|Reviews for Bent, or Bend, Oregon|
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
[chewing on a purple lettuce leaf / on the first morning of spring / even though the rain still clung / like a curtain to the hood of her jacket]- God, this is beautiful! Simple, yet full of richness.
[breasts hang like water balloons / being clutched from soft hands / on a rooftop]- This doesn't seem like a very flattering analogy. It reminds me of the first time my friend and I ever went to a strip club. It was a weekday night, and business was slow, so this one stripper, a nice-looking latina chick with teeth that seemed too big for her head, spent most of evening on my lap, even though I only actually paid her for one dance the entire time I was there. From what I saw, she was the most attractive stripper working that night, and I had a great time while I was there. My friend, on the other hand, didn't quite enjoy his experience. First, a tall black woman that looked like a tranny kept trying to talk him into buying a lap dance. Later on he paid a white girl for a lap dance. She was attractive in the face, but I glanced over at him while he was receiving his dance, and he had this horrified expression on his face. The woman had removed her top, and her sagging tits were bouncing against his face. Her face looked like early 20's, but her tits looked like they belonged to a 60-year-old woman. It was like somebody had taken two baseballs and placed them inside two stockings, and the woman decided to glue the stockings to her chest and call them tits.
[in the back of your mind / you image your fingers kneading]- I've never heard anybody interchange "image" for "picture" as you did here. Maybe it's just me, but it seems awkward. Although, now that I've read the poem a few times, I think I'm coming around to it. I would never say "image it in your mind" instead of "picture it in your mind," but, in the spirit of poetic license, I think it works.
[of that same self appointed] *self-appointed*
[detest the polka dots of her underwear, / the dot-org-ness of it all, the this, / the that, the here-here]- I really, really like this section.
[the sense / that all birthday candles have blown / out and you are ageless]- Is it a bad thing that I now feel like this as well? I bought a movie from the $5 bin at Wal-Mart recently, and because it was rated 'R' the woman asked me my age. I actually had to stop and think for several seconds. For some reason I almost said 20. Then I was like, 'No, that's not right. What the hell year is this?' Apparently I'm 24 by earth years. Mentally and emotionally, however, I'm still a teenager.
[or just your salty tongue on the window / glass]- One of my favorite images in the poem.
[You touch her face; / bend fingers into palms / replace yourself with disgrace]- Excellent closing stanza.
I'm curious about the title. Is Oregon the name of the girl/woman? Are we just referring to the state? I don't understand the connection, but I feel like I'm missing something important.
I absolutely love this poem, however. The imagery is amazing. I could've easily copied and pasted every line just to heap praise on your amazing ability.
I'm very curious about the age of this "she" that the "coward" is watching. If it wasn't for the second stanza describing her breasts then I would feel very confident that she is much more girl than woman. Water balloons are basically toys, which ties into my girl theory. I think the reason the stanza is throwing me off is because I'm picturing the breasts bigger than they really are. Like I said, it's conjuring images from my visit to the strip club.
Maybe it's my own perverted mind that's reading pedophiliac tones into the poem. But there's definitely a lot of childlike imagery: water balloons, bare feet in grass, birthday candles, polka dots. Plus the guy just has that predator vibe.
Regardless, this is an excellent poem, and one of my favorites from the recent stuff you've posted.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/18/2011
Lovin' the imagery. And I was always a sucker for toxic not-quite love stories.
The second-last stanza is definitely a winner: detailing the 'ageless' confuddlement of the protagonist in relation to what he shares with her. Rather than enjoy the moment, there's a sense of something that haunts him.
I also like the wordplay. I accidentally read the 'groan' in 'tightness in your groan again' as 'groin' but I find that it works both ways XD.