Reviews for Daughters of Darkness: Red
Kommissar chapter 1 . 4/5/2013
[I woke with my head on his chest, tangled up in the sheets and his body. It was almost comfortable until I started thinking. He was cold and he was limp and he was heavy as I untangled myself and nearly fell out of the bed.]

Starting with the character waking up is pretty cliché.

If he’s heavy and limp and cold…wouldn’t she realize something’s wrong?

["What kind of problem, Zack?" I demanded. Zack gave a dramatic sigh that had me rolling my eyes but relaxing. Couldn't be that bad if he thought he had time to be all dramatic. "Zack?"]

Dialogue tags weaken the narrative. It’s better to use ‘said’ in most cases.

I think she’s projecting here.


As opposed to just ‘vampires’?

Regardless, this is kind of a generic opening. It just feels like its introducing characters without really spending much time on why readers should care. The chapter's too short and it just ends.
SinsofMidnight chapter 1 . 6/15/2011
OOO! Tell me more about this Zack... I could be in love! Again! XD

Kincaid and Dante must be good lol

And I'll remind Dante to get the gun next time. Yep, that's right! Kist is gonna sneak into your story and remind her!
ThirteenImperial chapter 1 . 6/8/2011
Quiet a good start here, but like many stories, they need more description! On your next chapter, see what you can do with it description wise, but don't blabber, set the scene with metaphors and alliteration and whatnot. I'm also not that keen on the use of 'Vampyrs' but I'll roll with it.
Vampireacademyrox chapter 3 . 6/3/2011
love it plz ud soon XD
JessicaLynn109 chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
Its good so far but i have one question. Isn't "vampyres" actually spelled "vampires"? That's just how i usually spell it.