|Reviews for Hell and Heaven|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/15/2012
Congratulations on winning the May WCC! :D
Opening- I thought the beginning paragraph was a good hook because the first sentence makes the reader obviously wonder what the hell is going on. I especially like the "ninety-five days" part, because that really made me wonder, well especially because I read the summary and knew it was about demons. I thought the short sentences were great and I thought the repetition of the "century" sentence in the second paragraph was a good way to keep emphasizing his annoyance about the time.
Relationships- I liked that these two were brother and sister because it created an unexpected twist I didn't see coming. I would've even been okay seeing more of a sarcastic narration after she calls him "brother" too, since this tone was so conversational. We didn't see a whole lot but hate between them and it would've been fun to see some sort of past relationship mentioned-like I wonder if they ever liked each other or being demons it was hate from the get-go.
Setting- Would've liked more from this than just the concrete floor and the line. Even what color the line was...or how they even made the line. He scratched it-with his finger nails-one finger nail? with a nail? something he found in the room? that kind of thing. It wasn't clear to me if this was actually a furnished kind of room, or if it was just a concrete box. I have a feeling it was just a plain concrete box, but at first I thought it was like a surreal furnished room that was bewitched to hold them or something. It became clearer towards the end and that might just be my personal envisioning at the mention of "room" in the first sentence, but I did figure out what you meant...it's not the big of a deal I think that honestly was just my weird mind, XD.
Pace- Good pacing, I think you kept it consistent and I think the narration helped. I wasn't too sure about it at the very beginning since it was a lot of telling about the situation in that first paragraph but that's not always a bad thing, contrary to popular belief, and I thought by the second paragraph you got things moving nicely and dove us right into the story, so the first telling really created a good foundation to move the story along and get us caught up with the present situation. Things really started heating up during the fight, and I thought that fight scene/kill scene was paced well, it didn't rush and it didn't go too slow. Enjoyed this!
Fuck, she is annoying. [Style: "she's"]
My weight and momentum carry us both to the ground... [Edit: floor, so I would consider changing around the clause somehow so it doesn't sound repetitive when you say "concrete floor" in the next one. Maybe just omit the second "floor" since "concrete" would work just fine.]
| BetweenHeavenAndHell chapter 1 . 6/19/2011
Haha! Now these are the short little beauties this site has been missing. It was a little bit morbid, and I don't particularly like demon stories but this one made me chuckle! The brothers point of view was a good choice haha, well done :) I really enjoyed it, I wonder if it will be multiple chaptered? I doubt it somehow, something tells me this little demon will sleep for a long while :)