|Reviews for In The Silence|
| Deaths-Weeping-Angel chapter 1 . 11/2/2011
I love it so good.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
I liked the line 'In the pad of a single fingertip,' because it is such a small area on someone's body but you make it seem like a huge entity that can hold a lot.
I really liked that the human body was put into many contexts, such as the fingertip, or the footprints in the sand because it gave a lot of vivid imagery and explored the entire body.
I didn't like the lack of structure because it was hard to read in places. I think the poem would have looked clearer and cleaner if it was in stanzas. (But that is personal preference)
Overall good work. :D
| philosophyfriend chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
Pretty cool poem. I like the irony of the piece- that music is found in natural occurances in life, rather than the obvious and intentional sounds that people make. I like the irony, because it makes the reader think what *is* music really? There are so many harmonies, rhythms, and melodies in everything, that people tend to forget.
I guess the only thing is, I didn't get the message that silence is music until the last few stanzas. This can cause the reader to feel lost somewhat when initially reading it. I know you mentioned *absence* of music; maybe you can replace it with silence, or italicize absence.
Overall good job!
| Thoughtful Silence chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
I really liked this. The rhyme scheme here is simple, but it works. Only in the lines ‘In the darkness found quite scary,’ and ‘In the moment when on his shoulder falls her head’ does it feel like you’ve forced the poem to adhere to the rhyming structure, which is impressive. There is a reason one will find only 1 or 2 rhyming poems to 10 ones which don’t, on FP.
I liked the repetition of ‘in’, whether it be starting the sentence or within it. It really emphasises the final line – a great one by the way.
‘Twisting meaning – halting fate’ – Personal preference, but I think a semi-colon separating this line would be a little bit more effective. It’s still a nice line though.
Again, just a personal thing rather than anything actually wrong, but I’d separate the last two lines into its own stanza. I think it would stunt the flow of the rest of the poem, giving more power to the final line... then again, I think it does also work very well as it is.