Reviews for Yaemoni
Ioga chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
Hi, sorry it takes me so long to get through decision - get - read - review, with the to-and-fro of using different devices. X-)

This was really nice, it felt dreamlike - I was actually wondering if you do dream these up, because I write my weird-fantasy (like "Magic are people too") off dreams and they end up feeling a bit similar: there's an idea, a flash of scenery, but the plot feels more a side product of getting out the view of the extraordinary world than, say, in a character-centric story, where the focus is on developing the people and their relationships. I'm not sure if this is an effect of how the environment gets the attention simply for being remarkable itself, but I have a feeling that to a degree it's that the author actively draws the attention to the creation of a mood rather than to a train-on-tracks that is a plot.

I notice your stories are divided into Fiction:General and scifi/fantasy, and now that I look a bit harder, I get a feeling that there might be more of this scene-setting style going on. I think I'm going to have to read more of your stuff, it makes me feel less weird too. :)

Quick misword I noticed: I think 'dying' should be 'dyeing' (in the meaning of to dye, not to die). It's amazing how clean your text is though, I can't imagine how much effort that takes on a device that probably isn't half as cooperative as fingers and keys - and they're sometimes horribly uncooperative, too.

Thanks for this!
Javajive chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
Oh where to start Dragon. I just picked one of your stories randomly and I'm so glad I picked this one. You had me at "I'm growing my hair." with this piece. Three years of pregnancy would put me in a bad mood too :).

And wow, the colours, the magical atmosphere you create. It was like reading a children's story. Perhaps it was the invoking rainbow colours, a purple and green sea and imagining eating fried orchid and tamarind paste. You just select delicious words throughout this piece. It's very effective and even though Mileuko is in a huff, I felt quite serene reading it. Even the obviously painful birth.

The description of the birth, fantastic."Her scream became so high-pitched that those around her could no longer hear it." Never would have though to use such a phrase.

I liked that you ended on such an ominous note. Thank you for leaving me with such a bafflingly beautiful world on my mind.
CCKins chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
I don't really read much fantasy, but this one is actually quite good! I like it because it is very colourful, like sweating all colours of the rainbow, and the sea being a green purple. It makes the story seem cheerful and creative.

Also, a water spirit's pregnancy is a unique concept. It seems very similar to a human's pregnancy, but then you let out your imagination, like how the baby came from a puff of gas from the mothers belly button! That bit was amusing to be because of that!

Overall, it was a good story! Well done!
SomeRandomScribbles chapter 1 . 6/14/2011
[The sea morphed into a torrent of purple and green swirls. Bubbles rose from it and it took on a mercury-like form. A rainbow washed over her, dying her skin and hair. The sea was sympathetic to her moods.] - this is such a beautiful piece of descriptive writing :) It's so calm and relaxed, and written very originally.

Occasionally your sentences are a little short and stop-start, making the pace seem quite fast. This makes it a little harder for the reader to absorb the story.

['My favourite! You read my mind.' She snatched the plate out of his hand and ate it ferociously. When there were only a few crumbs left, she asked: 'oh, did you want some too? Sorry.' 'No, it's okay.' It was a small price to pay for sanity, he thought to himself.] - you need to take another look at the grammar here. New lines of speech should start a new paragraph and should begin with a capital letter.

Your plot is very interesting. I like the way you gradually describe the characters, making us guess at what they are. The story and the final sentence in particular are very uplifting :)