Reviews for Oopsibaby
Stars May Collide chapter 1 . 6/5/2011
I certainly want to see the second part to this. Now that I’ve read through the first part I’m more than interested to know what will happen and how she will deal with being pregnant and the future miscarriage. I really have no criticisms aside from a few things:

- words like “fucknuttery” threw me off guard and broke my concentration. That, of course, I just a style preference but I figured that I’d mention it nonetheless.

- her paranoia about becoming pregnant despite being on birth control and using the occasional condom – it makes one wonder just why she was always so paranoid.

Overall though my interest is piqued and I’m interested in the second installment.
DianaLapin chapter 1 . 6/5/2011
very logical, well sounded out. i like that it explores the pros and cons of motherhood, it strengthens the speakers argument. i also like that she paints the picture of what other people and how it affects her perception of marriage and babies.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/5/2011
But now, at 24...

-Style: would spell out "twenty-four"

I felt the urge to eat EVERYTHING THAT I COULD FIND...

-Style: I would actually advise against capitalizing things, especially if you send this in to a publisher or have it as a manuscript, instead, I would put it in lower-case italics for a more professional look.


-Edit: period should be on outside of quotations

The days went on, however...

-Style: would make new paragraph here

And that part where I'm so ashamed...

-Edit: "I was" ?

Maybe this was ok.

-Edit: should be "OK" or "okay"


-Edit: why is there an asterisk?

...wait AGAIN to pee...

-Style: would italicize, again, like I mentioned earlier for the same reasons

I was hoping for a resounding NOT PREGNANT.

-Style: same as above

Style of last paragraph: would put all of the "preganants" into italicized lower-case as well for same reasons as above.

Well...overall I actually, to be honest with you, found this a tad boring because the pace really did drag. There was little to, well, no dialogue, and that really makes for a dragging first chapter when you try to introduce the reader to the story. I also found there was a *huge* amount of back story of habits, etc. that also provided a bit of an informational dump from our narrator, and it seemed to be the same thing over and over again about well, being pregnant. I think all of this could have been imparted in a way that perhaps had more action, like Juno, almost, where you show her going to buy the test, etc, instead of "telling" us. I think that's a big thing that could be improved, just showing instead of telling. Other than that, I mean, you're dealing with something that might become a bit stereotypical, but I think you can put you're own fun spin on it and so far the writing style itself is clear and concise!