|Reviews for Disenchanted|
| SMFD27A chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
You write Zoe, Brak, Raine, and Mizzy; I see Bethany, Ethan, (rolls eyes) Taylor Swift (rolls eyes again), and Naomi.
I love the name and especially the spelling of Raine! Oh, and I looked up “Near perfection in describing a character” in the dictionary and the paragraph about Raine was there. Loved it.
I’m very simple minded, I do not get the “paradoxical” paragraph. Please explain.
Another thing that my simple mind didn’t get was how you drop someone who is hovering? Couldn’t he just push her since she was hovering, why was it so hard to move her?
I think the “she” in the “But hope remained” paragraph near the end of the story should be deleted, maybe.
Rushed it relative, and since you said you would take my/our word for it…it is good!
| Frap chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
Well I really enjoyed this. If you were trying to write this for a story challenge than you've got a great start and hold. Course I don't know what the others have but, anyway.
I like the character names and the whole mystical feel. I think you gave us enough that we could think of what they really are - witches, warlock, fairy, or wizards. For the most part it is vague what the curse between Zoe and Brak is other than they are the only ones their age that have magic and are powerful in a way, so I understood the curses meaning for the siblings to be just that.
Then we we meet Raine it is obvious that she would be a distraction do to her looks, which you described very well, and her demeanor. You have a skillful way of writing and your words are poetic so I think you could have give us a tad bit more showing.
I know when they had the argument at the river, the anger could've been played up just another notch with some sort of reaction from Brak and Raine. Some how you need to also give us a better description of what happened to them. Were they being strangled or squeezed or is it just for us to figure out?
I know Raine was trapped in a spell but how she got trapped was sort of weak other than Brak stopping Zoe from killing them. Maybe if something was happening to her body or it was changing, I don't know, it just felt like you left off some 'umph' there.
Now the ending could've been a lot more showing also like in the beginning of your story. You did an excellent job or showing Brak's comittment to his friend, but you sort of threw Zoe back in there. Maybe some dialogue would pull that together better.
Overall this was really enjoyable and I hope you will continue it. I want to know if the towns folks want the girl released and how will they snap her out of it. Please don't tell me thie is a one-shot. I'd be so upset...**Sniff**
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| Avra-Sha Faohla chapter 1 . 5/30/2011
Lovely, lovely, lovely! Truly captivating. And I ADORE your description of Raine.
One suggestion: "She hovered like a cloud over the bed" is kind of sudden. Before she was being carried by Brak across the ground, now she's over a bed? As a reader I had a moment of confusion, so I'd suggest changing that. Otherwise, no complaints! An extremely enjoyable story. Thank you for writing this!
| Kit chapter 1 . 5/30/2011
I wish you would stop writing. It's making me feel bad for not writing.
| Kristina Suko chapter 1 . 5/29/2011
It does feel a little bit rushed. Just like... it would be nice to see more insight into Zoe and Brak's relationship, and then Raine's effect on all of them before the curse happens. But I LOVE the idea of this! It's amazing. SO good.