Reviews for The Dark Prince
Eral chapter 20 . 4/5/2016
That was amazing! I should've been doing my homework but instead I spent my time reading this...
me297 chapter 20 . 2/15/2016
LOVED IT
Aobh chapter 20 . 8/5/2015
Using the excuse that if someone doesn't approve of the subject matter they can't be offended is redundant. People are going to read this and frankly I'm surprised more people haven't been horrified with it. You based an entire 'romance' around sex. That's not how it works. Usually it helps if they guy isn't a misogynistic arsehole.

If Jarek 'liking' a girl means that he rapes he repeatedly then he truly is a more awful person than I thought he was and before you comment - I don't mind rape in stories, as long as it is done tastefully and this was not tasteful at all. There was no plot - the story did not progress. Jarek becomes king. Jarek is a rapist. Jarek realises he likes a girl beyond her ability to make him orgasm. Jarek gets the girl.

Jarek is an honest to god whack job. I mean seriously. He’s displaying some entry level psychopathic behaviour towards Victoria. He keeps saying that he’ll never let her go. That he’ll follow her. That he’ll never let her leave. That her body is his forever and blah blah blah. That’s insane. That is completely insane. That’s not love at all. That’s not even close. You’re confusing love with lust and fear and human self-interest and the fact that you’ve packaged this obsessive, insane behaviour as love is dangerous as hell.

What kind of message is that? What message are you sending young girls? That if they give in to their rapist they'll get a happy ending? And don't say I'm wrong because that's literally what your story is saying. Tales like these are dangerous - not only because they inspire others to write as lazily as this is written - but because they teach young girls that as long as they submit, their abuse was justified.

If you wanted a Redemption Arc, fine. Have it. But you went about it in the absolutely wrong way. Redemption Arc's are tricky because they can only be done over a long period of time and even then the audience can be pretty divided on it. Jarek doesn’t have a redemption arc because he didn’t learn a lesson. Right after he was kind to Victoria and realised he ‘liked’ her, he tried to force Mona to watch him rape her. What in the hell? His only quasi-redemption is his big confession to Gabriel in which he admits that he never raped Angelica and she was alive. He tells Gabriel that he ‘Should have known better’. But Gabriel DID know better. Jarek IS a manipulative rapist meaning that therefore, Gabriel was right all along regardless of what happened with Angelica.

All your female characters are non-existent. Even Mary, who has the most lines outside of Victoria and Mona Is barely there. Victoria is the classic pure woman, and every other woman is useless. Patriarchal values are abundant, apparently.

Speaking of Victoria, our hapless protagonist. I feel SO bad for her. Like, this story genuinely made me upset. That poor girl has no way out. Her king is a rapist, none of the other females seem to give two craps about her - she is completely alone. Jarek manipulates her into responding to his repulsive touch and she does so nobly to save her family and village. I mean, god damn. Poor Vicky.
Poor, poor Vicky.

I appreciate the fact that you seem to understand that dark stories sometimes don’t work and that there must be a relent somewhere i.e. where your ‘happy ending’ came from. But Jarek doesn’t deserve a happy ending. He’s a horrible person. Victoria deserved much more respect.
How could Gabriel have given her the ‘most sadistic kiss Victoria had ever had the misfortune to experience’ if Jarek had literally laughed in her face as he kissed her while she cried and begged him to stop raping her? What are you saying here? That poor little Jarek wasn’t being sadistic? That he was merely struggling with an addiction and therefore his sadistic, disgusting behaviour cannot be called thus? Gabriel is exactly the same as Jarek. If you want to make Gabriel the antagonist of the story, then you must make Jarek the same – seeing as they’re of the same mind and soul.

Why does her twin sister, of all people, try to lead her into admitting her feelings for Jarek? You’d think that if a rational person was in this situation and their twin sister just confessed that they had been raped repeatedly and threatened until they were submissive they’d have a better response than “But do you ‘LIKE’ like him?” How ridiculous is that? How could that have possibly happened? The only thing that makes Mona fight for Victoria is the fact that Jarek made her cry, not the stories of rape and abuse her sister told her.

As much as the subject matter bothered me, the writing style was also confusing. This story lacked tension. You say you had a beta reader yet your sentences were still stiff and odd. Your characters use modern speech but this can’t take place after the Dark Ages, right? Not to mention – they’re in a society that’s old enough to have a feudal system in place, with a full ruling monarchy complete with serving maids and ‘physicians’ yet they also use ‘liquid black eyeliner’? Furthermore the universe is not developed at all. There are hardly any descriptions of the castle or the rooms or the people or anything, really. Your world-building needs some work.

I think my main grievance with this tale is that is lacked rationality. We talk about characters being OOC (Out of Character) in FanFiction all the time and it felt like your character were ‘OOC’ here, despite the fact that they were your original ones. In the Dark Ages/Middle Ages Kings were overthrown for less than being rapists. What could have made this story interesting is if you would have made any of the other characters have a moral conscience. What if Mary took pity on Victoria? What about Thomas, too? What if those three unlikely friends planned a coup against Jarek? A testing rebellion that brought out the best and worst in people? What a cool side story that might have been.

I wasn’t even going to bother reviewing but I couldn’t let it sit as is. Something didn’t feel morally right about it. This is a very long review very but it is also a truthful one. The likelihood of you reading it is very slim but I hope you do. I also hope you do not take this as me being mean because I'm not - this is genuine constructive criticism and I hope you take it on board. You have budding talent as a writer - you were able to finish your story! Many people haven't even gotten close but there /are/ major problems with this story and I hope my review has enlightened you to some of them.
Sakura Ember Night chapter 20 . 7/16/2015
OMG I loved this story so much. Had me smiling and amused during it. I was hoping they would end up together in the end. :)
Deletedaccount436 chapter 9 . 6/12/2015
After reading this chapter, I wonder how she could ever fall in love with him O_o
Guest chapter 20 . 6/12/2015
Can You Write A Sequel Please? Probably About Rosalind Or Henry. 5th Time I'm reading this and i still want more.
jendra11339 chapter 20 . 3/24/2015
I like it.
Guest chapter 1 . 2/23/2015
Nice story, very controversial topic, raises a lot of interesting questions but I liked it either way
weeeangie chapter 20 . 11/29/2014
I've read this story atleast 12 times and so far each time i read it, I cry. I get filled with so much emotion with this story and i don't know why, maybe it's because Jarek and Victoria remind me of relationships that are so broken that it looks like it will never repair but then Jarek's heart changes because of Victoria's soft but very strong attitude and that's what saves him in the end :) idk, i might be thinking about this way too much haha I like stories like this because it takes away that harsh reality of what is my life haha
Guest chapter 20 . 9/17/2014
I love this story! Will there be a sequel? Cause I very much encourage 1 :D
kimmy chapter 1 . 9/13/2014
Please, please... UPDATE, I'm dying to read more. You are the best.
Guest chapter 20 . 9/7/2014
Love it!
Nidchat chapter 20 . 9/7/2014
Likes to it...
Guest chapter 20 . 9/3/2014
Best story ever... And finally a happy with ending. I love it! Thank you...
ab chapter 20 . 6/27/2014
nice !
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