|Reviews for Splicers|
| Obituaries of life chapter 1 . 10/10/2014
Hey any tips cause I'm writing a story called royal key academy and I have the characters and basic outline of the story
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
All across the North American Corporatocracy., entire... [I think the period after "Corporatocracy" needs to be removed - unless it's there for a reason, but that reason wasn't clear to me.]
...with people I have been trying me best to avoid. [my best]
There's a tension in this draft between present tense and past tense that I didn't like because I thought it made the narrative a little disjointed, and I think you might want to choose one and stick with it. I can't figure out which you're going for, but I would recommend past tense since it's usually easiest to write in. There are some sentences, like, "I am afraid of heights, but because there *is*..." or "I turned my attention" (should be "I turn" if you're in present tense) that make it hazy.
"Damn." I muttered under my breathe. [Comma after "damn", "breath"]
I did like the character though - I have to admit my own assumptions, I thought we were dealing with a male narrator due to the high position in the Corporate world, but I was relieved and glad to see it a woman, so I think that's a great twist because it was unexpected. Good job, and I think you ended on a strong mysterious note.
| AveAve chapter 22 . 10/11/2011
I LOVE IT!
I have to say that you had me hooked on this story since the very first chapter! I love it and I hope college doesn't make you too busy!
| SnowyAshCat chapter 12 . 7/1/2011
Wow... I think I'm the first reviewer... COOL! LOL. This story is awesome. Reminds me of a supernatural Resident Evil instead of zombie-fying...
O.o ... Caly's hiding stuff... Red eyes... syringes... Is she maybe a VAMP?... LOL... or trying experiments on herself for bio-research on splicers... or... - Sigh - no use guessing I guess I'll have to wait on the next chappies to find out... PLZ update soon! :D I LOVE this story...