|Reviews for Chronicles of a Teenage Ninja|
| whyohdeaYODA chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
I definately enjoyed this first chapter quite a bit, but perhaps you got a little lazy at the very end, because it wasn't quite as good as the rest of the chapter. I am looking forward to the rest of the story.
| slave to the voices chapter 1 . 6/7/2011
While I didn't like this as much as your others, it's a good start. The chapter is the perfect length and I like the way you were able to make Ethan such a wuss in a short span. Nice work, I'll be reading more.
| Lady Eccentrica chapter 1 . 6/7/2011
I love this! please, keep writing! :)
| Boy at War chapter 1 . 6/7/2011
Don't worry, I too have a story about a kid getting beat up in the hall.
1.(Spencer wanted to tear it in half, Julia wanted to exchange it at the office.)So neither of them had the wonderful idea of spending it? This reinforces the idea that even though Julia has half a brain it doens't make up for the fact that they're just a sack of potatoes... or something like that. So I have to commend you for that, showing their lack of intelligence instead of telling it.
appears to have seen Ethan getting bullied (hence her saying that's bribery and extortion)but just decides it's not worth her time to help him out? That doesn't really fit with the nice girl routine you were trying to feed the reader a few sentences ago. And even better what kind of nice person would not only not help someone when they were getting bullied but brow beat them for paying off their abuser?
3.I think a better development of place is in order, what was Ethan doing beforehand? Did he know Spencer was coming and try to ignore him? Direct drops as I like to call them, can be effective beginning for stories, but I usually like to add a bit more exposition to what's happening, so you might want to take that into consideration.
I like the idea of this,it seems RIDICULOUSLY similar to the story I just started today as well, not the plot just the first chapter so you should check out that hirlarious lol. But I think I'll like the geek to ninja transformation process, but the idea of zero to hero has been done before so you might want to remember to throw plenty of surprises into the plot while your writing this, just so the reader wont get bored.