|Reviews for Keeper|
| Who's Fazil chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Hello! I'll warn you now, I'm terribly long-winded, but I mean no harm, hope you don't mind!
I LOVE this! Your style really speaks to me! I like the way the characters are coming across, I already feel a sympatico with them and that's always good, cuz no matter how good the writing and plot, if the characters don't appeal, you're sunk. They seem interesting, again, big bonus. And I like their edge. There's some quirk there, def! To be honest, I've had it up to here with moralising stories with characters all no drugs, sex, or dare I say it, rock n roll. Yeah, I've got nothing against wholesome and or conventional, I just don't want to have to read it all over the place all of the time. I also applaud your guts, writing 1st person from a male perspective, though I'm only assuming you're female of course...?
Like that you've got an ironic tone here, this is just a personal bias, but I always prefer the fluffy genre with a bit humour in it, otherwise I find it hard to take seriously! Yes, that's a bit of irony there in itself ;) I'm enjoying how you use your words, I know that sounds a bit odd, but I love it when people actually think about language and when it's obvious that people really USE it in an active way, like playing around with the words, or placing them in new contexts to describe etc. rather than taking for granted as the secondary vehicle as a means to an end.
I can kinda understand why you might be thinking of discontinuing this story. Well, no, I mean, I don't know you or anything but I can see that there were several options as to the direction you could've taken with your characters from the impression they made at the start, which isn't necessarily what's happened at the end. But I strongly encourage you to keep going. Though perhaps you might've deviated from your original intentions, I think you've got a wonderful setup here with LOTS of potential. And I'll tell you from a reader's POV, I didn't see any inconsistencies so far with any of it; character, plot etc. This def could become a really good story. You've already got me on tenterhooks and it's only chap 1!
There are a couple of technical errors, esp punctuation, some vocab choices, some grammar, but that's nothing that can't be fixed with a bit of proofreading. There's also a bit of an awkward transition right at the start of the chapter, with Molly's introduction, the first time she's mentioned, feels like there's a line missing right before it, I dunno that's just my feeling, anyway, as I said, these are small technical errors, easily fixed!
Anyway, I hope you do continue, I'd be terribly pleased if you did anyway, please feel free to ask me anything about what I've said, I've probably said a lot but made much less sense, as often it is with me, anyway, look forward to more! Please? ;)
| kaymonkeygirl chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
Oh my goodness you sooooooo need to finish this or I WILL DEFINATLY go insane! :) love it!
| ChrisDrewRocksMyWorld124 chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
This story looks unique I totally think you should continue it. But one thing I'm wondering, how old is the girl?
| eminemluvr chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
I think it's really good and you should continue it!