|Reviews for The Flower Seller|
| mktoddsparky chapter 2 . 6/14/2011
Wow. So, I know you said you wanted Chapter Two reviewed, but I had to read Chapter One as well, just to get a feel for the story, and might I say that I really like it :D
The whole idea of "layers" in the world...it's something I never would have thought up myself, and yet it's completely believable for a story. It's not something my mind cannot fathom, in a sense.
My only critique - hardly, though - is that you seem to use excess description sometimes.
Ex: "The person on his right was little more than a boy – tall, with blonde cherub-like curls framing a long, horsey face."
Perhaps cut down just a little on the description, because when there's too much I find myself getting caught up in the details and cannot focus on the story as a whole.
But, other than that, this was marvelous. I love Elsie's voice, because it carries with it enough innocence, and yet again that realistic maturity that I adore in characters.
I cannot wait until more of this story is posted. :D
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 6/13/2011
I find it interesting how you introduce us to this story. It's the old story within a story format - one that I have always found to be highly entertaining. I think you pull it off well, giving the reader a nice little story to snuggle up with, just like the children in the beginning few paragraphs. In fact, those few paragraphs have an interesting tempo - almost like the lines of a nursery rhyme. I like it. :D
I enjoy how you describe a few occurrences in the chapter as 'nothing unusual' or 'completely ordinary'. From the way things twist into the 'not so ordinary' near the end, it makes me feel like something crazy like this can happen to me when I least expect it. I always enjoy living with that type of suspense, and I think you portray that message well through Elsie's everyday life.
[After that the transaction was speedy and unromantic, without even a brush of the hands as he handed the money over.]
This line makes your story stand out from a lot of other things I've read. I like how you point out that their interaction is NOT romantic, breaking away from the typical story of 'love-at-first-sight'. It actually surprised me, because I was half-expecting it to go the other route. I always like it when I am surprised - it shows you know how to weave a story that will keep the reader guessing. Twists and surprises are always oh-so nice to have. -
I also find it interesting how at the end you have her encounter the other man of whom she was not particularly interesting in. That was another pleasant twist because (just like Elsie) I was expecting her to see the blue-eyed man when she turned around.
["Have you seen a man? Tall, dark, ridiculously handsome – maybe with a rose?"
"Elsie, honey," chuckled the middle-aged woman behind the till, "if I had, I'd have locked him in my cellar by now."]
Haha, I think we can all sympathize with this feeling! -
Very nice first chapter. I enjoyed it. :)
| Elennar chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
What I really liked about this chapter is the tone of the narrator, because it was really easy to be absorbed by it.
I also liked the ending, with the ordinary looking guy as a main character, because it was totally unexpected- in a good way!