Reviews for Archon
Barthollomew chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Ooo, ship battles...

Personally, I find that this chapter hasn't really said alot but it is a rather good start. It gives quite a clear description what is to be expected as the story progresses. To be honest, I didn't really expected the chapter to be that short, I'm thinking it was rushed out.

But anyway, good start, keep it up!
megger chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
There's some odd punctuation that was kind of distracting. I didn't understand why there was a semi-colon at the end of every, like dialogue piece.

It kind of felt rushed to me. There wasn't enough of a back story, kind of. Seeing as how in reality people don't live in space or travel in space and you're writing a story about space, I think you need a bit more description and narration to make the whole thing more realistic.

I'm intrigued to see where you take it though. It sounds really interesting.

-Roadhouse
H.S. Myth chapter 1 . 7/13/2011
I like all the proper nouns you have made up for this story, they are so much fun! You did a good job introducing us to your world, but it has a rushed feel about it because you have so many 1-2 sentence long summaries stuffed into here, yet the chapter is short. I guess what I mean is that in order to create the setting you do a lot of telling rather than showing, when more detailed descriptions of what is going on could have the same effect and run a lot smoother for the reader. Punctuating dialogue is another thing you could work on. Make sure that the beginning and end of your sentences are correctly marked, and instead of starting a new paragraph every time a different person speaks, start a new paragraph when the focus is moved to another character so that actions and dialogue of the same character are in the same paragraph.

Nice cliff hanger ending, I am excited to see what happens next.
Prisim chapter 1 . 6/18/2011
This is a good start. Gives me kind of a Star Trek vibe to it. I got a little lost on some of the dialog with who was saying what. Some lines you had one person saying something but the other person reacting so I wasn't sure who actually did the talking. But I was able to figure it out.

I look forward to seeing how you go further with it. Keep it up.