|Reviews for The Angel Waiting at Hell's Gate|
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 2 . 8/8/2011
Heya there. Me again. :) Well sorry for not reviewing earlier. Got a trip to Malaysia just last weekend until yesterday. Anyway, I'll have to say that this chapter is a very well done one. In fact I do see it as a marked improvement from the previous one. For starters, you've done extremely well in highlighting Oskar's pain and anguish. Truth to be spoken I won't be surprised if there would be people who will brand him as an emo, but seriously I don't see that this is the case. Firstly yes he act like an emo on the first glance, but given the very nature of the trauma, I wouldn't see things this way. Of course he has this "woe is me!" kind of mentality here, but yet you did a very good job in portraying his own escape from reality. Last time round, I don't think emos should be seen this way. :D Truth to be spoken you've done a very good job on his character so fast down the road. It's like only the second chapter, but yet you've managed to capture the focal point of his persona here. In fact via what you've done here, I do believe that you've managed to create the is-he-is-he-not kind of characterizing. Simply put, I truly doubt anybody would have any idea on whether he's truly insane or not. This is a very good job you've done here. In fact via the contrast with the other characters' persona, you've managed to make Oskar's pain truly shone through.
If there's anything I can suggest in improving, it will be the fact that I felt you could have done more to highlight Marte and Florian's character. It's like unlike Oskar and Lucine, their persona wasn't really that well defined due to the very fact that you didn't put in much emotions in them during the talk with Oskar. Of course if they're not important, I can just let it slide. But yet if the case is the direct opposite, I actually feel that by creating a more visible show of reactions like more body language and emotional outbursts, things could and would have been so much more better. It's like knowing a person's trauma, but yet not really having the knowledge on his character on a relativity basis.
And just some comments on Lucine. Truth to be spoken you've done extremely well in creating the whole "hurting wife and mother" persona. It really show via the presence of her children. But yet I feel that while you've done enough to show her brittle side as a mother, I can't say the same when it comes to her identity as a wife. Frankly speaking I actually think that you should have done some exploration on her feelings towards Oskar. It's like hearing only one side of the story in any random tabloids across any country seriously. The balance of persona focus here is really lopsided so as to speak. Okay I think I've said enough here now. To be honest I'm truly shocked that just by posting two areas of comments can eat up so much space here. :)
P.S: Why is it that I'm having the feeling that you will be using the Book of Job as the basis for the plot? -.-
| Luridpretty chapter 1 . 7/25/2011
I'm really impressed with your ability to render such sadness; you made me miss Julia almost as much as Oskar did, haha. You were also very talented at portraying the sadness of a parent who has lost a child. I do believe that she will play a part in the story, at least in flashbacks and such. :p
| xRayne wolfx chapter 2 . 7/24/2011
This was a emotional chapter, Orskar is griving in a ver dark way. I loved the characterization.. This was a good chapter :) keep it up
| Rosemarysgraden001 chapter 4 . 7/8/2011
That was a really good chapter. I like the way you describe oskar's insanity. Also I can't wait for Hitler to make an appearance. I felt bad for the old man, he was an old man! They at least could have beat up a young man.I liked the descriptions of the room too.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 4 . 7/7/2011
Jeez, this was really long, but I did have fun reading it.
Just on a first note, Oskar's rant about clothing American orphans made me laugh. I'm not exactly sure why, but it was funny. Maybe because my mom rants about how Americans should be giving stuff like clothing to American orphans, not foreign ones. XD
That scene with Julia's ghost in the first part was both sad, happy?, and eerie. Very nice job. Oh Oskie, you're insane with grief. Just accept it.
I enjoyed your addition of Lucine's little doubt with why she married Oskar. It's nice to see Oskar under a critic's eye and it makes Lucine a bit more...independent thinking? I think that's the word.
Oskar sure got a lot of characterization in this chapter. :) We get to see his insane-happy side, his still curt side with Lucine and his mother, his compassion with the Jewish man, and...I think that's it. Oh, and with Matthias. He died from AIDS, didn't he? I feel like I remember that.
For that weekend question, I'd go with Oskar and Lucine. :D Oskar PD, well...I imagine him as kind of tall and skinny (like the weak kind) with a ... hmm not good looking face, just...pleasant i guess, like where it's not like he's ugly or anything...anyway, I imagine him as dirty blond with a shorter haircut, some facial hair but not much, and blue eyes. I imagine Lucine as being undramatically beautiful with light brown hair.
Woo, reviews returned. :D Update soon!
| Caus chapter 1 . 6/30/2011
You're really good at characterization. Everything is nicely structured and said.
I see the characters as real people. Especially Dr. Keller.
Keep up the good work.
| Deedee Elle chapter 1 . 6/27/2011
Hi from the Roadhouse.
Wow, that really was a rollercoaster opening. At first I found the one or two line sentence structure odd as it seemed very disjointed and not how I'd imagine someone writing a diary which is usually done in much longer paragraphs. Then when he gets onto talking about Julia dying that makes a lot more sense. The description of her dying was gut-wrenching to read.
One small point - it should be 'die is cast' or 'dice are cast' as die is singular.
I really, well, enjoyed is probably not the right word, but I did enjoy reading this.
| megger chapter 2 . 6/26/2011
"If anyone had walked in at that moment, it would've looked like something from a pre-Raphaelite painting, the distraught yet immortally strong mother crying into the bed covers, with her surviving eldest child kissing her forehead above her, burying her face into her mother's soft, downy hair , and her eldest son wrapping his arms around his mother. The mother was being comforted by her children. And for all those fifteen minutes whilst Lucine grieved, she still kept her arms firmly draped around her children, holding them tightly to her. The children were being comforted by their mother." Loved the imagery here, very well done.
Since it's kind of late, for me at least, I didn't really check your grammar. However, nothing really stood out for me besides the whole run-on sentence thing I told you about in my last review.
I like it so far. a little more information is given. I would suggest putting in like four days later or something at the beginning, not just in your AN. Mainly because I get lazy and just completely skip AN's sometimes and I was a little confused until I had to read the AN. Or maybe that's what you were going for.
Oskar's a jackass and I don't feel any sadness for him. I get what he's going through, but what kind of asshole sends a messenger to tell his wife that their child died instead of doing it himself? I totally get his reasoning and his grief has screwed his reasoning, but still. It was a jackass thing to do.
Good chapter in regards to keeping the ball rolling. It was nicely paced and I enjoyed the sombre and depressing tone that continues through. Good job!
| megger chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
"It's sleeting outside now[;] I can see the droplets on the window pane."
"If I peer close enough, I can also see small, helpless snowflakes pasted to the glass, slowly melting as the heat from the warm, cosy inside pane collided and overtook the cold, slower air from the outside." Technically this isn't a run on sentence as it does have commas, but it's a long sentence nevertheless. I suggest you break it up or perhaps a semi colon?
"I felt the warm[th] leave her skin,"
"I watched the light leave her eyes, I felt the warm leave her skin, I smelt her sweet scent disappear, yet desperately linger on the contours of her skin, I heard her final breath escape her lips, I tasted the bitter pain of loss as I sensed her body give out one last heave and her liberated soul passed through mine." This is another really long sentence.
"because she never though herself in it." though herself? I think you may have forgotten a word or something.
Found a few grammatical errors. You tend to write a lot of run on sentences that are just scrapped together with commas. It's not bad, but it's something that gets on my nerves, personally. I don't know if anyone else feels that way and if not, then you can just disregard it.
Onto the actual plot and everything, it was alright. I didn't really understand what was going on. I get that his daughter just died and he's sad- and the feelings you described and the questions you asked were nicely placed- I felt like it was kind of missing something. Just like a bit more information. Not so much that you give the whole story away, but just a bit more information about either the daughter or the grieving father would have sufficed. But perhaps that will be addressed in the next chapter.
| xRayne wolfx chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
Holy damn this version is deep, more angst-like for Oskar. I loved it, you're doing a good job so far in your rewrite :) can't wait to read more.
| Rosemarysgraden001 chapter 3 . 6/26/2011
Lovely work, you could really feel the pain of Oskar. I liked the Julia speaking to him was epic. The burning of the books was very sad as well. I liked that chapter was very informational for a first time reader. I do wonder what the other children think and what will come of it all.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 3 . 6/24/2011
Hmm, I think I liked this version a bit better. I think it was the book burning. Truly, it was a deep scene. Look at me, a Jew, and I feel a loss when they burned the Bible. I mean, wow, being a book lover, I don't know what I would've done during that time.
Really, I did love each scene in this chapter. The one with Oskar in the house and attic was very...hmm, I don't know how to describe it. It just showed him well, showed truly how introverted he was. Very nice. Then with the grave scene, ugh, Oskie, spot being so stubborn! The fact taht I'm annoyed with him is very good seeing as it shows that Oskar is a 3-D character.
As well, I loved the scene with him and Julia's "ghost". I still feel really bad for him and the way he's been dealt to deal with his daughter's death. In a story I wrote, a character became insane from grief and I think that it would jsut be such a sad and lonely way to deal with death. Like, no one really can feel for you.
Excellent job and if you get a chance, Tailored got updated too if you want to take a look.
| xHopeless Romanticx chapter 2 . 6/9/2011
It just gets better and better! The difference between Oskar and his wife is very shocking. He had abandoned God, while for Lucine, God is what is getting her through it. It would be good for Oskar to meet Lucine, I think. Or at least his other children.
I wonder what the Nazis want with Oskar. The plot is very interesting and twisted already. This is an extremely amazing story.
I can't wait for more! 3
| xHopeless Romanticx chapter 1 . 6/9/2011
OH MY GOSH! This was so absolutely beautiful! I loved the sort of clipped sentences, they added a great sort of dramatic feel!
I liked how Oskar was written, the character is very interesting. You could really feel his emotions- the despair, the tragedy.
So tragic. I'm hooked. Imma gonna read the second chaptah now. :)
PS: Thanks for reviewing me.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 6/8/2011
Ergh I've been such a mega fail for not getting back at you earlier. iirc I've been bombed by my current job and it's only like a couple of days before that I actually tried to get back into reviewing on this site. -.- Anyway I'll have to say that this work is far better than Jack's London. In fact from the little I've remembered on The Lone Wolf, I would say that by far this is still your best work yet. tbh after going through your works all the while as you've known by now, your grasp on the character front has been steadily improving. I'd like to think that I've played a part due to my obsession with characterizing in my reviews, but I know that I'll be a delusional moron if I really feel this way. So yes kudos to you for stepping up your game. It's your credit and no one else. :)
Okay I know I've gone crazy in the praising, so I guess I should jump straight into the plot now. Firstly I can really feel the impact of your main character. His views on religion was quite obviously cynical, but yet it's not that kind of OMG I HATE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE UP THERE IN THE SKIES! kind of anger. Rather the emotions are much more subtle and refined. It's like seeing a gentleman's derision towards the concept of a higher power.
Also if I'm not wrong, you've also created a very visible form of abstract belief on spirituality from the main character's views as well. This is also another proof of vast improvement especially since not everybody can do his/her own abstract logic within the plot.
And yes the emotions of loss is also very detailed and what's the best deal would be the fact that you've somehow managed to show a moral dilemma via this means at the very end. Judging from what I've seen so far, I believe that the moral front would be an integral, if not the focal part of the story.
If there's anything I can suggest in improving, my personal take would be the question of whether you can actually play up the religion card from what Oskar has seen in his country on the whole rather than wholly about himself. If there's anything that history has taught us especially in terms of Islam and Christian history, it would be the cast iron fact that religion will always play a relevant part on any country's social and political culture especially given the era of this story. Given that religion has played an obvious role in the Nazi propaganda, it won't be that surprising that Germany at that time was predominantly Christian. And yes the fact that Martin Luther was a German pretty much cemented that possibility. In fact Hitler's subject of persecution has never just been about the Jews. Everybody considered as so-called the non-Aryans are included in the firing line as well. Only thing is that the current generation only know about the Jews, That's all. Wow I've typed a big ass review here. That must have mean that I don't have any life. Or maybe this might the my last blaze glory type of review since I gonna sleep soon. :D
-From the Roadhouse. :)