Reviews for Paper Moon
aMyTaichoDa chapter 4 . 2/7/2012
ohmyGAWD! I'm totally LOVING this story! Can't wait for ze next chapter, mon cherie ;}D


Well, keep at it, gurl! I shall patiently await the next chapter.

Yeah. Patiently.

~YourFriendlyNeighbor, aMyTaichoDa~
conti siegel chapter 4 . 1/8/2012
update soon
megger chapter 2 . 8/12/2011
"You're new assignment"- Should be your.

"this assignment, I'll let you"- Let you? That doesn't sound right.

"barely here anyways[;] she didn't need"

I've noticed that you have some odd sentence structure. There's a lot of fragments that could be strung together to make one cohesive thought. Like "And Dales Financing was practically the main company in New York that provides other companies their needs. And a huge competitor to Trudeau Corporation, owned by none other than Pierre Trudeau. The very person that took her in." This is really choppy.

"she just used JD as an abbreviation to Jane Doe"- This is actually a pretty cool thought.

"She wanted to know herself, she wanted to be free, but she can't go against Master Pierre because she owes him her life. She just hid it well behind her mask of indifference."- You changed tenses here.

Even though it was a bit cliche, I actually liked that JD was an orphan with no remembrance of her former life. Pierre and her conversation about her finally finding out about her parents was a small twist I enjoyed.

megger chapter 1 . 8/12/2011
"She kissed her teeth twice"- Not really sure what you mean by this.

The narration could use a bit of work. I think your story could be better if you didn't just tell readers what your main is doing, show them. When I was reading the first paragraph, I didn't feel anxious or nervous about what might happen next. And when something did happen, I was like "oh, okay." And I don't think that's the reaction you want.

Content-wise, it was alright. It seems to be really cliche with the whole double-crossing spy. depending on where you take this, this could potentially be a really interesting read.

LiberryBooked chapter 3 . 8/9/2011
I'm not sure what I thought of this chapter. It felt like JD was behaving like a completely different person than she was acting like before and it threw me off. I was surprised that Julian didn't react differently by the way JD was acting.
LiberryBooked chapter 2 . 8/9/2011
I really enjoyed this chapter. I thought it was funny how Julian and JD seem to have the same initials. I like that JD makes her targets fall in love with her before she kills them. It just feels so dramatic. I think it's great how you're having Pierre exploit JD's insecurities to get her to do what he wants.
LiberryBooked chapter 1 . 8/9/2011
This chapter definitely sparked my curiousity. There were just a few phrases that left me confused.

I didn't get what "she kissed her teeth twice" meant. How does someone kiss their own teeth?

And when you said "grabbing her hips and slamming her body into his" it seemed like there was some sexual tension between the two but as I kept reading I felt like I misread that because I didn't see any other evidence of any chemistry between the two.

I'm not a huge fan of using caps in writing, especially when you could have more clearly said it using he yelled or something of the sort, but I guess that's a personal choice.

All in all, eager to
Foookeee chapter 2 . 6/17/2011
It's reaaaaallyyy interesting! Update sooooon!
Koki Enwai chapter 1 . 6/17/2011
I like this a lot so far. The dialogue and action flow seamlessly together and the characters seem interesting. Well done.
The Cookie Demon 777 chapter 1 . 6/15/2011
This sounds interesting
MidnightFox chapter 1 . 6/14/2011
Hm..I like this idea. I like things like assassins as well and it can just turn fun and interesting. They can have very different personalities. I like her attitude and it's easy to picture her with her being all sassy and scrunching her nose against the 'messy kills'. :) Can't wait to see how you develop it.