|Reviews for The 365 Days In Hell|
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
manipulating brats who got peas for a brain and who shops like no tomorrow.(Extracted from the first paragraph)
It doesn't seem right.
Try: maniupulating breats who have peas for brains and shop agressively.
Try to make your main character sound more.. masculine. Whilst reading this, I would assume without knowing the kids name that he was indeed a female.
Some other mistakes, but nothing major
| skippy2010 chapter 10 . 11/15/2011
Wow its been a while. Glad you updated though I understand the stresses of college. I have to say i was surprised I thought she was going to be scared on the Ferris wheel. I was glad it was a happy memory for her Josie needs some of those. I have to say I am excited for the dance I was hoping Nate and Jose would go together. and yay they are starting to kind of get along! I am loving it can't wait for more!
| CookieMyLove chapter 4 . 10/2/2011
Ooh, now we're getting somewhere ;) Now, at least for Nate, it's not stuck in the "Forever locked in hating each other no matter what." I mean, as a psychologist I read about once said, "What we do is the ultimate test of who we are." and right now, Nate's actions are telling me as the reader that he has some sort of feelings for Josie. After all, one protects the things that he or she cares about :)
| CookieMyLove chapter 3 . 10/2/2011
They are SO nice to each other! :O
It seems as if they're both immature. Josie won't let go of something that happened a long time ago and Nathaniel blames her for the fact they don't get along. Someone needs to tell him it takes two to tango! It sounds like an infantile case of, "She started it!" or "He started it!" They need to talk out their differences without the insults :P
| CookieMyLove chapter 2 . 10/1/2011
I like the idea of this story, I really do. So far, getting a taste of both points of view, one wonders who's babysitting whom. :)They're both keeping an eye on each other, watching for who makes the next move to act accordingly. Excellent job at clearly conveying the tension and long-standing frustration. There's just a couple issues I have with this chapter. Firstly, you're switching tenses throughout. Just something that takes practice to fix, I have trouble with it as well. Another thing is that it's a bit confusing as far as who's who. I got a little lost there figuring out what was going on. I'll admit it may be an error on my part though.
One last thing, there's too much concentrated information. Spread out the info, or even cut it out and merely hint at it. Just a suggestion, and I no doubt need to work on this too, but let the reader figure out some things on their own. Don't give them every little detail about the character. I know I said last chapter there was too much dialogue and not enough of everything else, but here I feel it's the opposite. There's some info you just give me that I could have figured out from a description of her body language or something she says.
| skippy2010 chapter 9 . 7/17/2011
So good but you just had to end it there didn't you? lol J/k I like Kevin I think he is a nice guy! I think he would make a nice love interest for Josie to get Nate and her to realize their feelings. can't wait for the next chapter! Your avid reader skippy2010!
| skippy2010 chapter 8 . 7/8/2011
I loved it the plot thickens! lol but am starting to get very curious about what happened with the grandfather. are we going to find out soon or do we have to wait awhile?
| CookieMyLove chapter 1 . 7/8/2011
Hello, it's me :) I saw this summary in the thread and decided I'd review this one.
So I read it and it's great. Easy to read, and no confusing parts at all. You really jumped right into the story. I like that. You didn't stall or put unnecessary things before getting down to it, it definitely earns some points in my book! Also, the character is relate-able even though I'm not a guy or woman-hater! That shows skill on your part. The story itself was entertaining, it actually made me laugh at a couple points. The characters were believable and realistic and you showed well how the three friends interact. I really liked the ending, it made me want to read more.
But, there were a couple grammatical errors. You might want to reread over this chapter. Minor things, "has" when it should be "have", things like that. Still, it doesn't speak well about your writing, you have to proofread carefully. Also, I felt there was a little too much dialogue and not enough of his thoughts or voice. None of the dialogue is pointless exactly, and that's good, but I feel like some of it was holding back his character. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not sure how to explain it. I need better words ."
But besides those things, an enjoyable read! :)
| skippy2010 chapter 7 . 6/23/2011
Loved this chapter and yes Nate was harsh but it fit with his character he took a hit to his ego and so he had to hit Josie's back. I liked the way you had Nate get her to stay! great job can't wait for the next chapter!
| Ivix chapter 7 . 6/21/2011
Great chapterr.. And Nate is just mean..really mean. i wouldn't forgive him for saying those things to me and would certanly go away to live him with the guilt XD but that's not my story
haha hope you update soon p
| Ivix chapter 6 . 6/20/2011
yup, I enjoyed the chapter. I just thought she was gonna put a little more resistence to the makeover thing.. but good anyway.
It would be great it she went to the party as Sadako haha
| Carmel March chapter 5 . 6/19/2011
Exceptional chapter! And no, I don't think Nate sounds too much like a girl. It's hard to write a guy's POV when you're not...well...a guy. But you've done a really good job with it!
Hope to read more soon!
| partialtodifference chapter 5 . 6/18/2011
I like it! I don't think Nate "sounds" like a girl... he;s a boy who is falling in love... he's about to be feeling like that...
Will be waiting for your update!
| Carmel March chapter 4 . 6/7/2011
Ah poor Josie! Great chapter!
Don't worry about how long it takes you to update - I'll definitely still be reading no matter what :)
| Ivix chapter 4 . 6/6/2011
Loved the story, but.. she need to do her revenge, come on. a prank or whatever p