's. That is TRUE power in writing! :D You are able to manipulate my emotions and walk through Katie's life and I LOVE IT! This story was so enjoyable to read and /very/ heartfelt.
Also, lol about the homeschooled thing. I went to a charter and I get a lot of comments like that. ZOMG! No traditional school for yous! Nuuuuh, and somehow we turn out just fine in society. Could it BE that this works? lol. But yeah, it is really annoying when people call that your defining trait. Poor Katie! I feel her pain.
"As she walks through the security booth on her way to clock in for her shift she eyes her broken, cracked nails ruefully. " - This sentence has a lot of pronouns. I realize you don't want to say her name just yet, but I wear reading glasses and I had to close one eye because it was so dense.
Although I tried to look for structure and grammar later on, I just got lost in the emotion of it all so this is the only suggestion in that department that you get, lol.
The scene where Ryder orders the nachos is freakin' INTENSE! That sounds funny to say but I think you now what I mean, lol. As Katie was gripping the cash register, so was I gripping my laptop.
In other news, 'Happiness' by The Fray just came up on my playlist. Waaaahhhh! T.T
At the end of your sections, I love you poignant statements. It really ties the fragments of this story together and makes them powerful, sad, and rich. I am just blown away by this story. There is so much power and emotion.
Towards the end, I really thought that Katie and Ryder would be together. I was happy for a moment, and SUPER DUPER happy that Katie wouldn't have sex with Ryder! YAY! :D Way to go on that one. I liked how she did it for the Lord, and for Ryder, thinking of how broken he would be if they had sex. Awww...
Hmmm, I am wondering if there will ever be anything with Daniel? Or if he is just a friend? Either way, it is a cute relationship.
The ending just... gah. D: It pushed me over the edge. I was sobbing. Katie... This journey has been so hard for her. And then to spill her heart only to have someone say "uh, okay." OMGOSH! That is terrible. WHY does love have to hurt so much? But you were right when you said that it is well worth it.
Well, I am just going to grab a box of tissues and go cry as I get ready, lol.
Lots and lots of prayers coming your way.
Can't wait to see another update from you soon.
| seredemia chapter 2 . 6/3/2011
I love Katie's determination that she can still survive without Ryder. She's still very hurt, but at least she's trying to live a life. Makes me kinda wish that Ryder will come back and beg for forgiveness, but she'll just walk away...
As sweet as Ryder is, I can't help but dislike him. I wish Katie would just stop loving him. Of course, thats hard though... But I have a feeling she deserves better...
YAY. (I just read the ending) She left him! Yes! That certainly made her a strong character, and I love the ending line!
| seredemia chapter 1 . 6/3/2011
Oh wow, that was amazing! I just loved the simplicity of your sentences, and yet they still had that poeticness about them. The dialogue and the characters are great too, and I loved the innocence of love at the start! I loved the brackets too! GWAH.
Loved it when the chapter progressed, and the time passes as they grow older. its like the innocence in their relationship is fading and is being replaced by bitterness.
Overall, this was a beautiful start to a story!
| fivelfleurhavens chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
I love this, I really do. I like how you skipped through time a little bit in the beginning. It shows the readers the relationship between Ryder and Katie when they were just children. Then I liked how you explored Katie's jealous/hopeless side when Ryder was talking to Samantha. Really nice work. :)
P.S. You know, when I saw Ryder has red hair and blue eyes, I instantly thought of a Weasley. :p