|Reviews for Break of Dawn|
| natanna chapter 39 . 8/21/2011
Dropping by to say hello!
I just caught up with the story after a long time away.:)
| Chris V chapter 11 . 8/9/2011
Wow, awesome awesome awesome. Prologue ending? 11 chapters? Then that means there are MORE CHAPTERS! WHOO HOO!
| Chris V chapter 2 . 8/8/2011
As usual the writing was very well done. I am excited to see where this story will go. I definitely appreciate the level of introspection as well, dialogue seems a little sparse but hey it's chapter one. You write so descriptively it adds a wholesome blend of dimensions to the story.
| Chris chapter 1 . 8/8/2011
Wow, I am very very impressed by this opening chapter! It was beautifully written, sincere, eloquent, vivid and magical! It was exactly what I was looking for in a fic! I spend a lot of time reading stories I just don't like because I know eventually I will stumble upon one like this. I couldn't tell you what you need to improve upon and if there were any typos I didn't notice them.
| Lorran chapter 1 . 8/8/2011
I've just read your prologue and I am intrigued by this story. the way you write is both unique and beautiful and i look forward to reading the rest! Well Done!
| SJR chapter 2 . 8/8/2011
This flows beautifully. I cannot wait to read more :)xx
| Matthew JD Evans chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Wonderful work so far. your way of writing is strange to me yet it works far better than anything ive seen thus far.
Again well done and keep up the good work off to read more :)
Ps. if you find the time could you read something of mine i would love to know what you think. thanks.
| Panchaali chapter 1 . 7/13/2011
a very good beginning... i will read the story till the end. continue...
| Jax Creation chapter 11 . 7/3/2011
I really like what I'm reading! It's rare for me to sit down and read more than a chapter or two at a time but the plot was too good for me to quit. Now seems like a good time to stop and get some sleep XD
The plot, as I said earlier, was really captivating. You've opened up so many questions that I want to find the answers to (but will for the most part keep to myself because they'll probably be answered in the story).
Jewell is my favourite character so far, possibly because he fits the whole tortured hero type really well. He seems really stubborn, honest and uncomplicated. The whole marked by the mermaid thing is very interesting, I'm excited to see what kind of effect it will have on the plot.
Steffen has been nicely characterised as well, but Jewell is more kick-ass.
Nikolai is interesting as well, but there wasn't enough of him for me to really gauge his character.
My only criticism is that it feel a little rushed at the start. There was no real intro before you rushed into the action and the pace never slowed down enough to allow to incorporate more of the setting to paint a better picture of your world. I think you could have afforded to give a little more description in terms of setting before getting to the war between sun and moon clans as it was somewhat difficult trying to work out where things were in relation to each other. But it is only a minor personal thing so feel free to ignore me.
Also I feel like up to this point should really have a "part one" label on it since it wraps up so nicely.
Absolutely loved what I've read so far, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest another time!
| Jax Creation chapter 1 . 7/2/2011
This is, quite simply, wonderful work. You have a beautifully eloquent writing style and real knack for creating imagery (quite envious because I'm terrible with descriptions). I've only read the prologue but I feel that this will be an amazing world.
I look forward to reading more soon!
| Kodey Bruno chapter 4 . 7/2/2011
Excellent writing once again. I' am really starting to like Nikolai. He seems like an immensely cool character. Although when I read his dialouge I always think of Nikolai from Zombies saying it in his hysterical accent XD. I have a lot of questions though. Why do the Council want to kill the Moon Child so bad? Is it a disagreement over how magic should be used or is the Council just corrupt and seeks to elimnate a rival power? Exactly what can magic do? You've stated healing and protection but what else does it do? And how does someone else use magic without the moon or sun powering it? Sorry if I'am asking too much but I'm curious. Oh if the sun child dies and the barriers come crashing down, what happens if the moon child dies? If their are severe consequences for Steffen's death, I'd imagine Arabella's death would be as disastorious as well.
| Kodey Bruno chapter 2 . 7/2/2011
Well having read this and the first chapter I find your story rather interesting. I do have a question though. If the moon clan are an important faction/family shouldn't their name be capitalized? I'd just thought I point that out. Other then that it's good. I' am also liking the Russian style naming for the characters. Does that mean the culture of this land is based off of that of Russia?
| Petemidnight13 chapter 24 . 7/2/2011
Wow, ultimate cliffhanger. Like the story, it's good.
| Chocomint3 chapter 21 . 6/23/2011
Hey, is updating every day the norm for you? If so, you're a very fast writer/updater.
Looking forward to the next chapter! )
| Chocomint3 chapter 20 . 6/22/2011
I think this story is pretty good, but I am sort of uncomfortable with the fact that the main character changed to Callie (from the prologue to the main story.) Also, I believe the action started a bit too soon after Callie's introduction. You have a wonderful, awesome writing style, though. And I absolutely love the world you created! But the characters don't seem to have much personality (or maybe that's just a vibe I was getting; I'm not so good at conveying one's personality or seeing one's personality,) no offense intended. I would love to know more about the characters' personalities -not the word I'm looking for but alright...- and I was wondering if you were planning on having pairings for all of them? Like Callie and Nikolai, Jewell and Mari? I'm pretty sure you hinted at those (but I see romance in the smallest things... So I could be wrong.) Personally though, I thought Nikolai would go well with Jewell's sis. :( Maybe Callie is her reincarnated (farfetched, I know) :D
No offense meant, but this has been bothering me ever since Callie entered the story . . . All the guys are handome and kind (excepting Jewell) and they would do a lot to protect Callie, who happens to be helpless. So, isn't Callie, in essence, a stereotypical weakling girl who's bordering on Marysue? Ok, maybe that's a bit too much, but she reminds me of that orange haired girl in Bleach with the unique godly powers, Orihime. You can probably tell that I'm not exactly a fan. Yeah... Please don't take offense; I really like your story and I believe that you're a spectacular writer!
I'm a pretty harsh critque (actually I don't think I'm a critique; the better word is probably biased fan) and I suck at not offending people, so maybe I should just lay off and not critique at all, but I really feel that this story is worth it and will go somewhere. -.- gosh, I feel so formal. Apologies for the long review filled with not helpful complaints about your awesome story. I'll try to be more specific next time, unless you don't want a next time. :( I would understand.
PM me or something; I have an user (Chocomint3, who would've guessed?) but I typed this before logging in and if I log in now my review will disappear, so yeah. Heheh. Can't wait to hear what happened to Mari and (I'm guessing) the merpeople and all! Hopefully Callie will find out more about her dormant power too!
Ciao4now and update soon please!