Reviews for Courage and Fear
Sharbien chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
This is just a suggestion, but...

"It was the beginnings of dusk when two champions rode for battle. One was Arron, protector of the people. He rode a white mare. In his left hand he bore a silver shield with a red fist at its center. The shields name was Honor, and Arron carried it with much respect. In his right, Arron wielded Courage his sword. It was a blade of majesty, long and powerful, but it was a heavy thing, one had to bear much strength to carry it."

Fables and older stories love repetition, because it makes them easier to memorize. So, structure might be a little better like this:

"It was the beginnings of dusk when two champions rode for battle. The first was Arron, protector of the people. He rode a white mare. In his left hand he bore a gleaming silver shield, with a red fist at its center. The shield's name was Honor, and Arron carried it with much respect. In his right hand he bore a sword, a heavy blade of great majesty. The sword's name was Courage, and Arron carried it with much strength."

Then, rather than simply describing Vyrin, do it in the same format:

"The second was Vyrin, and none ever cheered him. He rode a black stallion. Across his back, a tattered grey cape..."

Etc, etc. You get the idea. Otherwise, an enjoyable read, with only a few errors here and there. The last paragraph is great. It's diminished somewhat by a few mistakes ("whether you a girl fearing her wedding day" - should probably be 'whether you be a girl fearing' or 'whether you are a girl fearing'?) but still quite good.

Hopefully that was helpful. _