|Reviews for Minor Talent Edited|
| Ginger2526 chapter 11 . 8/6/2011
I love Dai he's just too adorable. I'm a little disappointed though, I was hoping for more Dai and Hazel moments in this re write. I love how you go into background detail and it's not just dialogue anymore. Also I reread the old version the other day and I have a question. Will you ever explain why lucy wasn't on her honeymoon yet?
| Justina chapter 11 . 8/5/2011
Great Chapter! I loved it and obviously can't wait for more! I'm really hoping Hazel gets to meet Dai's family! please! eeerg! keep writing!
| Ginger2526 chapter 10 . 8/4/2011
Love Love LOVE! I first read the original one and I fell in love with that one so I HAD to read the edited one and I am in love with this too! God I seriously can't wait for the rest of the story! It makes me so sad that this story doesn't have the reviews it deserves, maybe using the the first minor talent's summary would work? Either way both are well written lovable story and I will be waiting for your next update!
| Luridpretty chapter 1 . 8/1/2011
I'm looking through this with my critical face on, trying to find something to critique about this, but I honestly can't find much. The only thing that I think might be better is to remove the "Marlboro" from one of those later lines and just have it as "cigarettes", because I feel as if having one less word there would make the flow better. That's just my own personal opinion, though. I would also suggest a comma in "What's your story then?" to make it "what's your story, then?", but it really isn't that necessary and I may even be wrong, because I truly am a comma abuser, haha. I really love the character you've built up here, you have given us a good portrait of her personality within just one chapter. I also like your description of the bartender's eyes as resembling the Mediterranean sea, not Britain's, because it's both funny and vivid. I also like Hazel's quirkiness in liking Bruno Mars xD I can already feel the tension between Hazel and the marrying couple...is the groom an ex-boyfriend, maybe? Only one way to see, and that's by reading ;) Good job.
| justina chapter 9 . 7/31/2011
i'm a reader not a writer but just wanted to write this to tell you i love the story! love it! but now i wanna read more haha! so can't wait! Keep up the good work! :)
| Whirlymerle chapter 4 . 7/30/2011
I liked your description of Dai. A lot. He didn’t seem perfectly gorgeous, especially since you mentioned how his teeth were off white and slightly crooked, a fact I really liked, by the way. Yet, the details, even the not necessarily attractive ones, made Dai all the more charming.
It was really cute to see Chrissie transform and become a little starstruck by Dai. :)
As for your introduction of Frank, I feel like he could be another potential love interest, since he got a little tense when he thought Hazel had a kid. Also, he’s a writer, so that would get Hazel out of her habit of dating band guys. But then, it’s also mentioned in this chapter that dating Damian was worse than dating an actual drummer, so I’m wondering if there’s a little foreshadowing going on. Hmm, at this point, anything could happen.
I think you might need a scene break between the interview itself, and when Hazel typed the first sentence of her article.
| InkedSoul chapter 2 . 7/25/2011
Hmm..maybe I misjudged Hazel.
Maybe it was just because she was going through a rough time in the beginning of the chapter that it brought out the worst in her. But she seems like a very trustworthy person and she was extremely nice to Chrissie. She's a good friend also and she doesn't let others worry about her too much. She seems pretty independent too, maybe it's just when it comes to a relationship that she starts to freak out a bit and it brings out a different side of her.
She's responsible and she's smart. I love her take on people and how it relates to musician types. But who's to say that everyone's like that? It's an interesting concept to think up though, so I admire you for it.
I would still like to see her blossom a bit more, or at least learn a bit more about her because I feel like I don't know enough to judge her just yet. I don't know whether to hate her or like her. But it's still early in the story so I guess it's better to keep us in the dark for a while.
I guess for now I'll give her a little leeway and just say...she's still trying to figure herself and I guess I can relate to that.
Another nice chapter though, the dialogue was realistic and so was the description of the atmosphere of Haven's.
I wonder, do you share any traits with your MC? (for example the interest in the artwork, or music .) or was that all just research?
Anyway, keep up the good work, I like it so far (:
| InkedSoul chapter 1 . 7/24/2011
-From the Roadhouse
I vaguely remember reading this story before and it seems to have improved a bit from the last time I read. It seems more detailed and well thought out, or maybe i could be wrong and it only seems different because I haven't read it in a while. Anyway, I like the concept of the story. It's interesting to see the character suffer a downfall so early in the story and it sort of lets us know more about her, her faults and her weaknesses and how she reacts toward different situations.
To be honest I don't really like Hazel. She seems too messed up and lost. She's struggling and she needs someone to help her. She also needs to learn how to settle down and get her life together instead of going out with guy after guy after guy. The only thing that I'm jealous of her about is that she gets to interview bands, I mean seriously that's an ideal dream right there xD But she takes advantage of it too much, and you'd think she would be sick of it by now.
I have to admit that when Hazel went over the the bride and groom, I thought she was going to say something she'd regret. Maybe like a confession or something, especially considering how much she'd been drinking prior to the meeting but surprisingly she didn't. Maybe she's used to all that liquor? or maybe she's just really...calm and levelheaded.
Overall I like the start. It was a nice opening and I loved the insight to Hazel's train of thought. I'm interested to see how she develops as a character and as an individual. She needs to learn to be independent for once.
By the way all this isn't anything against your writing, it's just against your character. You're writing style is amazing (:
Onto the next chapter!
| Whirlymerle chapter 3 . 7/24/2011
The first time you switched POVs between Hazel and Lucy was confusing, because I didn’t realize that there was a scene switch as well. You might want to put a break there. The rest of the POV switches transitioned smoothly, though.
I like how disillusioned Hazel has become, especially when you write about how she’s seen too many bands with nice guys fall into obscurity to write that they might make it. I feel like there’s depth to her character there.
[they're all charmers and, unfortunately, we become snakes for them] interesting analogy, especially since snakes are dangerous in their own right
Hmm, so who is the mysterious singer? My first guess would be the guy Hazel met at the bar of Lucy’s wedding, since he’s the only guy I can recall who’s introduced without a name. I wonder…
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 3 . 6/26/2011
Cliff hanger? wahhh o.o anywho, this story is very informational about possible relationships with band members. Plus, Your characters are quite interesting, almost life-like in my eyes. I enjoy reading this story and I look forward to more i the future. :)
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 2 . 6/26/2011
I see a budding friendship between Hazel & chrissie, its cute. Its like a mentor-student relationship, I can't wait to see more. :)
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
I liked this chapter, Hazel was more closed-up and tough :) it was sad to see her get dumped by a idiot . but the flirting scene with the other was cute :).. on to the next chapter.
| NotToBeMessedWith chapter 1 . 6/17/2011
Haha cariad means love in welsh
| Whirlymerle chapter 2 . 6/16/2011
Hey, returning your review—
I really like how you show how nice Katie King is. The little details, like that she bothers to remember Chrissie’s name, adds rich detail to her character.
[The kind of kids who would never become a journalist] noun agreement; this should be “never become journalists”
[She didn't see the point in coming to the place which did the best burgers and steaks and chicken in the area, only to have a quick salad and water?] I don’t think you’ve phrased this in a question, so I think it should be a period at the end.
[posters of paintings and the paintings of posters] I really liked the wording here!
I really, really liked the way Hazel talked about the four personality types. It shows how much music is embedded into the story. Would Hazel and Adam be of the same personality type, because they clashed? Hmm…
And it was sweet to of Hazel to take Chrissie out to lunch.
| Boy at War chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
I think I like the idea of the story, but it appears as though it can fit into a genre. Girl with horrible luck with guys meets mystery man at the bar; only now with a musical twist! So I'll have to ask you to make sure your diverging from the norm just so that you can you know get the stuff better (FAIL). What I mean is to keep reader's interest make sure you break the norm.
Anywho, I think a good place to start with this is the beginning scene I felt like maybe the whole break up scene was a little clique but definetely should be kept so that this isn't too new, new. Regardless I think it was a good way to inroduce Hazel's character because we can instantly see her in her lowest moments so that we can instantly sympathize with her.