|Reviews for Elements (old version)|
| Kasafa chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
Woah! This story is absolutely amazing!
Please keep writing! :D
| ExecutedDeleted chapter 2 . 7/7/2012
Dude. She has a cool dad. Food and an escape plan? I'm down.
| ExecutedDeleted chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
This is so good! on to the next chapter im full of anticipation!
| AlucardGnuoy chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
I love this story; it's so unique and very well written. I think you have portrayed your characters perfectly and their feelings and emotions come across really strong. I don't want to ramble on for too long otherwise I will start repeating things (but just writing htem in different ways). You are a fantastic writer and your stories have so much 'life' in them. Your grammar is great and your spelling in exquisite.
I have a bit of a penchant for orthography and grammar and I have to say you have satisfied my 'hard to please' literary needs.
This story was a pleasure to read and I hope you never give up writing.
- Sharlotte Caine -
| Leila Archer chapter 2 . 6/18/2012
Okay, so I had this really long, really nice review that I was typing, but somehow, as I was typing it, it all got highlighted and replaced by a single letter X( Angry face! What I was saying was basically that, your plot is very original and it makes me eager to read more, and that you are very good at introducing your readers to your new world to the point that it no longer feels like an introduction, but rather like we've lived there all our lives. Keep writing ths story, it is very very good! The elements idea isn't entirely original, (Avatar, Carrier of th Mark, etc.) but you take it and make it something completely your own. Adding the complications of governmetal control and societal niches is genius and really adds to your plot. I think you need to include more of her thoughts though. There was too much crying, and not enough reasons behind her tears. What sort of things bind her to her childhood life, and why would she not want to stake out and make a new life for herself. Like an adventure? You haven't let us into her muind quite enough for us to cannect with her. And that's why we read to connect.
I love the little bit you put in about both parents wanting her to have the same element so they could teach her everything they knew. I think this embraces reality beautifully. Every parent dreams that their child will follow in their footsteps or show interest in something they love. It made me smile.
The only other thing I would caution you about is figurative and descriptive language. There just isn't enough imagery. There isn't anything substantial for the readers to grasp onto, see, hear, smell, taste, in this chapter.
Keep writing this! I will definitelty keep reading. my attention was drawn from the start and I'm excited to see where you're going with it! I'm looking forward to seeing her dad teach her the wind trick. Although something tells me she's going to be seperated before she gets the chance...
Don't stop doing what you love! XD
| Leila Archer chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
I really enjoy your writing, and the story-line is really unique! I couldn't make out any major errors aside from misuse of the word forewords which should have been forward or forwards. The only thing negative I really have to say is that the beginning-while it does paint a very clear picture-is a bit overdescriptive. Overall I think it is a very good start. You made me feel as eager as Analese to know her element. I really hope she isn't water. :)
| CharlieAnne313 chapter 8 . 4/11/2012
I really like the idea of elements. I have definitely thought about that idea before, but just couldnt make it work. You are doing a good job! Cant wait to read more.
| SPAMMER chapter 9 . 4/9/2012
I liked it the way it was so just put it in a announcement that analese is now 15 and xavier 16.
| Alice Rosezella chapter 9 . 4/8/2012
I think that it should be 15/16 or maybe even 16/17 (I like the first better) and I think she acts perfectly towards him... Oh yeah and I think her parents reaction should be unexpected :) Hope you get things sorted out! :D
| Stacey chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
that was fantastic! brilliant ! exceptional!raw talent!untouched talent!wonderful!mavellous!splended!terrific crap im running out of words!
no flaws what so ever!
| LadyOfSunshine chapter 8 . 3/27/2012
Thanks for reviewing on my diary :D
I actually really, really like this! Mostly because we seem to like to write about the same kind of thing (fantasy/adventure). You're story is really interesting and, actually, doesn't seem to need any tweaks or advice. I'll be waiting for Chp. 9 ! You'd better upload it quick or I'll hunt you down and ATTACK! :D
Oh, and would you mind checking out my other story for me, "Hailey McLaine and The Sun Behind The Clouds"? Yes, i did make my pen name from it, mostly because it has a special meaning. It's kind of like your story, where Elements are involved. Although, mine isn't only based on that. Characters will also resemble-Whoa, spoiler. I've already told you too much 0_0 lol, yeah, I'm only really on chapter 2 and i haven't gotten very many reviews, so please! I'll be waiting excitedly! (for both chp. 9 and a review)
| Alice Rosezella chapter 8 . 3/11/2012
AHHHH HER WATER DEVELOPED! :D Go Anna! lese lol! I almost forgot about this story! You've got two weeks for chapter 9 we'll be waiting... :)
| FictionFantsy123 chapter 7 . 1/29/2012
YAY! Write more! i love your story! even if i tried i wouldnt be able to find a thing wrong with it! i was planning on just reading a little bit to see if it was good but i forgot and just got lost in the story! i wish i could print it out to read it again! its so good it should be published so anybody in the world could read it! keep writing please your one of my favoraite Authors! i will have my story put up soon so please review it, i need someone to tell me what i can do to make it better! thanks!
| BlakkRose chapter 7 . 1/27/2012
This is really a Great story! I love it! I really hope you update soon!
| Alice Rosezella chapter 7 . 1/16/2012
OKAY SO I LOVE THIS STORY! And stayed up to 1:30 just to finish whats written so far! I can't wait for more! :)